Starts with L, ends with N

The end poly year 2

2012-02-12T18:18:00.001+08:00

Cant believe how fast time flies. Especially in this term. It really seems super short. It was just the first week of the term and start of new year, and then came chinese new year, and then all my presentations, and then, friday was the last official school day of year 2. Kinda starting to miss school now, omg i dont want poly to end!!!!
I think this semester has been much better for me. I've got a new project group, and despite all the differences between us, we still managed to work things out. And really, with this new project group, i dont feel as stressful as the previous semesters anymore, when there's only 2 persons to clear all the shit from the projects.
But anyway, this coming week is my study week. And next week is the exam week.
I have 3 papers for this exam, okay actually 5 papers but apparently the other 2 are called test not exam -.-""
Abit redundant right? Since all are papers, and i have to study for them also, so whats the different between exam and test? Trying to cheat me right, its just the weightage for exams a little bit higher. But still, they are written papers.
Alright i have a paper tml, but wondering why im here blogging? Apparently i've finished studying for that paper. Don't think that im too confident, im really not confident at all, but im giving up for this module. Sigh, its mice, apparently i really dont have interest in it, dont know what to study.
I studied what i think are relevant, and im leaving it all to fate. Bless me please.

Okay holiays are coming, and im looking for jobs again. Havent been working for this 2 months during the weekend, i think i really need to rest. I know i need to save up for disney but look, its my last semester in poly next sem, i dont want to make myself so tired. I just want to enjoy my last semester, nothing wrong right? And you know those periods when we have tons of projects to do, its really tiring for me to go to school from mon to fri, and work during weekends. I think i need time to rest, im not a robot seriously. So if i've already decided not to work during the weekends when school reopens, this means that i seriously need a job during the holidays.
Actually im reconsidering if disney is what i really wants. Fickle minded? Yes i am. But, suddenly there's so many things that i need to consider about.

...

So near yet so far.
Yes, i've gained a lot of things, but i lost a lot of other things.
I'm happy with my life now, but i still have some regrets.

...

Dreams that never come true.

2012-01-24T22:58:00.000+08:00

I dreamt of the same person in 3 consecutive days. Pure coincidence? Yeah perhaps it is.
I wish to say how much i wanted to approach you. But no, i dont dare to at all.
I dont know where all my courage went to, perhaps i never once had them, but i thought, i always thought i had that amount of courage in front of you. At least i could talk whatever i want.
I know if i need you to be here for me, you will. But, i have no reason to.
Everything im doing now has nothing to do with you, though i wish it does, but there's just this huge gap.
I do miss those times, when i think im not afraid to hide anything, and can say what i want to. When i have someone who can just listen quietly, even if nothing much can be done to help me.
And now that everything's over, all those times were over too.
Like those images that keep appearing in my dreams, but you know, they are just dreams, and once over, its over, they dont come true.
But still, thanks for being there, even though it was all in the past.

Long weekend! ((:

2012-01-20T21:48:00.001+08:00

Hi all, been busy with projects recently and i finally managed to find some time to blog coz of cny holiday (:
Talking about project, im quite happy with a presentation we had on tue. Its not exactly a presentation, but we are suppose to conduct training for a group with people, which is our classmates. Our group did leadership training, apparently i got the idea from leap camp, and did something like that, explain the concepts like how the trainers explained to us. My group got the highest, im so happy!! Not trying to haolian here, but its not easy for us to do every single project, so i think we should be proud of our own results. I still got a few more projects and will clear it for this term. I think this term is super fast, after cny it will be the fourth week. omg soon its end of study week, and then come revision, then come exam, and come holidays. The first batch of itp students are going for theirs in march. Heard those going to disney will leave on 3rd march, and approximately eight months later its gonna be my turn :D

Anyway im happy with my life now, im free and have more time. Im free to do things i want, to take a break when needed. I spend more time with my classmates now and im glad i've got the chance to be closer to them. I dont want to leave poly at the third year with a really bad relationship with my class. At least things are better now. I go out with my friends if we are more free, and i dont think about the past so much anymore. I'm not really tied down to anything, i dont need to answer to anybody, and i dont need to feel uncomfortable or awakward with anything else. Im fine and happy with life now. Just that, sometimes, i still think about all those things, and... its kinda sad when i look back. The memories that were once so precious to me, the times which i missed a lot but can never go back. The regrets i have till now. And everything that happened, i know i cant forget and wont forget, but i will try to let go of everything. Coz i dont want it to affect me, even if im reminded of it.

There are people whom i treasure, who matters a lot to me, but they slowly fade and leave my life as time passes. There's this gap and this distance which just widens as time passes. Different world, different mindset, different topics. I guess things will change, i hope it wont, but you know, things like this, you cant do anything about it right? Its like we have embark on different paths, go different ways, get on with our different lives. Maybe, i hope, someday, we will meet again somewhere in our lives.

Anyway, my lecturer did this numerology thing for me. Basically i think its using your birthday to help calculate and say about your personality of life. Apparently, i have this line of frustration, which means i get frustrated really easily. He said its quite a bad thing if i dont control, really bad coz.... Haha not gonna to say this. But well, this numerology thing is quite interesting, i think the book is sold at kinokuniya, maybe i should go down to take a look when im free.

Oh and anyway, did you guys actually watch the 7pm show on channel 8? Its called 步步惊心. I think its really nice. Only the 4th episode and i already started crying. So for those who havent watch, go watch it! I think its quite a touching storyline, especially when i dont really like 古装戏.

Alright, thats pretty much all for now. And before i end,
HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR TO ALL!
Hope all of you collect lots of angbaos and have a great chinese new year! :DD

First week of 2012.

2012-01-07T23:35:00.000+08:00

Hi all, how has this week been for all of you? Dont be too gloomy if you are, because this is the first week of 2012.
Alright i've got a couple of pics here which are supposed to be uploaded quite some time ago. Remember i mentioned i had a class outing in december, yeap last month, i've got my pics now, so here it is...

with sophia :D

So that's the mini class photo

And here's all the girls who turned up for the outing!

Yeap, im too lazy to upload many pics. So just some of them which i like.

Okay so what have i been doing for this first week of 2012? Busy. With projects. I think im forever mentioning that im busy, and the reason is always because of projects. Idk, but it seems like my course has the most projects to do. Only first week of school omg. But nvm, i hoped to clear all this fast.
First week of school, and there's also the sp open house. Im proud to see my dear juniors performing for the open house. Just that it feels..... dont know how to describe the feeling, when i see them perform. But still, good job.

And anyway, i was near woodlands checkpoint today. Saw it and i was reminded of the leap camp in september. Remembered how it feels to go on a camp with a group of strangers, where out of the whole group, i only know a few of them, and are only close with 2 of them. But, the whole camp was so memorable to me still. So actually, there's still good moments in life for us to remember.

Okay anw, just wondering, should i cut my hair short? Like really short. Hmm maybe above shoulder? I have always wanted to cut it short but i've got no courage to. Give me some opinions please.

I guess thats all for now. Oh anw, cny is coming, have all of you bought your new year clothes? I think thats the happiest time of the year for the girls, we can go shopping for clothes without feeling guilty, without our mums nagging at us for buying so many things. Basically i've finished my shopping, yeah abit kiasu, but i know i'm gonna be quite busy for the next few weeks.
Haha okay alright, thats it for now. I'll update again soon! :>

我越了解你，越靠近你，越犹豫
明知道我爱你，却不敢告诉你
我害怕失去你，宁愿沉默不语

Its all over now.

2011-12-31T02:16:00.000+08:00

I dont know how to put my feelings to words. In fact most of the time, i cant describe out my feelings when i have to talk to someone. How i wish there is this person, who will understand me so well without me having to say everything out. It ended, today. Initially i have not made up my mind, but after today, i did.
That feeling, how do i describe? Being in a place where u dont feel like doing anything, feeling so awkward, so uneasy, finding all ways to avoid, feeling like you are not yourself. Trust me, this isnt me, im not like that. I shouldnt force myself to do things which im not comfortable of doing.
Struggling through for the past few months, feeling so lost, having to suck it up everytime i failed, its kind of a misery. This isnt what it used to be, and its not something i wanted. Today, it ended. I hope i will be better.
Can you understand me? I just realized that they are not exactly similar to my case, and people whom i've told my story to, do you understand?
Maybe not, coz i dont really understand what im thinking either. Many people asked me why im doing this, why should i continue to let myself suffer, i said i dont know, i dont know whats holding me back. I just felt like i cant do this, i cant make up my mind. Why? I seriously dont know.
Maybe, maybe everyone is different. What others are feeling may not be exactly what im feeling. But i guess this is the right choice, things will change for the better right?

Its the last day of 2011. Let me just sum up this whole year. I guess this is one of the most shitty year i've had. The struggles i've been through is enough to kill me. But yes, like what i've said, i had been through it, so maybe its a good thing? I've become much stronger than the past.
There are many ups and downs, perhaps more downs than ups. And when i said downs, its really really downs. First time i cried in the lecture hall, first time i laid down on the floor crying just to prevent others from seeing me, first time i cried in the toilet for so long till i've got such bad headache and cant walk off on my own, first time..... There's so many of such first time. But its also the first time when i cried so badly and i can call someone who listened to me cried all the while on the phone, first time people having htht with me when i drank, first time people said those v caring words to me. First time i took over my cca as a vp, and first time i failed my role as a vp. First time i went overseas for a leadership camp, first time i challenged myself to do so much i thought i couldnt. But afterall, its all over. I wish to rmb all the good things that happen, and the bad memories, i want to forget it all.
I dont want to bring all the bad memories to 2012, i want to let it start off as a good year. I believe next year its gonna be better, because i've learnt so much from 2011, and definitely, i will be stronger, i will face all the tough challenges, and i'll overcome it.
Lets look forward to a better year ahead. And for today, we shall all end off our last day of 2011 well!
Alright its 2.15am, i need to sleep soon coz i still have work tml. Oh and on 1st jan too!
Goodbye people! :D

I hope you understand.

2011-12-22T01:22:00.000+08:00

Hi people, just a short update before i go to bed.
Im actually waiting for my hair to dry up and im so sleepy now. Worked for one whole day today and im seriously tired.
Alright anyway, met up with wx and wj on monday since wj ended his a levels and we all decided to have a meetup. It was also like an advanced birthday celebration for wx. So we went to casa latina, as recommended by me. Hmm for those who didnt heard of it, maybe you will like to try it. Its a mexican restaurant, i actually did a project on it previously, and i thought the food was quite nice so i recommended to them and we went together. Its at waterloo street, just a few mins walk away from bras basah station. And i would say the ambience there is quite nice! (:

The pics were taken at the restaurant btw.

Okay, and last friday, we had a class outing at ecp. Sadly, quite little people came. But well, we all went cycling and took lots of pictures. Now just waiting for sophia to upload the pics hehe! :D
I think going to ecp is pretty nice when you are feeling down. I was rather moody that day. I guess going to the beach, or just standing by at the jetty, looking at the waters, perhaps it will make you feel much better. Yeah, though i didnt went to the beach that day.

Well and anyway, i've spend lots of time thinking and thinking. Though im still uncertain about it, but i guess i've more or less made up my mind. I realized i've always been avoiding and avoiding the problem, thinking that so long the problem doesnt affects me for now, its fine. But you see, even if it doesnt affects me for now, sooner or later it will. And it seems like i've always been going in circles, coming back to the same problem over and over again. You see, if i dont walk out of this circle, there's never gonna be an ending, i'll always return to the same point. So, i kinda decided on what i should do, and i just hope others would understand why. I dont really expect everyone to be able to understand, but at least, that few whom i always depend on.

That will be all, i dont want to start the emo story all over again.
Going out with ys tml hehe, i'll update again soon ;D
Bye!

For myself?

2011-12-14T00:53:00.002+08:00

Today was a bad day. Really it was. No maybe i should say, it started out as a good day, but it was spoilt, it ended off so bad.
Do you ever know how it feels when no one believe you? They doubt your words, your character, your actions. So afterall that i've done, this is what i deserve?
Thanks seriously.
Whats wrong with my life seriously. People have been coming in and out, and they done so much hurt to me, affecting me so much. Do you ever see the pain in me? No, because im too good at pretending right?
I tried to put up a strong front, coz i told myself you will get over this. Indeed, it got so much better. I've walked out of those shit, the shitty life, im feeling so much better, why must you push me back?
And those times when i hid in my blanket crying silently, when i walked home with my eyes red, who saw? Those times when i struggled to get my feets up, those times when i never want to gave up, who saw?
I dont know if there's anyone trying to understand me, believe me. But i just know, the feeling of being misunderstood, the feeling of people accusing you, it sucks.
Is it fair to me for others to judge me like this? They are not me, how would they know what i've been through, what i've done. Is it even fair to me?
I dont see a point explaining, if you are someone who trusts me, someone close to me, would i even need to explain myself? You wont even ask for my explanation right? On the other hand, if you dont even trust me right from the start, no matter how much i say, you arent gonna believe me at all.
Thanks so much, im not being sarcastic here, im really thanking you. You put me right infront of reality and im force to accept the facts, and thanks to all these, i've finally know what i should do.
I dont blame you, not at all, coz i know, you meant well.
And a word of advice, dont ever do something that you like. If you are, make sure you are doing it well. If you are not, change to do something which you can do well instead.

我现在知道了，我没有资格。
从今天开始，我不会再对不起自己了。
我应该为我自己多着想，其他的事，可能就没那么重要了。

MST OVER! :D

2011-12-09T01:43:00.000+08:00

My mst week is over, and i've cleared all my papers. I cant believe how fast time has past and look, its already decemeber, its my holidays now and soon, it will be year 2012.
Alright basically, i guess i wont really do very well for my papers this time round. I feel so unprepared this time round. Especially for my dip plus omg, i thought i was quite confident but apparently after the paper, i was really feeling so emo about it coz i kinda know that i'll do quite badly. Okay, if i really fail this time, i guess most likely i'll just drop dip plus, not that i want to give up so easily, but i dont see a point, coz the certificate will be quite useless if i do very badly. Okay, but whats over is over, i dont want to think about it but still, i hope it wont be that bad.

Alright, some pictures here! Went to ecp with sophia the other time, but she didnt have the time to upload the pics and finally here it is. We both cycled that time coz we reach there rather late and there isnt much time left. I love to go cycling/skating at parks. Okay my class outing next week is at ecp, gonna go back there and this time round, i want to skate.

I really love this picture so much!

Maybe it doesnt look very nice from this picture, but we caught the sunset that day and its really nice.

Okay so for this holiday, i've got some upcoming plans ahead. Gonna meet up with some of my secondary school friends that i've not seen for quite some time. Now that they all have finished their A levels, i guess they have lots of free time!
Still working during weekends, i actually got a weekday job, but i back out last minute and told them i wont be working. Its really last min, im suppose to start work tml but i told them today. Feeling really guilty about it, but seriously, im quite confused as to what i need to do. I dont even know anything about the job, i havent even gone for the briefing, and there isnt any instructions given to me. I just dont really like this kind of uncertainty, yeah so decided to tell them that i dont want to. I know this is bad, but sometimes, i dont really want to put others infront of myself, and put myself in a difficult position.
Yeap so now, still trying to find other jobs. Really need to work coz im saving up for my oitp. Its tiring to work and study at the same time, but... i dont really have a choice.

Alright, just asking a question. If you are really caught in a dilemma, what would you do? If you are in this situation whereby you have to force yourself to do something you dont like to, yet its something you should do, would you do it? Im feeling very troubled recently, okay maybe not recently, for quite some time i should say. But somehow i've been avoiding this problem for quite long, but it somehow just came to me that i shouldnt be avoiding it anymore. Im stuck in this situation, but i dont really know what to do. I dont want to force myself to do something i dont like, but yet, i feel that it is something i should do.
Its really something which has been bothering me for quite some time, but i cant seem to find the exact solution to it. I guess there's no "right" solution in this case, but at least a best solution to the problem. Its partly because i've made some sort of mistake in the past, and i dont wish to made the same mistake again. But, would you rather make a decision for yourself or for others?
Sighh, i really wish i can come to a conclusion. Alright, i'll go think about it. I always think a lot a night. I dont know why, but i'll usually feel very emotional at night. Probably because i think alot before i sleep. Its the best time when u can lie on bed, and think about everything. People wont ask you why you are staring into space, what you are thinking about and other related questions. Yeah, so i shall go think about it.
Yup i guess thats all i have. goodbye and goodnight. Its 1.45am i guess i should sleep soon :)

Such a busy girl!

2011-11-23T19:19:00.000+08:00

Hi people, i'm such a busy girl this few weeks, which explains why i didnt really blog for a few weeks.
You know, i always try to blog at least once every week coz i like to take down what happened, how im feeling and many many things. Well, but these few weeks i've got quite a lot of presentations, so yeah. Actually i still have a presentation tml but i'll take some time to blog.
Okay, I'll start off with last wednesday. I had a project which requires us to do research on religion. So for my group, we are supposed to do on Buddhism. We visited a temple, interviewed a monk and i would say i've learnt quite a bit from him.
Well, there's so much things i didnt know about Buddhism. And all the teachings, it really makes sense to me, and i feel its actually quite interesting. I used to think religion is quite boring, but when i really research about it, its quite interesting seriously.
And if there's one thing that i learnt from what the monk said, it would be, "You are the result of what you are".
I guess most of you would be able to understand what it means right? Its a simple meaning, whatever you do, you will get it back. You did something good, you'll get back something good. Similarly, you did something bad, you will get something bad. The results may not show immediately, but who knows, its just a matter of time. Yeah, so i would say, its quite a fruitful trip there.

Last saturday, went for my cousin's wedding in the afternoon. And after that, met up with wx to watch you are the apple of my eye. Seriously, i think the movie is so super nice!!! Not exaggerating but i really thinks its nice. Its funny, so sweet, so touching. Yeah, so for those who havent watch it, go watch!! I actually want to re-watch the movie. Its the first time i want to watch a movie for more than once. Coz usually, i'll think its like a waste of money to watch a movie again, since you already know the whole story plot. But this time round, i think its worth spending the money. I only met up with her for a short while though, coz it was rather late when we met. So, i wished that holidays come quickly, so we can go out again :))

Okay, so for now, i think i should focus on all my other presentations till i finished them. And my mst is coming really soon, less than two weeks from now. Sighh, havent even started studying yet. I think im in deep trouble this time round, for the first few weeks, i havent been listening in lectures. So there's quite a lot of things which i dont really understand. Okay nvm, i'll study hard, hopefully i can do well. You know, now i really envy the JC people, i know there's quite a lot of you who have finished your papers for A levels. Time flies you see. I've been saying this for so many times really. Two years have passed, and they are gonna graduate soon. And here i am, still stuck at poly year 2. One more year to go before i graduate. Sometimes i would think, what would it be like if i had chosen to go to JC? I would be finishing my two years of JC education, able to go to university in a few months' time. I would meet different kinds of people, i would (maybe) be happier than now? Not saying that im not happy with my current life, just that, this doesnt seemed to be the kind of poly life i wanted, or rather, what i've expected. I dont exactly know whats the difference, but, its just different from what i thought it would be 2 years ago. Yeah true, but so what? Since we cant turn back time, i should just put all my efforts to do well for poly, and i cant wait for the last sem oitp! :D

Yeap thats about all i want to say, need to get back to work pretty soon. I guess i'll be rather busy for the next two weeks till my papers are over, so i'll blog after that. Wish me good luck for the rest of my presentations and all the papers! ;DD
Ohoh, go listen to 那些年 in the movie you are the apple of my eye. Super nice song and i just keep replaying over and over again.

I know its important to spare a thought for others, but isnt it more important to spare a thought for myself? This time round, i really hope to make a decision for myself, not for anyone else. Afterall, i'm living for myself, not for others. I'll try my best, but if i ever change my mind, i hope you will understand.

小时候

2011-11-06T22:17:00.000+08:00

还记得小时候，有一位老师教过我们，不要把自己的快乐，建立在别人的痛苦上。
小时候的我，听了但是不能体会到。现在，我才真正的了解了。
做人不能这么自私，因为这样真的太不值得了。

This time round, its really the end.

2011-11-03T23:07:00.000+08:00

I dont really know what to say, or how to start off.
Yes, i dont deny it hurts, it hurts badly.
But if anyone were to ask me, no i dont blame them. If somebody has to be at fault, i guess it would be me.
Many things shouldnt be said, shouldnt be done. If i have been more persistent, things wouldnt become this way right?
Life's always playing a fool of us, maybe, on me.
Things you dont want to see happening, always happened.
Its so dramatic, this sounds like a storyline to me, how i hope it is. But sad to say, its not, this is reality.
Its like a double blow for me, i've tried so hard and finally i've picked myself up and slowly getting back on track. But there again, it comes another huge blow.
But i guess life's always like this. It wont goes smoothly. Especially when it comes to love, nothing ever goes smoothly. Before a happy ending, there's always many unpleasant past. And for scorpio, it is said that our love life can rarely go smoothly. Yeah i believed in horoscope now, everything it said.
Sometimes, ignorance is bliss. But for me, i dont prefer to be kept in the dark, i dont want to be like a fool. So, its better by being honest with me.
Like i've said, yes, im sad, but i dont blame anyone.
I guess the saddest part of all was the excuses i've been finding to deceive myself. The excuses i've been finding to tell myself that everything's fine. The lies i've been coming up with to tell myself that i'm being too paranoid, thinking too much. And, the lies you have said that made me believe that i really am thinking too much.
But i guess in a relationship, there's just no right or wrong. You do what you feel like doing, and what your heart wants you to.
There are just certain things, no matter how hard you try, what you do, it doesnt gives you back what you want. No amount of effort helps.
Guess all these are fated. There's nothing much that i can do to change anything, just be strong.
Someone once told me, "When the storm ends, that's when the rainbow will come out."
From the point of time he told me that, i've been waiting and waiting, till now, i'm still wondering, when's my rainbow ever gonna appear.
I'm like forever trapped in this storm of mine, and it seems as if it will never end.
But still, i shall be strong and face it, one day it will. And my rainbow, will definitely be one of the prettiest i've ever seen.
I guess i'll just take it as a lesson learnt, and perhaps, im gonna grow, turn more matured, and knows how to handle my feelings or emotions.
I guess sometimes, we shouldnt really trust people too much, except for ourselves. And this is something i've got to learn.
Dont worry, im fine. Today will be the end of all the emo thoughts, i'll go to sleep, and once i wake up, everything's gonna be fine and back to normal.
Girl, be strong, smile and dont let others see you fall.
You can be happy, really happy, and you can get over all this shit. Life's gonna get better and better.
Over here, i wished both of you all the best. Both of you are gonna be my best friends and this will go on. Last long and i'll always be there for anyone of you.

And this few days, i've been listening to this song for so long.
Replaying and replaying because it seems like every sentence of it describes how im feeling. Listen to it, the lyrics and everything, perhaps you will know how i feel.

杨丞琳 - 我们都傻

计算着为你流下了多少眼泪
就代表又对我的心撒了多少谎
但每次我都选择选择相信
相信你是爱我的

倔强的以为我真的能改变你
看你装无辜的眼神我很窒息
难道你没有看见看见我对你的好
还是你忘了那些数不清的爱情轨迹

你说我傻傻在爱上只懂爱自己的人
我说你傻傻在爱她你的眼睛骗不了人
我们都傻傻在为一段没有未来的爱情付出
还在期待会有奇迹出现

你说我傻傻在爱上没有感情的分身
我说你傻傻在爱她就固执的奋不顾身
我们都傻傻在宁愿被牺牲也不愿放弃天真
还在期待会有奇迹出现

谁没有为爱做过傻事
只是问心无愧讽刺也无所谓

我说我傻傻在爱上没有感情的分身
你说你傻傻在爱他就固执的奋不顾身
我们都傻傻在宁愿被牺牲也不愿放弃天真
还在期待会有奇迹出现
还在期待会有奇迹出现

Finally 18!

2011-10-31T20:33:00.002+08:00

Hello people, i've just celebrated my 18th birthday yesterday. Yes i finally turned 18 :D
Had a simple birthday celebration, a mini surprise by some gusto friends and thanks to twx for coming all the way to sp to find me.
Well although its a simple birthday celebration, but it doesnt matter to me. Since young, i've never thought of birthday as some really special day, to me, its just a day when you were born. So i dont really need to have big surprises, many presents, or whatever. A simple one will do, and i really appreciated the efforts by my dear friends to make my birthday a happy one. Twx came to sp to have lunch with me, wished my happy birthday, and bought a cake for me. And then in the afternoon, i've got a mini surprise by some gusto friends and received a present and cake from jocelyn, fecilia and sophia. And then at night we went to have buffet. Super fattening day coz i've eaten two chocolate cakes and buffet :(
And on wed kind of have an advance birthday celebration. Well maybe not really celebration, perhaps half outing half celebration alright. Went to watch paranormal activity 3 in the afternoon, went to plaza sing and walked arnd, and went to sing k at night. Thanks to them for spending the day with me. I know i dont appear really happy that day, but yeah i enjoyed my day and am so thankful you guys took the time to come out even though the both of you are so busy. And thanks so much, i've got a really cute pooh that adds on to my pooh collection, now i have 4 poohs on my bed! :DD Super duper cuteeeeee!
I know this few weeks isnt pleasant for me, there's too many unhappy things happening, too much for me to take. Not afraid to say, i've kind of been breaking down in school, and im just feeling really down recently. But i guess i've sorted out my thinking, and also thanks to my dearest friends who have always been there for me, listened to me and everything.
I guess i'll take this birthday as a turning point for me, i've received so many texts from my friends and most of them told me not to emo anymore and be a cheerful girl. I replied to them saying i'll try my very best to, and yes, i will really try my very best to smile, laugh, joke around and be a cheerful girl alright?
So what i just wanna say is, thanks to those people who stood by me and celebrated my 18th birthday with me. Really appreciate everybody's efforts, even to those who wished me on fb, or wished me by texts.

Me with my super cute poohs! Ps, the one they got for me is the left one! hehe :D

Sometimes, you wont really understand how it feels unless you experience it.
Now that i know how it feels, im really sorry towards you. And thankful towards you too.
I think you have been so nice and thoughtful, just that i didnt realized.
I was too self-centered and only thought about myself.
And for now, i just hope we are back to friends. Any mistakes i've made, i apologized coz i guess im still like a little girl and am still having an immatured mindset.
So, since i've sorted out my thinking, im actually feeling much better.

First week of school :((

2011-10-22T23:46:00.000+08:00

Hellos, as you can see, im not excited at all.
My first week of school was a disaster seriously.
Okay, firstly, my timetable is like a total mess and idk if i have mentioned this before. I've got 3 days of 8am lesson. 4 days with 3 hr consecutive break. Ends school at pretty late everyday :(
Alright and seriously, my first week of school, i totally cant concentrate at all. Yeah something happened, but thats not exactly what thats affecting me. I guess im too used to working, you know working makes you feel like an adult right. Too used to the kind of life, working, slacking, going out, having fun. And now that im back to school, im like being treated like kid, well maybe not exactly a kid, but a student and it just feels so different as working.
I get so sick of school, everytime i try to listen in lectures, my mind get drifted away somewhere else. Wts, i've got a really bad feeling abt this sem!
This sem is so different from previous sem seriously. Last time even though i didnt wish for school reopens, i'll still buck up and adapt back to school life after a few days or so. Apparently its a week and im still in holiday mood. I feel that i am happier when im working you know.
And this sem, im so unlucky. Sighhh shouldnt mention about it.
Im thinking of whether i should drop my dip plus or not coz apparently this sem, my lecturer is from china, sorry not discriminating people from china. Its just that i find it a little hard to understand what he's teaching. My first dip plus lesson for this sem, and im already struggling with it. I heard that if i actually get a C for dip plus, the cert is as good as nothing. I got an A for first sem, B for second sem, and for this sem, i've got a really bad feeling. You see, im already busy enough for this sem, i dont really wish to waste my time if i know i really cant cope with it. Perhaps i'll try for a few more weeks and see how it goes :X
Yup thats pretty much about it for this week. I hope i can quickly adapt back to school life, i havent been listening in lectures, sigh im so gonna die! :(

if only.

2011-10-20T11:35:00.001+08:00

If this is a dream, I want to wake up fast.
In the past, I won't want to wake up, I would want to stay in my dreams forever.
But its like everything has kinda turned into a nightmare for me.
Do you know I'm struggling inside? I'm struggling to overcome what I'm feeling.
I wish I can tell you about all this, not to gain sympathy or anything.
But, I just wish to talk.
You will never know how it feels. I know, I brought it upon myself.
Its just that up till this point of time, I really don't know what to do, how to react.
Someone tell me, how to continue from here?

Tonight.

2011-10-19T20:42:00.000+08:00

I've saved this post as a draft for a day coz i am too lost and confused with my own feelings ytd. I've kind of sorted out my thinking so here i am saying out what i feel. You guys dont really have to know what happen, but its just some kind of problems im facing. But i guess all these are the parts and parcels of life.
Some truths are hard to accept, but its better if you are strong and just accept and face the fact.
I know, i guess everyone knows it. Its just that its always easy to say, but difficult to do.
Sometimes we do know the truth, yet we just avoid it, find excuses.
But does it lead you anywhere? Even if there's no problems now, someday there's gonna be some problems.
Yes, people say we have to fight hard for something you really want. Yet sometimes, it doesnt really applies to everything. I would say, sometimes, just giving up, letting go, may be a better choice though.
I guess you're right, there's too many things that i didnt know.
But this is not your fault. You know, i dont blame, dont hate you at all. Because i know, somehow or somewhere, you still did spare a thought for me. And through all these, i'll somehow grow stronger and learn alot more.
I know im such an indecisive person. I am confused with my own thoughts. I know whats best for me, but i dont want to do it that way.
Actually there's so much more i wanted to say to you. I dont know if you will ever read this, i doubt so but, but, if u really do, keep reading on.

...
Like what i've mentioned, i never hated you/blamed you coz i clearly know u were not in the wrong.
In fact, you did spare a thought for me somehow.
But i wished you could have said it to me. It might not make a difference to what i've heard, but i wanted it to be from you. Though you didnt, im fine with it, i believed you are sparing a thought for me.
Im sorry for being so spoilt, so unreasonable and not thinking in your position. Im sorry for lying, i didnt want to, in fact i hate to lie, but thats my only choice.
I hope you understand me, why im doing all these.
Actually u know, i dont expect anything, i dont need you to do anything.
I dont want to add to your troubles or problems.
I just want you to know, there are certain times when you have to be hard on others in order to really help them. Being too soft might only cause more harm.
I know you dont want to, or dont mean to, but, im not a little girl. You see, im 18 years old, not very very old but yes, old enough to learn.
I hope you will see that i still treat you as a friend, and anytime you really need me, i can be there.
And i guess somehow after going through all these, after a while, i wont be seen by you as a xiao mei mei anymore.
As for now, lets just continue to pretend, pretend as if everything's alright okay?
...

Okay end of it.
Im fine people. Thanks to those who cared and i'll soon get back up.
Tonight, i wish, its the last night for all these emo thoughts.
9 more days, i want to get back up so at least i wont be drowing in those emo thoughts and make my day an emo one.
BYEBYE.
:D I'll start to smile from now.

My last week of holiday :((

2011-10-12T23:46:00.000+08:00

Hi people, just some updates for my previous week.
Had training camp over the weekends. You know, having been through this year's training camp, it sort of reminded me of ours last year. How nice would it be if everyone was still around, how nice would it be if all of us could be back to that time. I guess our dear juniors would probably have learn something from the training camp, and i really hope they will remember it hard.
Went somerset with wx for a little shopping, and we went to watch johnny english reborn. Heard that it is a pretty good movie but havent had the time to watch it until mon. Htht a little, and it kinda make me feel better to have someone listening.
Went fareast with ys today and wanted to buy something initially. But end up being empty handed.
Sighhh, dont know whats wrong with me. Recently i havent been able to get anything i want when i go shopping. Not as if i've got no money to spend, just that i cant spot anything i like :(
Oh well, i just wanted to spend some money to pamper myself for working so hard you see.
And plans for tml? Nope, just wants to stay at home and pack my room a little. School's gonna start and i'll have no time for packing.
As for friday, gonna have outing with my ipoh A friends. Well im quite lookng forward to it and i hope it will be a success! Wish that this friendship of ours would last because they are definitely people whom i've had fun with for that 4 days in ipoh.
And for weekends? Working. Im currently working during weekends coz i need to save up for my oitp. I know it will be kinda busy for me when school reopens, but well, i'm not any fortunate kid and definitely have to work towards it myself. But well, i find joy when im working too! At least i've got to learn new things, and i feel happy when i earn the money myself :D
And this is my last week of holiday. Sighhh 6 weeks passed by really fast, i was just telling ys today, i dont wish for school to start. As in, i really got a v reluctant feeling. Im feeling so sick of school. For my 6 weeks of holiday, i had a good enough break. Sometimes i go out with friends, have a nice htht, sometimes i'll go shopping, sometimes go for training, sometimes go for work, i've got an overseas camp which allowed me to make awesome friends, been through a training camp, have enough time to rest at home. And now, i dont even want to start school.
I feel that life at school is so meaningless. Im doing everything over and over again, repeatedly. Monday to friday, lessons, i'll have all the tutorials, projects, then comes weekends, then repeat itself again. I mean im doing the same thing repeatedly, but i dont see the point. Maybe it was because of last sem, when i actually put in so much effort, struggled so much, and i didnt really see results up to my expectation. Im sick of doing all these, im afraid of going back to face all the projects and schoolwork you know?
But no matter what i've said, i know, i've got no choice. Face it, 2 more semesters, hang in there, and for the last sem i'll go for my itp, probably gonna have lots of fun overseas?
Alright, thats pretty much what i want to say, gonna update again someday, dont know when, perhaps when i've got something to say.
So goodbye :)

"If he misses you, he'll call. If he cares, he'll show it. If not, he can't be worth your time because you are obviously not worth his."
I get what it means, but you know, sometimes you understand the situation, yet you don't really want to face the fact and let go. The kind of feeling...

Decision?

2011-10-09T01:04:00.000+08:00

So i thought about it, whats my decision?
I guess im really selfish. Just because i want to be happy, i didnt ask about other's feelings. I didnt know, didnt understand.
I made a decision previously, yet i wasn't even firm with it. I didnt even stick to my promise.
But now, you see, if someone is feeling unhappy because of my actions, i should be stopping it right? And whats more, if the person matters to you.
I'm so sorry for being so demanding, unreasonable and insensitive.
Sorry, i'll change.

不值得。。

2011-10-04T23:29:00.001+08:00

如果他关心你，他不会让你担心他。
如果他关心你，他不会让你为他伤心。
他明明知道你很想他，却不联络你。
你却一直为他的行为找借口，因为你不想知道事实。
明知道逃避不是办法，明知道不值得，为什么不肯放手呢？

Seriously, i dont understand what you are thinking in your mind.
You're bored, you called me.
You happy, you text me.
You are lazy, you don't reply me.
You know i'm worried, yet you don't bother explaining.
You know i'm sad, yet you don't bother saying anything.
When you feel like it, you'll call back.
Listen, i'm not a substitue, not your toy.
Not something you want it anytime, you can have it. Dont want it, you can throw aside.
I'm not gonna do it again, never.

Thoughts running through my mind

2011-10-03T23:34:00.001+08:00

Any idea what's worth fighting for in life? I mean what's worth working hard for?
Some things can be gone so easily, so what if you fought so hard for it?
Things haven't been going right for me recently. Obviously october isn't a good month.
Its only the start of october and you see, I'm so troubled.
I'm actually blogging with my bb now coz my laptop has been send for repair.
Sighh, how I wish I can go back to ipoh. I know saying this means that I'm trying to run away from reality, trying to avoid the problem. Yeah I am, that's because I don't wish to get hurt, because I don't wish to face disappointments.
Everytime I come back from overseas, I'll wished that I can just stay there and don't come back.
It doesn't matter where I go, but just not here. Life here is so much more stressful, there's so many problems.
I hate it when I get affected by someone's words so easily.
But seriously, its the most irresponsible statement I've heard.
So tell me, what have I done to deserve this?
Do I even have a choice? If I have, I don't wish to choose another path, I will rather not choose any path.
I'll rather not be here.
I have to depend on myself for so many things, its really tiring.
Its funny to know someone whom you are closest with don't even help or understand you, can't even be bothered.
So what? Who else can I trust and depend on? Only myself isn't it?
Yeah indeed. Many times, its not as if I don't want to trust people, its because I don't dare to trust people.
I'm just so tired, tired of waiting, tired of trying, tired of guessing. Tired of handling things myself.
I thought all the tough times were over. The storm hasn't end yet.
I was told, there will be a rainbow after the rain, you just have to wait for the storm to end.
But when? How long more?
I don't know, all I know is, I've got to be stronger.
I guess now, I've know what's my priority.
I'm sorry for being selfish. But, I don't want to carry on like this.

Times like this.

2011-09-30T01:04:00.000+08:00

You know how it feels to be doing something you don't like?
You know how it feels to keep pushing yourself when you're already so tired?
You know how it feels to keep running away from the problem even though you know you shouldnt?
You know how it feels when you see others being so happy but you're not having the same feeling?
You know how it feels when you just wish you could not bother or care about anything but you know you just can't?
Perhaps none of you know how it feels.
I dont know why, it seems like im always making the wrong decisions. If only i have been more persistent, more determined and not so fickle minded, i guess things wouldnt be like this now.
If only i had more courage at that time, things wouldnt be like this now.
I'm so tired trying to cope with all these, and now its only during holidays. What about school reopens? I dont know how to face all these problems...
It is times like this when i really feels so helpless, times like this when i really wished i can just hide in a corner, not care about any things.
But you see, i can't be so selfish. I made the decision, how can i allow others to bear the consequence?
But... the kind of feeling, there's no way you can stop thinking about it.
I'm sorry, i know i wasnt of any help, idk how i can help either.
I wish it wasn't me, perhaps someone else would do a better job.
You know, this seems like an honour, a glory or something, but now, to me, it feels like a burden, something which keep pulling me down.
I don't want to see others getting so tired and trying to help me clear up my mess when i am the one responsible.
But trying to do it myself is really so tiring. You know that kind of tired which i'm refering to? Not as if i had a good sleep tonight and tml i wake up, im gonna be fine. NO. The kind of tiredness, its mentally. Feels as if there's so many things, and they accumulated, so much that i really dont know how to get rid of it.
If i could turn back time, there's so many things i would do, and so many things i wouldn't do.
I guess i owe others too many apologies, and too many thankyou.

If you were here, i would feel so much better.
I dont need you to listen to me, dont need you to know whats going on, i just wish that you are around to talk to me.
But no, you're not. Especially when i needed you the most.

New experiences, memories and friends :D

2011-09-25T23:50:00.000+08:00

Before i start, warning first, this is a very long post!
Anyway, 4 days in ipoh have come to an end. I've got back many nice memories from that place, made awesome friends. On the first day, everyone seemed to be so unfamiliar with each other. So, after a 10 hours train ride, we finally reached ipoh. Then we took a bus to our campsite, earth camp. On my way there, me and fec were complaining about how bad the place is. The campsite is located deep inside some kind of forest, everywhere around was trees. After reaching there, i seriously dislike the place so much coz there were so many cats around. Maybe i didnt said this before, but i am really scared of cats. So throughout my 4 days there, i kept screaming whenever i saw a cat nearby. Anw, the campsite is some kind of eco-friendly campsite. The toilets there was from recycled water tanks, we bathed in rainwater, which i apparently didnt really like it alot. There's lots of mosquitoes, bugs and weird insects around. I felt it was worse than other campsites which i've went before. Maybe to some people, they feel that the place is just like nature, but i just couldn't adapt to the environment. And on the first night, we also had to choose our buddy, who is someone we will depend on for the rest of the days there. So we were told not to choose someone whom we were close with, but someone whom we dont really speak to or dont really like. Yeah and so we did, most of us stepped out of our comfort zone and chose someone we aren't close with. And we had to think of a group name. Our group called ourselves "grassroot leaders" since we were at earth camp, its like nature and we are all leaders. Lol i know it is so random but i thought that we were actually quite creative to think of it.

Alright then for day 2, we had some activities. Firstly we did kayaking at kampar river. It was fun coz it was actually my first time kayaking. I was with my buddy and we had a little practice first. I was so noob at it and didnt really know how to control the direction, so we ended up going straight into a bush with tree branches sticking out. We had to lower our heads to go through but all the disgusting branches and insects ended up dropping on our kayak. Then after that we kind of switched partners and tried kayaking again. This time round we went straight into the bush a few more times and it was really painful coz some of the bigger and thicker branches hit my head. We also capsized once after hitting the bush, but i feel capsizing was fun, i floated in the water awhile before some of my teammates help me up to my kayak. So after that we had another activity, which is the high rope challenge. We went to mountain school and tried the high elements. There's actually 3 different elements. The first one is the easiest, followed by the second and third one. The third one is at about 9m high. I was rather scared at first, because i didnt try it before. So again, we had to go with our buddy. I wanted to try either first or second element, but the queue was too long, so in the end, i told my buddy we shall try the third one first since there was not much people there. I guess most people didnt dare to try that first. So we went, we were the third pair of buddy and i was the first girl there to try. So we went up, after climbing the giant ladder i was already very tired, my legs were trembling, because i was tired and perhaps also because it was too high and i was so scared. So for the third element there are also several parts to it. I kind of regretted trying that element first after i climbed the giant ladder because i realized i wasnt mentally prepared. But i've got no choice. So we went on to try the first part of it. I dont know what it is called, but there is just a rope and we had to walk on it to reach the other ends, there were only ropes on top for us to hold onto, nothing at the side. I personally felt that was the most scary. I took my first step out, my heart was beating so fast, my buddy was infront of me and he encouraged me alot. I was scared, but i told myself, there's no way i can turn back, if i want to get down, the only way is to complete it. If i don't move forward, i will just be stuck there. And the instructors have a rule, your buddy needs to be always near you, i think only one arm distance away. So if i don't move, he can't move either. So i did, i challenged myself and kept moving forward. I was really thankful to my buddy coz he encouraged and motivated me a lot throughout. If it was in the past, i would be screaming and shouting like a mad woman up there, but i didnt. And the trainer even said that i am very good at concentrating and focusing :D So i went on, moved forward to complete the rest of the parts. My favourite was the forth part, flying skateboard. We just stood on a board and held on to a bar and just "skated" across to the other end. And the last part was flying fox which was also very fun. You know, i was so proud, so proud of myself when i finished it. I had a phobia of height and i did the third element first, i didnt stop, i kept moving on until i finished it. My phobia of height wasn't that bad after i joined cheerleading, but still, that height was much higher than the kind of height i've went for in cheerleading. The trainer told me, " if you can deal with such intense pressure at that high level, you can actually deal with a lot of problems in the future". I was really proud and happy for myself. I know i sounded as if im bragging, but whatever, i know i've done a good job that day, so yes, im proud to say it out.

So for day 3, we had swift water rescue in the morning. We learned few techniques on how to rescue people. So firstly we tried how to cross shallow water, the water was flowing so fast and its really difficult to cross over. Then we tried how to use a throw bag. Basically just throw it out for someone who's in the water to get the rope. So we went in buddy pair, one person will be floating down from upstream and the other buddy to throw the throw bag. I was the first person to be floating down and i was quite lost. My buddy missed the throw and luckily someone else saved me. Yup so they have a few backups just in case the buddy miss it. And when my buddy went, i missed the throw too. Actually i've never did a successful throw haha, i really didnt know how to. My facilitator said it isn't about the amount of strength used, its the technique, but somehow i just cant master it. Alright, then after that we went somewhere else where the water flows even faster. We were taught how to swim across in any case if our raft capsize and we fell into the water. In the swift water, when we swimmed, we have to swim at 45 degrees upstream. Yeap so we tried flowing down from upstream and swam at a certain point. It was really fun. Alright, then we tried how to overturn the raft if our raft capsized, and climbing back up. The climbing part is difficult in the deeper water, basically a lot of teamwork is needed for everyone to get back up on the raft. So after that, we had a quick lunch and everyone went back for white water rafting. That was the fun part. It was a few hours of rafting, there were many rapids along the way. Each raft have a guide with us and he really helped us alot. And after that, we had a competition. My raft came in first! We took 28 minutes to kayak back to the campsite! A lot of teamwork is needed for that. I was the leader for the raft, and im so thankful that my other followers cooperated with me and listened to all my instructions. So at night, we went to ipoh town to walk for a while. We went to a pasar malam, there was nothing much there, didnt buy anything back because the pasar malam there is just like singapore's one. Just that theirs is permanently there, unlike singapore one which will only be there for about a few weeks.

Day 4, we had our last activity which is to appreciate our teammaters. We were given pebbles, but we called them gems. So we were suppose to give these gems to people whom we felt have helped us. So first person we are suppose to give to is our buddy. It was quite awkward actually because we were suppose to say things like: "You are a gem in my heart, I gave you this gem because...". It just feels very awkward when we had to say it face to face yeah. Then after giving it to our buddy, we can give it to anyone else. But i really appreciated those who gave me the gems, and those whom i've given the gems to. And others who have helped me, but because of time constraint i didn't give it to. Yeap then after that, home sweet home, another 10 hours of train ride. Reached singapore at about 9.30pm at night, luckily there's my to send me back home. Imagaine im so tired and have to take train all the way home. Wanted to cab but im so broke recently and didnt want to waste money. His mum went to bukit panjang to drop gary off first, it was so near his house but he still decided to drove the rest of us to redhill. Yes my drove omg he is so smart, i dont even know how others can drive. I cant even remember the roads in singapore :X And he drove so well. Okay so thankyou my.

Alright so four days there, i've learnt a lot really. Through all the activities, the facilitators and trainers actually taught us different concepts. Some of the concepts also include the 7 habits which i've learned before in ctss. But this is so much more different. They made it so much more interesting and understandable by using the activities, and allowing us to see the concepts in a clearer manner when we do the activities. I'm more aware of myself, know what kind of leader i am, and i hope for all those things that i've learnt, i can apply it to my life and try to help my club in whatever way i can. I've made so many new awesome friends, they have helped me so much this few days. Especially those in my group, whereby we did the activities together. And also my buddy, who have help and encourage me alot. Throughout the few days, we often have to take a walk with our buddy and have a talk. I thought it was awkward, but still, it is through all the talks that i've learnt how to appreciate others. So i hope the friendship with this bunch of friends would last because i definitely think that leap camp is the best camp i've went to so far. I've brought back many nice memories with me, definitely it will stay with me for long. I've also got a lot of mosquito bites, cuts, bruises and also sunburn from the camp. I think the cuts and bruises were from the kayaking. And now my face is so red, peeling so badly, my hands too :(
But still, its worth it alright. So time for pictures now!

Around the campsite...

At ipoh town, the food..

On the train, we were all so bored. So we spam photos!

My group

My precious gems given by others.

Certificate :D

Yup thats about all, the fun have ended, im gonna start work next week and i'll take the time left to enjoy my holiday before it ends.
Bye people! Have a good week ahead! :D

Bye people! :DD

2011-09-20T19:02:00.000+08:00

Hi, just some updates for this week.
Alright, last friday day i went out with wx to town and we just walked around a little. She brought me to marche for lunch, first time there. Always wanted to try but didnt had the chance to. It was quite nice, i've also heard good reviews about it.
Okay, then yesterday, met with yansan and we went to party world. First time i go to party world coz normally i choose to go kbox. It was pretty okay, has been such a long time since i went to sing. After that, we spam alot alot of pictures!

Yup there's alot more pics and im waiting for her to upload!

Alright, another thing is, my results for this sem are out. Disappointment, definitely there will be a little, i cant totally say im happy with it. Just that, i've learnt to accept it since i've really tried my best this time round. I really struggled through the semester, and i was so tired with everything, i really did tried my best. I expected this gpa, so actually im feeling kinda alright. Some modules which i thought i would do better, but i didnt, some which i thought i wont really do well, but i did. So perhaps, its still balance out afterall. At least this isnt my worst results, my worst gpa was the first sem of my first year, which supposedly should the most easy semester? But my gpa was kinda pulled down a little as compared to last semester. And i also found out that my classmates did quite well, no, in fact very well as compared to my results. But, i've decided not to expect so much. I mean we cant really compare with others sometimes, although thats what humans always do. But we have to look at our situation too, perhaps others are much more hardworking, much more clever, have more time? I dont know... but since i've tried my best, so i'll just accept it. Anyway, its not that bad afterall. 人比人，气死人。So, i will just 看开一点 :D

Okay, and anyway, tml im going to malaysia, ipoh, for leap camp. Its a leadership camp, and i guess it will be quite different from previous camps that i went. Quite looking forward to it, the activities seemed fun. Just that i've to wake up damn early tml, and we are taking train omg. A 10 hours train ride, *faint*. But i hope to learn something out of it. I'll update more when i come back from it. Will be away for 4 days, so dont miss me too much! :D
Alright thats all, enjoy your week people! :)

I'm sorry.

2011-09-16T22:19:00.000+08:00

Sorry is nothing but just a five letter word. You know, sorry wont mean anything if you dont intend to change or do anything about it.
Whats the point of saying sorry if you know you will do the same thing again? Because that will meant "i'm sorry but i will hurt you again".
Sometimes you might not know, some of your small little actions may hurt others a lot.
I rather not to receive any apology. If you are saying just for the sake of saying, then save it. Only say it if you really mean it.
If you said sorry, the other person didnt say they forgive you, you know they didnt really accept your apology.
I didnt, i didnt said i forgive you. Not because i'm angry or anything, i'm fine with it, but its just that i kinda know the sorry wont change anything, its meaningless.
In fact, i dont think you should be the one saying sorry.
I should be the one. I'm sorry, so sorry for expecting so much. So sorry for being so paranoid. So sorry for being such a nuisance. So sorry for trying to care. So sorry for anything or everything you think i've done wrong. Yes, i should be the one apologizing.
And since i said sorry, i mean it. I'll correct myself, what i've done wrong, and make sure i dont do it again.

Care

2011-09-16T00:41:00.000+08:00

Don't take others for granted, don't think that it is just right for them to care for you.
When you know others care, shouldnt you do the same?
Everyone gets tired, nobody will always be there for someone, always giving in.
If you aren't gonna appreciate when others care for you, one day they will just leave you alone.
If that's what you want, fine, i've got nothing else to say.

Keep going,

2011-09-11T22:13:00.000+08:00

Hi, this few days was rather alright. I've cleared some of my thoughts i guess. Had gusto first agm yesterday and a rather failed outing?
Supposed to head to marina barrage for a picnic but the weather wasnt good that day, so we change our plan to vivo instead.
There wasnt much things to do there, so... it was rather boring.
At vivo it was such a coincidence, was just walking around with them when i saw him. Didnt call out coz its kind of awkward since we were walking in different direction and were both with our own friends.
After vivo headed to hougang with fecilia to surprise frankie for his birthday.
I think im so nice yesterday, i went all the way to hougang and took train all the way back to redhill myself, just for a mini surprise. Nice right?
Well, but its good to know that he loves the present we got for him, great to have celebrated with him.
I was rather happy for the previous few days, thought things was changing for the better for me. But i guess happiness might not always be around for long. I should be prepared that things will change sooner or later.

Like i've said earlier on, i've cleared some thoughts in my mind. I guess i've already made up my mind, some things wont affect me anymore. I just wanted and needed to finish up what im suppose to do. I know this time, i really did made up my mind, coz its really different from how i felt previusly. Im so sorry to those who cared, but for now, i'll do what im suppose to. And maybe some time later, i'll decide what to do.
Thats it for now, i'll update again another time! :D

Mid autumn at ctss! :D

2011-09-05T21:06:00.000+08:00

Sorry this post came a bit late, was suppose to be on wed when we went back to ctss.
Anw, so here it is. That day me and wx were just talking about whether we want to go back to ctss for teachers day, which was initally what we planned. But because teachers day celebration was changed to 2sep, and we had work, we cant go back. And luckily, sh found out that 31st aug was ctss mid autumn celebration, so we went there. Met up with sh and wh earlier, quite nice talking to them since i havent met them for so long. And then we went in to ctss. And on our way there, we were waiting at the traffic light and i look into a bus that stops infront of us, saw a really familiar face in the bus. For that moment i keep staring at him and in the end he said hi, and i hi back, so i think the guy is yusheng if im not wrong. Lol till now i still dont know if it is him, but i guess so. Alright and the celebration was boring as usual, but its the memories there that makes it special. This year they didnt have the celebration at the parade square, it was in the school hall. Saw quite a lot of familiar faces there, and walking back into this school which i've not visited for quite long really brings back many nice memories.

Their 猜灯谜, as usual, every year they will have it.

Taken with alicia :D

And sam

With wx at the study corner, used to be my favourite hangout place that time.

And this was taken in our favourite toilet i think.

And the study corner again, if im not wrong, this is the table we always sat. Everyday during recess, we will go to the study corner, our initial plan was to mug together, but me, wx and wj would always end up gossiping. Always, and our study plan always fail. Yes, my favourite place, really.
Alright i only took pics with a few of them though there's quite a lot of ppl i saw. And some pics were from wx btw.

You know, i really missed ctss so much when i was walking around that day. I remember when i was still in secondary school, i dread going to sch everyday coz i had to wake up so early, go for the boring lessons and then extra makeup classes and everything. I really wished i could graduate fast and go on to either jc or poly, which i thought would be more fun for me. But now that im in poly, i wished that i could go back to secondary school days... Life back then was considered less stressful, though i thought it is really stressful during o level period. But comparing now and then, ctss is a much better place for me.

Alright thats it for mid autumn, and then after wed, from thu until sun, i went to work at the it fair. Basically my job was rather simple, there's nth much for me to do. Im just doing redemption for banks. And sometimes it gets a little boring coz there's really not much work you see. But well, i enjoy the 4 days there, coz i've got nice colleagues, nice supervisors. I've worked with them for natas fair too. They were all so nice to us, and yeah, kind of miss them since i doubt i will be seeing them often :(
Hope there are other of such jobs when we still have chance to work with them.
Yup thats all for this week, i wish to make more plans for the upcoming weeks to make full use of my holiday :DD
Bye, i'll be back for update some day!

Problem

2011-08-31T23:47:00.000+08:00

I was just thinking, if all the problems we had were like maths problems where there's a standard formula to it, a standard solution to it, everything would be so simple. We wouldnt need to ponder about it, wouldnt need to get affected by it.
I just realized some things today.
Sometimes when people say something, you can listen to them, but dont take it seriously. Because they might not mean what they said, and in the end, its you who will get yourself hurt.
And humans, are really superficial. They only judge by what their eyes can see. Why didnt anyone judge using their hearts, on what they can feel? You saw this, you saw that, and you implied, you assumed, you misunderstood others. Do you know how hurtful it feels?
It really hurts when you believed and trusted someone, but just to realize that the person didnt meant what he/she said. No, worse still, the person didnt even believe you. Sometimes when you are so depressed, so irritated, having lots of problems, when someone lends you a helping hand, a listening ear, you tend to be very grateful to that person. But, it hurts after knowing that behind every words that was said, there's a different story to it. They dont mean what they said.
Sometimes you know some words are lies, but you still stupidly chose to believe. Coz you thought, maybe, maybe there is a possibility it might be true. You just didnt want to give up on that small little possibility.
Yes, its true that some people may have helped you. But its time to learn not to trust people too much.
Problem, it always exist. Just that we are too good at pretending. Pretending as if nothing happened, no problems exist.

End of year 2 sem 1 :D

2011-08-26T22:35:00.000+08:00

Hi guys, its the end of my exams and im here to update my blog!
Feeling so relax after everything's over.
I know perhaps i wont do really well for my modules this sem, but well, i guess sometimes we shouldnt really expect too much as long as we did our best.
Apparently, i had a test for one of my modules, and i got back the test results on tue. I thought i would get an A, but i didnt. It was a B+, i was so disappointed that day, coz i thought the test could help to pull up my marks for that module so that i could do well for it.
But no, it didnt. I was really disappointed that day, but i was told, my marks arent that bad after all. Yeah it wasnt that bad, but i just wished it could be better. But afterall, i still told myself its alright, just dont have too high expectations the next time round. Well, if you dont set your expectations too high, and if it didnt turn out well, you wouldnt be too sad. And if it turns out well, you will be very happy, which is a good thing isnt it?
Alright, anw im glad that this sem has come to an end. You guys probably dont know or wont know, this sem is a terrible one for me. I guess im never so stressed in the entire school life of mine. Perhaps because its the first sem of year 2, i couldnt adapt to it since year 2 is much harder than year 1. Well, i still have 2 more sems to complete in sp, the other sem will be my itp. Thankfully its all over, i'll take a good break during this holiday.
Anyway, i dont know if i've mentioned this. I know i said that i've been wanting to go for overseas itp, either at usa or finland. Anyway, initially i thought i would be going in march next year, which is just half a year later, because apparently thats how it goes for previous batches. But there's a change of plan for my batch, and i'll be going in next year sep instead. Apparently its another disappointment for me, well not because im too excited to go, but there's some other reasons. I was seriously so pissed off with the change of plan, i was so disappointed, and in a really bad mood at that time. But i know there's nothing i can do, and i've got to accept it. Now that i did accept it, i guess there are certain problems which i have to face, and i cant escape from it anymore.
Okay anyway, lets not talk about that. So, whats my plan for hols?
I plan to work if i can find, definitely i need some lobang from ppl, if you guys do have please tell me. I need to work to save up for my overseas itp though its still long, but its quite a lot of money too.
And yup besides working, hmm training i guess? Going out to enjoy myself, and taking a good break.
Well anyway, is anyone going back to ctss for year's teachers day? I know its random, but i kinda miss ctss and my classmates and friends. Thinking about it, times flies. Has been 2 years since i've graduated from there, its like just a few more months before the jc ppl finished their jc education. Okay alright, thats random.
Well anw, happy holidays to those who already had theirs and good luck to those still have exams! :D

Its difficult to...

2011-08-20T01:46:00.002+08:00

Im choosing something which is supposedly better for me.
It may not be the best solution to problems, but at least, it makes myself feel better.
Now i understand, perhaps many words were said to make me feel better, or were a form of encouragement or maybe just to comfort me. In fact, they may all be lies, but i believe its white lies in this case.
In fact, i wasnt really expecting anything, i've made my decision already. Im just rather disappointed to know that all those words were not meant to be true... Im not implying that im blaming anyone, i know no one is at fault. But i would rather not hear lies, but its okay, i'll just pretend as if i didnt know anything and didnt realize.

I know there's a limit how much others can help me...
People around me are trying, perhaps now i've realize it. Maybe the problem lies with me.
Sorry that i'm always like this. Just that at times, i dont know why, im just like this. You all probably wont know, i've tried, but cant.
Im just in no mood for anything, not interested in anything.
And perhaps because of this, im slowly distancing myself, im losing trust in others and i dont really wish to communicate so much anymore.
Actually i know i'm not solving the problem, instead im just escaping from it. I realized everytime there's a problem, im always escaping from it. But sometimes, it may be the best solution available.

Sometimes i think about the past, and i feel that it was so much better.
Few years ago, when i was back in secondary school, everything was so much simpler, happy was just defined as happy and sad was just defined as sad.
Things arent as complicated.
Since people are trying to help me, maybe its time for me to do something for them and myself...
I hope it helps....

一个人，久了也会累
哭了总希望有人安慰
但是，有时候要找个听你说话的人很难
而有时候想把心里的话说出来却更难

Last week of school! :D

2011-08-07T23:28:00.002+08:00

Hi people, this week is gonna be my last week of school.
The next week will be revision week, still have to come back for one or two presentations i think.
Well, most of my projects are cleared, im left with the last 2 presentations and everything will be over! (For this sem)
I have 2 tests on my revision week, which is the week after this, idk how am i gonna study coz apparently there isnt much time. Its quite ridiculous coz the test is on our revision week, just right after we cleared all our projects.
Well anw, i guess this coming week shall be a better one, im really damn damn tired for the past few weeks. Because i had to sleep late, because i had to worry about my projects, because i am so stress, i get mood swings so damn easily for the past few weeks, i seemed so restless everyday. And now that its gonna be all over soon, i hope everything's gonna go back to normal.
Anw, I went drinking with my friends for the past two days. But well, we didnt go to any bars, we were just sitting somewhere randomly getting cans of beer. Anw, dont worry, i didnt turn into a rebellous girl or something.
Its just that other people told me, and i realized it myself too, when i drink, i tend to be a lot more high, a lot happier, and i talk so much more than normal. Its much much much better than the emo me. They said i seemed more cheerful this few days and more crazy in fact. Hmmm maybe true? I cant totally not have mood swing, but at least, they dont see so much of my emo side recently. And dont get me wrong, i wont end up being a drunkard drinking everyday though. I shall just assume that i was over-stressed for the past few weeks, and probably, i wouldnt be so emo after this week?
Well of course, when i drink, i definitely wont get myself drunk, although everyone said i am, but i know clearly im not. So dont worry, i wont over-drink or something. I just wanted some form of celebration since all the projects are kind of over? But anw, its quite a good bonding session with all of them. Got to know the juniors a little better, and got a bit closer with them, which is a good thing.
And anw, next week there wont be trainings until exams ended, so i'll be much more free.
Hmm anw this few days, im just thinking about something which i cant make a decision.
I think i did mention in my previous post, i didnt get my rws scholarship. So well, now im actually considering whether i should go over to usa for my 6 months itp.
I would like to go for the experience, but see, its 6 months. I feel that im gonna lose out so much within this 6 months. Which is why im struggling to make a decision. So anyone, please give me some advice, should i or should i not?
Hmmm well if i decided to, i would need to save up, coz its actually quite a lot though there's subsidy by sp.
So im actually thinking of working this holiday, any lobang people?
And i havent been shopping for really long, need some money for shopping. Not v broke recently though coz previous few weeks didnt really go out and manage to save a little.
Well anw, that will be all for now, gonna update again sometime after my test or something.
Wish me luck for my revision! :D

No more, lets not be selfish

2011-07-31T03:13:00.000+08:00

I shouldnt be asking for more,
you've done much more than what you're suppose to.
In fact, there's no need for you to help me with all these, i know.
No obligations, but you still tried to.
So over here, i shouldnt be so selfish anymore

Today was a bad and good day.

2011-07-31T02:20:00.000+08:00

Today(Yesterday, since after 12) was a bad and good day.
Bad, i started with such a moody day, everything was in a mess, i was in school, i walked away alone, sat at a staircase in the middle of nowhere, and was blogging with my phone, trying to type out all the unhappiness i had.
Apparently just before i wanted to post it, idk what happen, i just didnt manage to post it. Well, im not gonna retype everything out since its all over.
But whatever it is, i was just saying i hate to do some things, and yet im always doing them. Humans are such complicating creatures, and sometimes we dont really understand what we want.
Anw, this week has been quite a terrible week for me, im so tired from projects, i've received a heartbreaking news. Idk if heartbreaking is the right word to be used, maybe its a little exaggerating, but well, it was kind of heartbreaking when i received it.
So u are gonna ask, what is it right? Fine, i'll say, i didnt manage to get the rws scholarship, the third scholarship which i've applied.
Maybe its not a big deal, yeah in fact this time round, i wasnt really keen on taking it up, coz i kinda decided i wanted to go to disney for itp.
But it was such a disappointment, 3 times, all failed.
To me, it just shows how useless i am. Its a disappointment to know that u didnt even stand a chance. When others can get it so easily, why not me?
Well, but i understand whats over is over, and anw just for your info, thats not the thing which affects my day.
Its basically coz of projects, and this time round, more reasons to it.
Its a good day, coz at least, i felt that some ppl were around to help me.
I know, perhaps its quite limited to what they can do, but they did try. I was feeling so down all along, and they did cheer me up, in some way or another.
I appreciated it, and thank you people.
I just hope next week gonna be over soon, im already anticipating the week to be a horrible one, really.

A hectic week.

2011-07-24T23:54:00.000+08:00

Just a short update and i'll go to bed.
This week/ weeks gonna be hell for me.
I've got my last 2 major projects to do, and after that, i guess i'll feel much more relieve.
Well, there are still some other projects, but those arent that difficult to do, i think i can still manage.
But for this week, i definitely have to rush like mad, i've got one project due on wed, and still rushing to finish. Another one due next mon, but i've to finish up my wed first before i can start rushing for the mon one.
Not that i wanna do things last minute, in fact i never like to do last minute work.
But i was really busy the week before coz i had to go for a cheerleading workshop and my whole weekend was taken up. And i also had quite a few trainings coz we had to prepare for an upcoming performance this wed.
Yeap, the past few weeks and definitely, the next few weeks, are really crazy.
I hope everything's gonna be over soon, once over, i'll have to start preparing for tests/exams and all those things.
Well, i hope all our efforts wouldnt be wasted, especially in doing all these projects. Coz basically, i've got back a few papers of mine, well i did get an A, but it was because the lecturers were all being so lenient, they said our results were bad, and if they werent lenient when marking, all of us will do so badly. So i hope at least these projects gonna help me pull up my grades, hopefully it wont make it worse.
Yup thats about it, i'll blog again when im free, goodnight! :D

Is it time?

2011-07-17T23:21:00.000+08:00

I dont know why im always like this, i want to change, i know i need to change, but i just cant change.
I hate myself for being like this, i dont want to be like this, but what can i do?
Whats the point of helping me when i just wont get anywhere further?
Whats the point of not giving up on me when im always disappointing others?
I know, i've heard every single word others tell me, but i cant do it.
Its not as if i dont understand, not as if it doesnt makes sense to me, but i just cant do it.
Its always easier said than done, you tell people to do something, thinking it was so easy, but no, the person doing it wont find it easy at all.
Im so tired and sick of these repeated problems, and always, i've thought i got over it, or can get over it, but till now, i still find that i cant.
Perhaps some things in life, you can never change, never.
Just like my personality, my mentality towards everything. For those who know me long, do u ppl actually know that i always have a very negative mentality when i do things. Perhaps in the past not so much, but as i've met with more setbacks, i've became more and more negative when it comes to viewing things around me.
I know i shouldnt, but i cant change it. And perhaps, some things, no matter how much effort i've put in, how much i've tried, it doesnt change anything.
I should have told myself not to put any hopes, because i should have known, no one can understand how i feel.
Yes, perhaps u ppl tried to talk to me, and maybe i did, but no, none of u understands.
And i should have known, no one would believe me.
I should have known all these..... And i stupidly thought that by saying some things out, it would make a difference, someone would at least understands and tries to help me.
Yes, i know u tried to help, but u still dont understand how i feel, do you?
I've got many htht this few weeks, whenever im feeling down. Yes, i know whatever others told me makes sense, i know they are trying to help, but i just cant get it into my brain. In fact, those words you people said, i can tell myself the same thing too, but i just cant change.
Im really sick of all these, whenever im feeling so terrible, i'll cry and cry and have all sorts of thoughts running through my mind, i'll feel like a loser, feel like giving up and everything.
But once i've cried finish, after a little while, i'll get back to my normal self, get over those thoughts. But sooner or later, i'll have those problems coming back to me, cry, get over it, then cry, and then get over it.
I mean when is it gonna stop? Do i really have to carry on like this?
Is giving up really my only choice? But i dont want to have any regrets, im afraid of making decisions, because i always made the wrong ones....
And i really hate myself for these, why am i so damn fickle minded? Why do i treat failures so easily? Why cant i manage stress well? Why am i so weak? Why do i have such low confidence with myself? Why am i so pessimistic? WHY WHY WHY?
I've got a homework or assignment, whatever u call that, something which im told to do, but i feel that i can never get it done.
Im needed to write down a few things which i love about myself, and a few things which i hate about myself. A few things which i think i am good at, and a few things which i think im not doing well at.
Seriously, what i hate about myself, and what im not doing well at, i've got a whole list. But i cant complete the part which says what i love about myself, and what im good at.
I think i can never complete this homework of mine. Never. I've spend about one whole week thinking about it, but yet to thought of any.
I know im such a disappointment, which is why, i dont really blame others. Because i know im the one who disappoints them right from the start.
Im fine now, i've wiped my tears and im in my normal self while typing this.
But i know soon enough, i'll end up crying over the same old problems.
Im sorry, really sorry. I know sorry doesnt mean anything if i dont prove to you that im really apologetic, but thats the only thing i can say.
Perhaps its time for a break, and this time round, i really need to give it a serious thought.
Just want to finish all my damn projects, get all these burdens off, maybe by that time, i'll be calm enough to sort out my thinking.

Three words, i always hear them.

2011-07-09T01:27:00.001+08:00

Firstly before i start on anything, just a warning, this post is full of my ranting, grumbling and everything else. Skip it if u are sick and tired of seeing all these from my blog, yeah i've warned you ppl, so dont read it if u hate to see all these coming from me.
I hate life, hate it for being so freaking hell unfair.
HATE HATE HATE.
NO I MEAN I HATE MY LIFE.
I dont understand, why some ppl can be so lucky, they were granted everything, really everything. No efforts, have results. No one criticizes them for being lazy, as long as they showed some kind of results at the end of the day.
But ppl like me, freaking hell unlucky, granted nothing, really nothing. Put in efforts, no results. Ppl criticizes for being stupid, dumb, lazy, whatever all sorts of things they have to say.
Yeah this is what i call unfair.
Doing so many things with so little manpower, no matter how much i do, its never enough, coz my stupid brain just cant work out.
And others? A whole lot of manpower helping them, in the end, what have i got? And this is what i call unfair, people thinking for themselves, doesnt spare a thought for others, in the end coz they were so lucky, managed to get away with everything, much lesser efforts compared to me, yet they got so much more.
Simple example, my dip plus, i've got back my results. Totally a disappointment, freaking hell lousy results. Yes, i've expected it, but still, when i saw the marks, you wouldnt be able to understand the kind of disappointment i felt. Studied for it, studied much more than others, in the end, got a freaking hell C for it. Yeah almost a D in fact. Another module, had some kind of debate, did so much research, practise so much for it, and in the end? B for that, wasnt even one of the better ones in my class. Total shit, and seriously, i bet the other papers from my mst are not gonna be any better.
Not just for studies, in many other aspects.
I often asked myself this, why am i doing so much, putting in so much effort, when i didnt even get anything in return, and others didnt even know. I ended up making myself feel so damn disappointed, getting myself so hurt. Yeah true, perhaps u will say, if i put in efforts, i didnt produce good results, and if i didnt put in efforts at all, its gonna be so screwed up for everything. Yeah but at least i can tell myself, i didnt do anything, so when i dont get back anything, there's no disappointment at all.
Tell me how im gonna get my life back on track. Im feeling so fcked up with everything, already im here struggling with work and all other stuff. And still when i think of how unfair life is to me, im really that tired to continue on with everything.
And that day i was doing my project, i was so sick and tired of clearing up all the mess for ppl who are so freaking hell irresponsible, till the extend when i thought, should i just give up? Just be like them, not do anything, and not care about studies anymore, not care about my gpa or whatever shit. Just gonna live life as the way it is.
But can i? I've been complaining how unfair life have been to me, which is why im striving hard, coz i want to see a change. I want everything else to be different in the years to come. And if i've gave up here, what about my future?
You see, coz there's ppl who are so lucky in life, they mess around with mine, created so much trouble for me. But really, im not as lucky as them, those shit they left behind, i've got to clear it for them. Are my efforts recognized? Seen by others? NO.
I dont mind doing things, as long as its worth my efforts. Im not trying to claim any credit, i dont need others to praise me for what i've done. But i just hate it, hate it so much when other people thinks that i've done nothing.
Hate it so much, when people dont trust me. Seriously, i dont enjoy doing all these, you dont like what im doing, think im not capable, tell me straight in my face, i'll stop doing everything. Im not trying to blame you here, but its an insult to me, by just letting others do what im supposed to, i mean what are you trying to say? Im incapable? Or im irresponsible? Yeah i admit, perhaps im more stupid as compared to others, perhaps i cant really do a good job. But you cant say i didnt put in my efforts, coz right from the first task i was assigned, i really put in my 100%, if not more. And im starting to think, you said you believe me, really? Or were you just cheering me up, trying to encouraged me? Coz from what i've seen, it doesnt feel as if you believe me, it just feels like i've got no trust from you. Just makes me feel as if im doing such a lousy job you know?
I would say, efforts doesnt guarantee results. You dont reap what you sow.
Yes perhaps in some cases you do, not all. If a person is damn damn stupid, does putting in efforts help? Does it means that person gonna produce a damn good results?
But having said all these, after all my complaints, i know, certain things you ppl would have agreed with me. Life is unfair, fcking unfair. But so what? At the end of it, what ppl tell me was, "Life goes on".
Yes life goes on, no matter how unhappy i am, how much i've got to say, life goes on. Does saying all these actually makes my life fair? Definitely not, but at least, it makes me feel better, much better after all my ranting.
Just that right now, im still feeling so tired, i dont know how i am gonna survive finishing all 4 projects. Anyone understands what im going through?NO, because its not just projects, many many more. But you ppl really dont understand, the stress that im having. Yes i admit, i suck at stress management, i treat failures too seriously, and thats why my life is in such a mess.
I hope this semester's gonna be over soon, i need a thorough break from all these projects, from school. Im considering if i should go to disney in orlando for my third year itp, its gonna be six months in usa, away from singapore. I wasnt quite interested when i was in year one, but suddenly had the interest to. Yeah its gonna be six months, not very long, but not too short either. But perhaps, leaving singapore for a while, putting my studies aside, and just going there for itp and some kind of experience gonna make myself feels better? At least i wont get so stressful there. But well, still considering though, coz i had a scholarship interview with RWS next week, and if i got it, i had to do itp there. So lets see how it goes.
Right now, i just wish i could finish all my projects up, settle things which i've to settle. Thats all, dont want to make life so difficult for myself.
Yeah, i've come to the end of my ranting, im sure ppl reading have got themselves so bored for reading such a long post of all my complaints.
But ppl, im fine, to those who are concerned, i've yet to give up on myself, coz like what i've said, i dont want to ruin my future. But still, i need a htht. Need one badly :( But still, i doubt others can understand what im trying to tell them.
Yeah thats all, im going to bed, still have training tml. (Ps, im damn tired, i had 5 trainings this week, really tired, got a very big bruise on my knee from training too)
Okay going to bed soon, goodnight and bye.

Mixed feelings.

2011-07-01T01:50:00.000+08:00

Hi im back! (just a warning, quite a long and wordy post).
Anw, my mst are over today.
Well it totally sucks, i totally screw up every single papers, yes every single one of them. I had 3 papers, and out of this 3, my dip plus was the worst seriously. I lost like at least 30 marks for that paper, i dont know wtf i am doing. Why am i studying and studying for that paper and during the test i just feel as if i didnt study at all? Seriously whats wrong with me, and the damn serious thing is, i dont even feel v worried or v sad about it. If it was me in the past, i bet i'll be crying over it, but this time round, yeah im disappointed, but not very very sad. Why? Omg what am i thinking about seriously.
Well since its over its over, im just gonna buck up next sem, i think im screwing up my year 2, which i dont want to. Hey, i worked damn hard for year 1, i dont want to waste all my efforts. SO PLEASE, WAKE UP GIRL!!!!!
Anw, ended paper today and went for class outing at pasir ris park. Well, was a bbq. I never really liked bbq unless i have people serving me. But apparently bbq is just something which is like a waste of time and erm, idk what to say about it. You waste so much time, you bbq that little bit of food. You only had one or two bbq pits, you have so many people. You pay so much, you ate so little. You ate so little, everything is so fattening. So in conclusion, i dont like bbq. But well, since most of the outings usually are bbq, i dont really have a choice and yeah, i'll still go.
Okay anw, im going out tomorrow for shopping. Sighhh, did i mentioned that i am seriously super duper broke recently. Yeah i know i always mentioned that i am broke but this time round, i really am, really. Everything is in need of money, and idk where to get money from. And when i said everything, i meant those necessary expenses, not my shopping expenses or whatever. Yeah im having such a headache coz i've to squeeze out money from somewhere even though i know im super broke. So when i said im going shopping tml, i meant window shopping alright. So tell me, whats shopping when you have no money? And after shopping, i've got training at night. Alright just in case you are wondering why i have cca on a friday night coz usually mine is on tue, thu and sat, its coz we have a performance on sat, which is what i wanna mentioned about.
Gusto is performing at marina barrage this saturday, for the singapore international water festival, well we arent the main characters for that day though, its the canoeists and dragonboaters i guess. Anyway, if you're free on that day, do come down to show us your support. No harm coming, just take it as a family day to marina barrage! Time flies, last year i was there to be a supporter, supporting my seniors, watching them perform.
This year, i was back there as a performer, for the same event, different routine, different people.
I thank you for the opportunity you gave, because i know you really meant well. Perhaps im not worth it, or i've yet to prove that im worth it, but i know, someday i will. Maybe you wouldnt know how grateful i felt, but it really do matters to me. So thanks alot, really alot. And also, not forgetting the others, thank you.
And the above, is to someone i really thanked. I doubt he will be reading this but anyway, i just want to express it out.
Okay well, and for next week, omg the thought of going back to school for lessons really bores me. Well by right school reopens this week, just that we are still having mst. Isnt it weird to have test after the holidays? It feels so different, and after the tests, back to lessons. Sighhhhh, august please come quickly, coz thats when my long holiday comes. Oh and anw, its 1st july today! Time really flies, july please be a good month alright, although i doubt so because july is the datelines for my projects! :( Gonna rush like mad! So actually, im not really looking forward to july :((
Well that will be all, tomorrow's my only slack day, after tomorrow, need to chiong all the way!
Yup that will be all, update again some other time! Its about 2am, time to sleep, im feeling so tired right now!

MST WEEK!!!!!

2011-06-27T00:03:00.000+08:00

Sorry people for the lack of updates.
Im super busy for the previous week/weeks, trying to do most of my projects(but still left with a lot a lot more), and going for my training and studying!
So just a quick update and im off to bed.
This week is my mst week, i've got 3 papers.
Actually im quite lucky as compared to previous semesters, when i usually have 4 papers i think.
Suppose to have only 2, but well, i've got dip plus, so additional one more.
Sigghhhh wait but im also unlucky because im sick.
I dont know if i've ever mention this before, but im gonna say it again. I dont know why it always happens, but im always sick during exam period. Always. And i have to force myself to study even though im sick :( Sighhhh
Well but i hope i'll still do well for my papers though, especially for this sem when the grading is mostly project-based, something which i really suck at.
Gonna hand in one project tml, finally one down, and 4 more to go :(
Well wish me luck for all my papers and projects! I'll be back for another update after exam! :DDDD

Chocolates, do they help?

2011-06-08T00:32:00.002+08:00

People said, when you are feeling sad, eating chocolates may help.
Is it true? If so, im having chocolates now, although its rather late, but i hope it makes me feel a little better.
Im sorry for all the ranting. Its just that im feeling kind of stressful at this period of time. And there's some things which im rather sad about.
Yesterday, i kind of made myself a promise. I promise myself not to be sad over trivial matters and try to be happy no matter what.
And just one day after i made that promise, yeah im emo once again.
But today's an exception, because something unhappy happen, and its not some small matter, seriously.
So many things i need to do, but i dont know how and where to get started.
So many disappointing things happened :(

You know, i had a dream last night.
Its suppose to be a sweet dream i guess? Well, something funny though, and i was thinking why my dream was so random, coz i actually dreamt of someone whom i didnt thought i would dreamt of.
Well, and people say, dreams are opposite of reality.
Yeah perhaps its true, i dreamt of something good, but in reality, it didnt turn out good.
It was much more disappointing.
I dont know how to deal with such situations, perhaps i dont know how to control my emotions at all.
I just wished that we could all stay together, really, to this point of time, i dont want any lesser.
I realized something, this may be random though, but crying causes headache. So people, heed my advice, dont cry so easily. I'm telling myself this too.
But i just wanna say, Im sorry if i was such a nuisance, always talking about the same old problems, all the stress i faced. I know, everyone have stress. Yeah, maybe im such a loser when it comes to dealing with stress, perhaps i cant.
But still, i appreciated the few of you who hear me talk about all these problems today, you know who you are if you do read this.

Its rather late now, im really tired.
Gotta finish up something which i have no idea how to do, i think its gonna take quite some time.
And yeah, i wished i can go to bed quickly.

Here comes my holiday! :D

2011-06-03T21:18:00.002+08:00

Hi everyone, just a short update.
Well, my holiday officially starts today, because i dont have lessons on friday! But apparently this isnt a good thing. I bet this holiday wont feel like a holiday because i have alot alot alot of projects to do, and yeah, my mst are just right after the holidays, so i have to study!
Yeap, i thought i only have two papers, which are business law and ihro (introduction to hotel and resort operations). But no, i totally forgot i still had a dip plus paper until someone mentioned it.
Yeah so, i have 3 papers in total.
Good luck to me, coz i need to get most of my projects completed this holiday, 4 in total, some which we have yet to start anything. And i need to study.
Omg, i want a proper holiday, which i guess have to wait till aug/sep.
Yeah, and probably i wont really get to enjoy myself this holiday.
Alright, i didnt do anything today, didnt start studying or whatever, so im gonna do it soon, perhaps sunday.
Cannot slack through, i'll feel really guilty.
Hmm okay, i'll have a good rest this few days and start studying.
That's all for now, bye.

New friends, new experiences - Le Grandeur

2011-05-29T01:59:00.003+08:00

Hello, im sorry for the late update, kinda busy recently. This post supposed to be up last week.
As mentioned in some of my previous post earlier on, i've went to jb for an immersion trip, to Le Grandeur palm resort.
There's too much for me to talk about, its kinda tiring, coz i woke up quite early at arnd 7 plus everyday, and slept at abt 1 plus. And there's many lectures and tutorials going on there. But nevertheless, still enjoyed myself alot.
I've learn alot more things, much more about tourism, specifically about hotel and f&b operations.
I've made many more new friends, and its a new experience, really.
There are some super fun moments, like when we actually did a "role play" or you can call it a practical session for our f&b, when we get to take the role as a guest and as a server. As a server, its really difficult. As a guest, its really super fun when you come up with all kinds of situations to make things difficult for your server. I was acting like a crazy woman throughout the whole meal.
Alright, enough said, i'll let the pictures do the talking. Too lazy to type.

Day 1

Day 2

Day 2, more pictures

Day 3

Day 4 (All the foooooood)

Day 5, our gala dinner

Last day, back to singapore!

All that you failed to see,

2011-05-28T00:37:00.002+08:00

There's so much you didnt know, didnt see.
Because you know too little about me, far too little.
All the stress which i'm going through, you dont understand.
And its not as if im not tired, im really tired.
Seriously, im reaching my limit.
I just wanted to cry it all out, to relieve my stress.
So much that you failed to see.

Weekend

2011-05-10T11:01:00.003+08:00

Alright, just a short post on my weekend.
As i was saying in my previous post, i had a prep camp last weekend.
And yeah, prep camp, didnt turn out like what i had expected, and to me, it didnt turn out well.
But lets forget it, whats over is over, we should focus more attention on our actual camp and hope it will be a good one. A memorable and fun one not only for us seniors, but also for our freshies.
Just another thing to mention that made me so happy, saturday we went back to marine parade for the performance. Yes, i guess its fine.
And then for the first time, i hit my partner stunt lib, and that was also the first time i tried it.
Nothing much to boast about, but at least, to me, its something good to talk about.
Previously, things was kinda going downhill, and everything seems to be wrong.
I guess for now, some things are starting to go right. And im trying to change my mindset towards everything.
And on sunday its also mother's day, got a gift for my mum. It's a guess wallet, i realized im always getting wallet for her. But nonetheless, hope she still likes it.
Alright, i know this week's gonna be a damn tedious week for me. I'll try and help out whatever i can for camp, and then i have to pack my bag for camp, and also my luggage coz i'm leaving sg on monday.
Yeah maybe u guys will be thinking why i need to pack so early.
Even my mum ask me so, but i've not no time! I come home so late on tue and thu and have totally no time packing, friday i'll be going off for camp, when i come back on sun, i guess i'll be too tired for anything, which means im only left with wed. For today and thu training, they will be practising for a routine performance on 20may, i'll very much want to join in, but i wont be in sg :(
Alright, gonna shut down my lappy soon and then get change and head to school. bye!

Busy life.

2011-05-03T23:45:00.002+08:00

Hi guys, im back. I know i havent been blogging for a few weeks and yeah, people missed me, so here i am.
Alright, im back to my busy lifestyle. really busy. My projects are piling up.
Okay let me tell you my schedule for this 2 weeks.
For today and thursday, we will be so busy with trainings because our juniors have just joined in, and this is their trial session.
For tomorrow, i have to go to some restaurant for a project.
For friday, i have a prep camp at night which means my whole weekend is gone.
And for next week, we'll have to start rushing to do the report, i've only got about one week to get maybe 75% or the project done i guess?
And next friday will be the actual camp for our juniors. Then my weekend is gone too.
And the day after i break camp, i'll have to say bye to singapore and go to jb for an immersion programme. Busy yeah?
Alright, just a quick update on how i was recently.
Last weekend had a stayover at my senior's condo, damn damn beautiful i swear.
Dont wanna come home after that. Yeah but i was like a little high that day, and i injured three of my fingers coz they got slammed by the door.
Yeap okay whatever, who cares about the small injury. Im sure we all enjoyed ourselves, thats the main thing. But so many ppl got drunk, and its super funny when you see others drunk.
Alright, hmmm and i kind of enjoyed myself today for the trial.
I hope the freshies can endure and stay through with us.
Yeap though i have such a busy schedule ahead but im looking forward to it, especially our actual camp and my jb trip.
Hehe, i'll be back some other time to blog, probably when im more free :D

Ps: Im a happy girl recently, i havent seen my emo face for quite some time!

Holidays gonna be over soon,

2011-04-14T23:06:00.003+08:00

Hi people, im kind of bored and im here to blog a little.
Okay this few days i've been out shopping with friends because this is my last week of holidays and i definitely need to spend them wisely.
Gusto had a performance for sb on tue, its like the first we juniors perform infront of a crowd. And seriously, the whole of sb, there's really quite a lot of ppl.
Well, its all stunts up, though there are some minor mistakes here and there, but still, well done everyone :D

Well, just a photo taken after our routine.
And anw, im feeling much better after my dear girl told me so much things. I guess in life, you really cant compare yourself with others because everyone is different. And i guess its true, no point asking for everything to be perfect in my life because its definitely impossible. No point grumbling about how unfair life is because it wouldnt change a single thing. Just get over it, like what she told me right.
Some days like today really makes me happy. Simple pleasures like this, it can brightens up my day. Nothing exactly happened, just that we spend time together, we talked, we laughed, thats all.
Well but anyway, school reopens on next monday. Time flies, school holiday is one and a half month, and its gone like this. After school reopens, its gonna be year 2, and i believe the modules will be harder. Looking at my shitty timetable makes me wanna faint alr.
Alright, some days are quite good, only 2 hrs of lesson. But for some days like tuesday, its like a damn long day from 8 till around 11?
Okay wish me good luck.
Well, i think thats all i've got to say. Gonna spend this last few days of holiday wisely, since there's also a break from training! :D
Gonna get plenty of rest :D
Thats all, bye people! :D

Happy pill.

2011-04-10T00:40:00.002+08:00

Too much crying this few days. I guess im really emotional recently. I need to stop those tears.
Some people said, they cried too much till their tears dried.
Yeah, if tears can really dry up, i wished mine could. I wanna stop myself from crying, it just doesnt feel good.
I wish there's a happy pill, which keeps me free from troubles and everything else. If there's one thing i want, it would be a happy pill. In this way, no one would ever need to be so emotional anymore.
Yes, but lets face reality, like what everyone told me, there's no such thing.
And i promise, i'll overcome all this that im going through, im doing it for all those who cared for me, i know, they wont want to see me like this.
And i know, im strong enough, to get through all this. Im strong enough, to get over this issue, to stop getting so emotional whenever i think about this.
And over here, i just want to say, im really thankful to those who stood by me, supported me. I was touched by everything you all said, and did for me. And over here, i wanna say, im not that weak, and i wont just give up like this. I wont want to waste all the efforts i've put in, as well as all the efforts you all have put in.
Although i would say up till now, i still cant get over this issue, but one day, i will. Because i guess all of you are right, this is reality, although reality is cruel, but we have to accept it. The world is unfair, but so what? It wont turn fair just because you're whining and crying everyday. And perhaps, i just got to accept the cruelty of life and move on. For things that i have no control over, i can only accept it and move on. And those that can be changed, i should just do it.
Though many times its not easy to accept reality, but i will try, and i have to. I guess only by facing the facts and doing what i can do, thats the only way to get over the issue. I will try.
Sorry for spamming emo posts recently, i'll get over it. I'll be strong enough to get through all this, i'm fine.

Those repeated problems..

2011-04-08T00:41:00.002+08:00

Feeling so frustrated with myself. I wished, i could get rid of all those negative thoughts.
I've told myself, many people told me, its alright. Sometimes i manage to convince myself, its fine, move on.
But everytime, i'll get stuck with the same problem. Its always back to the same problem. And thats when everything unhappy happens.
I know, i've lost. I didnt manage to get over this issue. Though i did try, for a year, the past one year, i tried to, but till now, i didnt.
Its difficult, so difficult to hold back the tears. Whenever others ask me why, i have to shake my head and say im fine. I have to stop those tears from falling. I know people are sick and tired of seeing me emo, i am too. I want to stop feeling unhappy about this, i want to smile, laugh, go crazy with them everytime. But why? Why did it have to end off like that?
Im thankful to those who cared for me. But, do they really understand how it feels? Sometimes it easy to say, its easy to tell people what to do. But when you are in the situation yourself, you wont find it so easy. I mean everyone knows it right? Tonight, i'll wipe my tears, i will be fine when i wake up tomorrow. But still, i know, this problem still exists. Its not solved, i know no one can help me, except for myself. I have to let go of whats holding me, and move on. But its not easy. Everytime i wipe my tears and tell myself its alright, i'll really wake up being fine the next day. But soon, i will still get stuck with the same issue. Call me stupid or whatever to get myself into such a situation, but i cant help it, really cant.
Yes, and now, im gonna turn in, wake up being fine tml. But really, i know i didnt solve my problem.

有没有永远再不会让心绝望的解药?

Opportunities

2011-04-02T22:12:00.002+08:00

Should i be feeling happy or sad? Should i be smiling or crying?
By right, yeah initially, i should be feeling happy.
But somehow, because of something else, im not.
Yeah, i do know, those opportunities dont come often.
Opportunities are only for those who know how to cherish.
Maybe i didnt grab them in the past. And because of this, i've really regretted. Its like everytime when i said "no", i wished i didnt say it.
Everytime when i looked away, i wished i had stepped forward.
And really, everytime i rejected, i wished i had accepted.
Its a pity when you see those opportunities past by you, stop by others, and they make good use of it. And somehow you wish, you could be a little more daring, a little more courageous, and ask for them instead of them coming to you.
Maybe yes its true, if i want to succeed, i have to try all ways.
Not trying to be emo here, but im just trying to sort out my thinking.
I dont want myself to get so frustrated, get so sad everytime i think about it. In fact, i should be happy about today right? But maybe, because the issue has been on my mind for a really long time, and i hadnt find myself a solution to it.
But i cant change the past, i can only cherish the present, and not repeat those mistakes in the future. Yes, perhaps this is the best way to stay happy.

April, you'll be fine right?

2011-04-01T00:29:00.002+08:00

Its the start of April, marks the beginning of many different and new things.
New semester, in my second year, its gonna be kind of different i know.
New batch of juniors coming in to gusto, we're gonna be seniors.
There's many things i need to adapt to definitely, and many things i need learn and change.
I really hope april will be a good month.

Because through all these, we learn and we become stronger

2011-03-29T23:23:00.002+08:00

Who says only the weakest cry? Who says people who are strong cant cry?
Its alright to cry, but after that, dry your tears, get back up.
Crying doesnt really mean you arent strong, because you know you are strong, when you overcome what others couldnt.
But you know, its still not enough.
You not only need to be strong, but tough.
Its not just about holding back your tears, but more of having a positive point of view.
I promise, i'll learn, i'll change.
I'll give myself time, and i promise, i will do it.
Definitely not gonna give up after fighting for so long, i will and i am gonna get better.

RESULTS OUT!

2011-03-22T16:27:00.002+08:00

Hello!
Feeling rather happy today.
My results for last sem was out this morning!
Was really shocked and surprised with some of the modules!
Hmmm rather satisfied with the results, coz i did better than what i expected. Well, at least my efforts did pay off.
Although i didnt do as well as some of my friends, but i guess as long as you meet up to your own expectation, its enough.
I think sometimes, we shouldnt compare with others, or rather, we should compare with ourselves.
Everyone is different, progressing at different speeds. I cant expect myself to do as well as others because i know im different from them. So long as i set a target for myself and i can reach that target, i should feel satisfied. Perhaps this is what they call being contented.
We shouldnt ask for too much, because in this way, we can never learn to be contented with what we have.
Alright, gonna go for my training soon, i'll blog again :D

GUSTO CHAMPIONS!

2011-03-20T22:31:00.005+08:00

Hey guys!
Im here to share a piece of really good news! :D
For today and yesterday, I went down to jurong east sports hall to support SP gusto, our dearest group of seniors for the Singapore national cheerleading championships 2011.
Guess what? Im so proud to announce that SP gusto are triple champions! Our seniors were champion for the group stunts, senior high category, and of course, the overall champion!
Omg, you know we were all screaming like hell.
We thought they would be double champions for group stunts and high school category, but we didnt expect the overall champion to be SP gusto! We were screaming, shouting so loudly.
I dont know, we were just so happy. Im so so so so so proud of our seniors!
Though we did not participate in it, but we could totally feel the joy when we were announced the champions, we felt so happy for our seniors!
But at the same time, there were mixed feelings. Its like i was so happy for gusto, so inspired and motivated by them to train harder, because we wanted to bring glory back to gusto next year, we wanted gusto to be a strong team. But at the same time, we were all so afraid, can we do it? What if we disappoint our seniors? What if we disappoint all the others who were so supportive of gusto? What if we let them down?
Its like they were so great, all of us are looking up to them.
You know how proud i felt, when i was sitting in the crowd, and when our seniors do their routine, someone behind me said,"why they so strong uh?"
And i was in the toilet, i heard people said, "SP gusto is full of energy."
You know we were so happy at that time, especially at the end of their routine, when it was all stunts up, we screamed!
So seriously, i guess we should really train doubly hard, because we know now, we are just way too behind them, and we dont want to embarrass our team, we still have time, we should really train!
If you dont know about the nationals, you should go to youtube, and type singapore cheerleading national championships 2011. Gusto is really awesome! But there are some other teams which are really great too! Do take a look at wildcards routine! Theirs are really great! Omg, really admire them lots!
Well, but at nationals, that kind of atmosphere, im sure everyone must be feeling so nervous, so actually, all teams that competed are really great! To be able to finish their routine, im sure they did felt a sense of achievement, and im sure all teams did their very best.
Lets hope we juniors can continue to do gusto proud. Good job to our dear seniors, we are really so proud of all of you! :D
Some pictures for today and yesterday. We took quite a lot of pictures there while waiting!

Took this yesterday after their group stunts! Hehe, from tall to tallest :D

Took this yesterday with vinnie! She's so cute right?

Took this today after the whole competition! This is our senior team! :D

And finally, before we left, we took this with our seniors!

Alright, that will be all.
Gonna go to bed soon, blog again some other time alright!
Be happy for me, for gusto! GUSTO CHAMPIONS! :D

Not even a chance

2011-03-16T22:57:00.003+08:00

I'm so disappointed, so freaking hell disappointed.
I just wanted a chance, even though i know i may not succeed, but just a chance for me is enough.
But i don't even get that chance, why?
Why must it always be like that. It always have to turn out like that.
I realize since i was young, i've never got anything which i really wanted, never got what i really work hard for.
Why?
I was really sad and disappointed. Others can tell me "its alright", "nevermind", "try again", "don't be sad", yes everything, i can tell myself that too. But they just didn't know how important it is to me.
I wanted to be a happy girl, not an emo girl.
But why? why? why? Everytime i decided to smile, to get over an unhappy issue, to be more optimistic, something so disappointing and unhappy must happen?
Why? It's not as if im much lousier, its not as if i don't even have the standard, but i didn't even get the chance.
Just a fucking chance, no i didn't get it.
I cried, because this wasn't the only time. It happen to me everytime.
Unfair, this is really unfair.
But why? Why is it always me?
I've tried telling myself, someday your life's gonna be better, your luck's gonna change, but when?
If you're me, being in the same situation as me, you can't smile, trust me.
Yeah, blame it on my rotten luck.
I've just got to accept it, what else can i do?

Lost and found?

2011-03-11T22:30:00.002+08:00

Some little things do make you smile.
I did, i got in touch with an old friend, someone whom i have not spoken to for years.
Its like a lost and found, though my friend isnt an object.
Yeah, but the feeling of finding someone whom you have lost touch with, there's this sense of familiarity, its as if i have gone back to the old days.
So you know, friends do matter. Treasure those good friends around you.

EXAMMMMMMMSSSSS OVERRRRR!

2011-03-01T11:32:00.002+08:00

Hello people, i promise to blog after exams, so here i am.
Okay so how was my papers? I think i lost marks for every single paper. But oh well, whatever, i always had careless mistakes, thats like so common for me.
Okay but for my marketing paper, oh gosh, i think i lost quite alot of marks. Hope my A wont fly away please.
Okay whatever, whats over is over, not gonna think about my papers anymore.
So anw, i've finished my year one!!!!!!!
Sighhhh, yeah im glad that exams are over, glad that im having my holidays now, but.... you know holidays can be really boring.
Its only my official first day of holidays, but i can already sense how bored this whole holiday is gonna be.
Like seriously, what can i do? Im trying to get a job, yeah trying, not much confidence about it though.
And if i can, that kind of solve my problem, if not, i dont know how im gonna spend the one and a half month of holidays!
Someone suggest to me what can i do for the rest of my holidays rather than sleeping, using laptop, watching tv blah blah blah......
I kind of feel that im gonna waste my time like that, and my whole holiday is gonna be so meaningless. You see, i just woke up from bed not long ago, and im feeling so sleepy again.
So dont tell me im just gonna keep sleeping and sleeping for the whole holiday?
Whatever luhhh, i better get a job, pray that i can.
If not im gonna die this holiday, dont know where to get money from.
Yeah thats all, to those still having their papers, good luck. Spend your last few days of exams wisely, because after your exam, your are gonna be as bored as me.
Okay bye.

Finally, its gonna be over sooooooooonnnnnnnn!!!!

2011-02-20T00:02:00.003+08:00

Somehow i couldnt believe how fast time flies.
Yeah somehow ever since i came to poly, time passed by really fast, you know its the last one or two weeks of my year one in poly? After all my exams, after 4 papers, im gonna finish year one, and go on to year two.
Alright, i know i should be studying now instead of talking about all these things which have not happen yet. But but but, i have studied for quite long today, and im only spending like a little while for blogging, this isnt too much right?
Alright, you know im soooooooooooo looking forward to after exams, there's so much time for me to relax, though i think i still have to go for training.
And anyway, i really want to go shopping!!!! Arrhhhhh wth, but im like freaking broke.
Yeah yeah my angbao money has been deposited into the bank, coz i havent been saving up for the previous few years, and i feel kinda guilty, so i put most of it into the bank, left with a little little, yeah really little.
And wtf, i think im such a muddlehead, coz previously i bought this opi nail polish from a blogshop owner coz apparently they came to sp to sell, and then, it was out of stock so she refunded me the money. She transfer the money to my bank acc, together with my friend's refund, and wtf, im soooooooooooooooooooooooooo careless to actually gave the wrong acc number! Freaking angry with myself. Coz i actually refer to one of the transaction receipt, and the number i gave was one of a blogshop's acc number. Wtf, and i have to contact the blogshop owner, hoping that she will be nice enough to verify it and transfer back to my account. If not, i will not only lose my refund, and i also have to pay for my friend's refund! Oh gosh, why am i so stupid? Sometimes i really wish my brain can function better.
Okay enough of it, no point talking so much about it, i guess i can only pray for the person to reply back to me uh. Im so broke and some shit like this have to happen, makes me even more broke, sighhhh, well i can only blame my stupid brain.
Okay, and i guess i seriously need to find a job in the holidays. Yeah, but im not sure if training is still on, if we're going for competition, definitely we have to go back for training. And if we're not, i think we still have to go back.
So tell me, how am i gonna work? Sighhhhh, nvm im gonna find a way, really need money! I need to spend, like seriously, i really wanna go shopping!
You know sometimes i really envy those rich kids, who dont even need to work and their money just came from their parents. Yeah maybe you may say they are so dependent on their parents, but the point is, they just dont need to go through hardships.
So you see, why am i always complaining on my blog, complaining that im so freaking broke, because i really am.
Im not those kids who stay at home, and their money just fall from the sky. They dont need to worry about every single thing they buy, whereas for me, whenever i go shopping, just one single item i have to think really long, coz i dont want to waste every single cent and dollar of mine.
Okay whatever, the point is, i really need to work alright. Maybe you will think im so stupid, to go and work just for shopping. But it isnt all for shopping, there's more to it. Much much more reasons why i need to work.
Enough of money, seriously, im always broke.
But seriously, speaking about shopping, i really feel like going overseas. Especially thailand, like seriously, the stuff there are so cheap. But wth, i think i can just wait slowly, i wonder when's the next time my family will go for a holiday uh. I think will be faster for me to save up myself and go with my friends luh.

Alright, and something so unlucky happen to me.
You see, i wanted to go for a swim or a run today. Finally, after thinking for really long, im so determine to go running. I got changed, prepared, and left the house. The moment i step out of my blog, it started raining.
I was so unlucky coz it didnt rain while i was changing, it didnt rain before i left the house. It just rain the moment i left the block.
Yeah whatever, used to it. Im always that unlucky.
Well anw, gonna go to bed soon.
Accounting paper on monday, please please please let me do well for it. I've got high expectations for accounting, partly because i took poa in secondary school.
But im so afraid of disappointments, just like during the o levels, i thought my poa would be able to get an A1, but i got an A2.
So please, dont leave me with disappointments alright? I did work hard for this whole year, and for this paper.
And obviously, for other papers too. My last paper is next next monday, and then it will be freedom. Then i'll go and think about how the hell im gonna earn more money.
Yeah thats all, good luck to those having their papers next week too, and also for those who already started their exams.
Blog again after all my papers, goodbye :D

Maybe, its still a lesson learnt

2011-02-15T00:01:00.002+08:00

Hi people, I just finished two presentations today, and I am left with a last gems presentation on friday and that will be the end of all my projects for year one. Hopefully I'll do well for that two presentations coz it means a lot to me yeah. And so basically, this week is my study week and I'm gonna chiong like mad for my revision. Quite worried for my marketing paper, luckily its the last paper and I hope I've got enough time to prepare. Wish me luck for my preparations for exams alright? Coz most of the papers for this exam has a heavy weightage. Can't screw it up for sure.
Gonna sleep now and wake up earlier tml to continue on with the revision.
Oh and hope you guys have had a wonderful valentines day though its alr over.

Sometimes, its like a lesson learnt.
Through small little things like this, we get to understand life better, see things clearer.
Those ups and downs are part of life, and maybe, we just got to accept all those.

Happy Chinese New Year! :D

2011-02-08T18:47:00.004+08:00

So basically, this is my cny.
Didnt manage to take any photos on day 1. Well, i was quite unhappy in fact, so nvm about it.

Day 2

Went out to plaza sing to watch a movie and had dinner with family coz we had no where to go.

Day 3

Spend the whole day with gusto people. Went to melody house at first, we had to leave at 7 plus, so we headed to felicia's house to continue our gambling. Alright i swear melody's room is super duper nice! Love her room aloootttt! Took tons and tons of pictures in her room, its all on fb btw. Im just lazy to post them up here.

Day 4

Day 4 was also with gusto, went to patrick's house instead. Continue gambling coz we are so addicted to it. And overall for that 2 days, i won a little bit, errr about 7,8 dollars i guess. Okay, my cny was quite fun with gusto!
Yeah so thats it for cny, dont know if i will still go around for house visiting or whatsoever.

Alright and something else, i think I've finally decided.
Decided that i should try my best to be a happy girl. I shouldnt think so negatively, shouldnt think of so many silly things.
Doesnt really matter if life is unfair, yeah, but i cant do anything about it right?
The only thing i can do is to be happier each and every day, so that my everyday will be meaningful.

开心也是一天，不开心也是一天，所以应该开心一点。
我不会这么容易放弃，我会继续等。
我相信我一定能等到那一天。

Smile, because your smile is worth it.
Be happy, because you will make others happier.

Just have to get use to it,

2011-02-02T21:28:00.004+08:00

Happy chinese new year everyone!
I hope you guys have had a nice reunion dinner, hope you guys will enjoy your chinese new year.
I always thought of cny as a really boring occasion, coz i dont really have anything to do during cny.
I would be at my grandma's house, and there's really nth much for me to do there..
Perhaps the only thing for me to look forward to was the collection of ang bao and to be able to dress up nicely, and maybe the goodies.
Yeah, perhaps... But every year, i'll still wish for that day to come, coz it was kinda special, to me, coz i guess thats the day all our relatives get together....
So you know, i really thought of it as a special day, its like a family day for us, coz i rarely have one, and i dont even rmb when's the last time i ever had it...
But, its kinda sad and pathetic when this only day is ruined, by some small little silly issues.
So often, i dont add a "happy" to my chinese new year, coz i obviously know that it wouldnt be that happy.
You know sometimes, you really hope things can change, or at least, remain as how it is. But sadly, it didnt, the situation may worsen, till a point of time where you really cant take it anymore.
Its really kind of pathetic, when you dont even understand why should people behave in such a way. I dont see a point in continuing the situation like this.
You know, i really wanted a break, a proper break from school because i was so tired, so stress up from work.
I was so disappointed with my fom results coz i really did put in so much effort even though i was so busy with cheer, even though we met with difficulties this time round. And yet, what was the results seen? Is it even worth the effort?
I was really so disappointed, so sad, to the extend which i asked myself what was all those effort and hardwork for? For a stupid B grade?
So i wanted a break, a short one, before i can finally work really damn hard for the final exams.
But this break, apparently didnt make me happier, it didnt make me more relieve, isnt it?
I dont know, maybe sometimes you have been looking at things from your own point of view, and you couldnt really see things clearly.
And maybe sometimes, you thought things have been so difficult for you, but you didnt really think of others.
I know, i really know, it is difficult, but what about me? Was it easy for me to go through all this?
And perhaps, i still have to continue going through it, and maybe, its not gonna end, never.
Sometimes we say, we hate people who are fake, hate people with fake smiles, fake tears, fake feelings, hate those who are so fake to others.
But maybe i should say, perhaps sometimes people should remain a little fake, because being yourself, showing your hatred to others, it isnt necessary the best, because it will just cause problems, more problems.
I wish i could smile a little more, be a little less emo, coz i dont want to spread my emo-ness to others. But... in some situations, you are just not given a choice.
Yeah, but maybe i should be glad, a little more happy, that i've found someone, who can really understand how i feel, since she's the same as me. But maybe, she's still a little luckier.
Whatever it is, i'll still try to stay optimistic, i know whatever i've typed out contradicts this.
But i will, and i have been trying.
I'll just hope that this is a happy chinese new year, and i mean it, really happy one.
Hope you guys enjoy your new year, collect more hong baos alright!

I've never wanted everything to be perfect, but maybe, the only reason why i cant be always happy is i didnt know how to look beyond those imperfections.
And this, i just have to learn to do it.

Smile and get over it

2011-01-27T23:18:00.003+08:00

Hi, i know i havent been updating for more than a week.
Thats because im really busy, there's so many projects, assignments, tests all on this week. I've just finished my fom presentation on tue. Quite a disaster i should say. The laptop we are using just suddenly blackout halfway, we panick, didnt know what to do, shock, scared, nervous, everything all written on our faces. Why? Coz we couldnt exceed a 30 mins, and the time still goes on. Especially me, i was the one speaking when it just auto shut. So in the end, i continued presenting without the slides after wasting a few mins. I wish i was more calm, so i wouldnt have wasted that few mins. Whatever it is, i hope our hardwork pays off, especially this time round when so many things happen, but we still put in our best effort to finish it.
Well, anw i've still got more projects waiting to be completed. Most of the datelines is the week after cny.
Sighhhhh i want a proper break, a proper one seriously.
Tml is friday. SERIOUSLY TGIF!
It has been such a tiring week, and i mean it. Trying to rush through for the datelines and everything, no joke, i had to sleep late because i need to complete those assignments, because i dont want to fail my test, because i dont want to go to class without doing tutorials.
Alright, this sat's training gonna be the last one before we break for the final year exam.
I hope its gonna be fine, hope so....
Not just training, exco interview, sighhh havent decided what position to choose. HEADACHE!
Okay okay, i think i should go to bed now, since i finished revising for my test early, i should go and sleep early.
Let's hope i get this proper break for cny, enjoy your weekends people! :D

Let things go right.

2011-01-16T00:31:00.004+08:00

Hello people, this week is such a busy week. And next week is gonna be even busier.
This week im always staying in school doing project. Projects after projects, when is it ever gonna end?
And next week, there's so many datelines, im gotta rush, like seriously.
This is a better week i guess, i hope that things are starting to go right, rather than everything going in the wrong way.
The previous week is a bad one i should say, felt that everything is going the wrong way.
I cant do a single thing to change anything, feel so helpless, so frustrated, so alone.
But i guess things are better right now. I keep telling myself this, no matter how tough things are, its gonna change one day. It wont always remain so bad, it will be better someday, you just have to wait patiently for that day.
Cheer is fine, some small little things which i can achieve although i know there's still a long way for me, still many many things which i need to catch up with.
Well, but those small small things which i achieve can give me lots of motivation, you know?
I guess thats the sense of achievement, something i wouldnt get anywhere else.
And perhaps, sometimes if you didnt give up, and keep trying, you will get it one day, no matter how long you have to wait for that day, you know its worth it when you see the results.
Though life is unfair, though putting in 100% effort doesnt mean you will get back 100%, but it is better than not putting in any effort, and not getting back anything in return right?
Okay anw, tomorrow is gonna be damn damn busy, i've got many assignments, tutorials to complete.
And i have to rush through them tomorrow, coz my whole day today is gone, taken by cca.
Im getting so stress up coz of my projects, give me some support and motivation please.
ARRRHHHHH LAST SEM I MUST HANG IN THERE!
Okay anyway im having a flu, i hope i recover soon, coz it sucks to fall sick.
Oh anw, i keep playing a few songs coz i really like it.
Go listen to it if you havent heard of it, its really nice.

萧亚轩 - 错的人
王力宏 - 你不知道的事
蔡依林 - 小伤口

I keep playing and playing.
Its all emo songs lah, but somehow i feel that emo songs are the nicest, coz i always find their lyrics so meaningful.

只是小伤口那又为什么
随时碰就随时痛

Just the way you are,

2011-01-10T18:12:00.004+08:00

Hi im back on my blog.
Well, life is getting pretty bored recently, its just school, school and school.
There isnt really anything much for me to blog about, but nah, im trying to blog at least once in a week.
Blogging is the time when you can say whatever you wish to tell on your blog.
So, here's the updates on how i am recently.
Well, im starting to feel the stress for this final sem.
There's projects piling up, waiting to be done, but i dont know where and how im gonna start, feel so lost.
Competition is nearing, in march, and i feel what we are achieving is kinda pathetic, we need to work really hard.
Im having muscle aches all over, with bruises here and there, from saturday's training.
Its gonna get tougher for sure, but well, everybody just jiayou alright?
Hmmm oh and anw, regarding my test results, rather satisfied with most of the modules, except for bc, business commnication, which i feel that im in deep shit.
Doing really bad for that, sigh, and the thing that pulled my marks down, a simple grammar test which we have done it before.
Just coz it is simple, i didnt pay much attention to it, im really dead, have to do well for the last proposal.
Left with pacc paper, i hope it doesnt bring me any disappointment. You know what i want, dont you?
Im looking forward to a short break, probably chinese new year, for me to take a short rest, before i charge for the final exams.
I hope things will go on well...........
Something nice about today, saw a super hot guy in sp, and he is so gentleman to hold the door for we girls to go in first. Even when i let him out first, he still stood outside to hold it for me until i walk in. Unlike some other guys who i've seen and they dont even hold the door for girls, worse still, expect girls to hold it for them.
Oh yeah, just an update, anw, bk just open its outlet in sp, haha went to bk for lunch today :D
sighhhh too many fast food outlets in sp, not healthy.
Oh oh, and i wanna get this.

Was browsing through during lessons.
Like both the colours, well but obviously, im not gonna get two.
Arhhhh i wanna get my longchamp bag, hmmm or will someone be nice to get it for me?
Lol, just jk, sighhh money please fall from the sky.
There's still so much more things i wanna get.
Oh anw, this is random, i hate to say it, but seriously, i dislike people who are ridiculous, that kind of childish act.
Not gonna mention much about it.
Okok, thats it for today, bb to all :)
Lets end off with some webcam!

Do you understand?

2011-01-05T00:20:00.002+08:00

I want to do well so freaking badly...
But i cant, no matter how hard i've tried.
And do you all understand that kind of disappointment, not just disappointment, huge disappointment, hitting you over and over again.
Falling down over and over again, do you know how hard it is to pick myself up?
Working hard isnt always the key to success, you know?
But i really tried, i wish to tell you all how much i've tried.
But from everything im showing, i dont know how i can convince you all that i've tried.
And you cant understand, how helpless i am.
And you cant understand how impossible it is.
And you cant understand everything which im feeling.
So tell me, what am i suppose to do?
What a good way to start 2011.

Goodbye 2010!

2010-12-31T18:13:00.003+08:00

Hello people, its 31st december 2010.
Can you believe it? The whole year of 2010 just passed by like that. Time pass that fast, so fast that i cant believe its gonna be the end of 2010 in a few hours time.
Well, whatever it is, we cant get back those time that we've lost, so lets just welcome 2011.
2010 definitely has many ups and downs. Many unhappy times, many happy times. I wouldnt say its a great year, neither is it a bad year.
I've met different people, got into different situations which i dont want to, but its through all these which i've learnt.
I've got to know a bunch of good friends, know what's important to me, those people who went through tough times with you.
Well, but i dont deny that 2010 is a stressful year. Seriously, i didnt think that coming into poly would be that stressful, but perhaps its because i dont want to disappoint those people who care about me, thats why, i want to see myself improving.
And it is also in this year, when i keep feeling so empty. Idk why, but there are so many times, when i felt this emptiness within me, its as if you wanted to talk to someone, but there's no one. Not that there isnt anyone by your side, there is, but you just couldnt speak whats on your mind. And you just dont feel like talking, dont feel like doing anything else.
Idk why, yeah, maybe im stress, thats all.
I wonder why 2010 seems extremely short, perhaps its because im busy, pretty much busy this year.
But everything is gonna be over, coz when the new year starts, its a new beginning.
Sooooo, whats your new year resolutions?
Hmmm.... mine?
1. I want to get a higher gpa, do better in my studies.
2. I want to do better in cheer, work hard together with my fellow teammates to achieve our personal goals.
3. I want to be a happy girl! :D
Thats what i thought of so far, coz right now my life is revolving around studies and cheer.
Well, i will add on to it if i thought of more.
So people, happy new year to all of you, in a few more hours time, lets look forward to a better year ahead! :)

It means nothing, simply nothing

2010-12-26T00:00:00.002+08:00

Currently blogging with my phone, so damn difficult to type a post with the phone, so many words, but I'm desperate to blog. I just feel like screaming out, shouting out all the feelings and unhappiness within me.
It isn't the first time. I've tolerated with it the first time, thinking that things have changed for the better, and no, its getting more and more ridiculous.
Yeah whatever, all my fault. I don't want to explain anything, coz explanation means
nothing, nobody believes in it totally unless you prove it to them.
I'm angry, fking angry, at myself for tolerating with it the first time. And angry with the childish act, and judging me in such a negative point of view.
All the misunderstandings started out because others don't understand and they make assumptions.
But I won't explain, I won't try to clear the misunderstanding.
Its not up to me to change anything, its the attitude.
Since it means nothing at all, I wouldn't care a single bit.
Wtf, learn to reflect upon what you've done.

For everyone, for love.

2010-12-18T20:33:00.007+08:00

Hello people!
Enjoying my holidays now, first week of holidays, so what have i done?
Hmmm, basically there were 3 days of training. And ermmm i went shopping, and the other days im resting at home i guess. Oh and yeah, had a thanks giving day with gusto on wednesday, and we had a bbq.
So, we juniors actually have to get a simple gift for the seniors, we were only informed the day before, so we could only do/buy it on the day itself. So in the end we decided to make chocolates for them.
Well, its my first time making chocolates, so im rather noob at it.
But its a fun experience though.

The process.... We spent the whole morning and afternoon preparing for it!

And then we waited for it to harden. okay i know from the picture it looks ugly, but at least it looks nicer after we took it out.

We did the icing, G for Gusto!

And there's the heart shape one.

So for each person, we gave 1 of each. the one with a heart, a G and the one which is in a rose. The rose one is only to make it look nice, though i think it doesnt really look nice.... And the G and heart shape are suppose to represent love gusto.

And finally, all our end product. Our hardwork pays off, after seeing everything packaged up, given to the seniors.

Well, but in fact the girls did most of the things. The guys did help, but just a little. They were watching tv, playing cards all the while!!!
Hahaha, but its fun, i dont mind doing it :D

Okay anyway, im only left with 2 weeks of holidays, gonna spent it wisely.
I wanna go picnic, i've been saying it for many times!
Oh and yesterday i went shopping, hehe i've got more things for myself, including those that just arrived from the blogshop!
And for today, its the last training for this year, as in 2010.
The attendance was really really bad, the worst i've ever seen. But training wasnt that bad though, at least we managed to do that sequence.
So.... looking forward to more upcoming activities this holiday!
And people, do enjoy your holidays too!

We are all different

2010-12-10T23:25:00.003+08:00

Life doesn't allow us to have everything, we have to make choices.
And if you don't, you just have to make sacrifices.
But is it worth you sacrificing so much?
It wasn't easy for me to come this far.
But when you are force to make a choice, you just have to choose what's best for you.
I don't feel good either, but we still need to do something about it.
May the storm end soon. Rainbow after the rain, I hope.

GOODBYE EXAMS, HELLO HOLIDAYS!

2010-12-09T18:18:00.003+08:00

Hi im back for a post.
MST IS OVER! LETS WELCOME THE HOLIDAYS! :D
Ohh my can you imagine? Im actually at home, right after the paper.
I didnt go out, coz i wasnt really in the mood to.
Well, not that i did badly for my paper though, i guess im just tired.
But anw, i'll still be going out tml.
Hmmm so my papers were okay, all manageable i guess. But anw, i dont want to have any expectations, i've had enough of disappointment. And before we get back the papers, i shouldnt think of anything else that might disappoint me in the end.
Alright, i've got so many plans in this holiday.
Most important thing is, do i have the time to do everything that i want to?
And and and, MONEY! SO BROKE RECENTLY! Well i know im always complaining that im broke.

Im intending to watch rapunzel tml, heard its quite nice!
And tml, another shopping trip, though i keep complaining im broke, but end of year shopping is a must!
Okay anw speaking about holidays, let me list out some plans that i have.
1. Photo taking sessions! Definitely a must, have been saying it for so many times without doing.
2. More shopping trips! Seriously there's so much more things i wanna get.
3. Meet ups with fellow 4d1 classmates! :D If not we might not have the time when school reopens. (Hopefully someone will be nice enough to organize a class outing?)
4. Picnic! Okay this is random, but i seriously want to go picnic. I cant rmb when was the last time i go for picnic, or did i even go picnic before?
5. Christmas with gusto! :D
6. Watch movies/ dramas.
7. Get enough rest!

Well, i dont know if i can get everything done this holiday, coz i still have to go back school for training, but one thing i know, i have to get enough rest! I keep feeling so tired, and keep feeling that i didnt have a proper rest, not even during the weekends.
Initially, i intended to work during this holiday, but i guess 3 weeks, or maybe lesser, is too short for me to work right? And most probably, i cant work on sat, tue and thu. Yeah, so i decided, maybe i should wait till mar/apr.
Hmmm anw, seriously, time flies isnt it?
My mst is over, and when school reopens its gonna be a new year.
It doesnt really feel like december now, this year pass really fast right?
Well, to all those who are having their last paper tml, good luck.
And those ppl in other poly who havent start their common test, all the best too, while i can go enjoy my holidays! :D

See how time flies,

2010-12-08T01:01:00.004+08:00

Well time flies isnt it, its halfway through my mst. And, its december, coming to the end of the year!
Though i shouldnt be blogging now, but i've done my revision, this is just gonna be a short post and im going to bed.
Well anw, im left with 2 more papers, so looking forward to holidays, where i can relax for a little, dont get so stress up.
Well but i guess my holiday isnt really that good, coz i still have to go back for training...
Sigh, im so tired.
Well anw, i didnt know the media is so exaggerating until just now, when i read the newspaper.
It was the chinese newspaper, and they were talking about one of the recent star search contestant.
They said he blamed the role that he got, which caused him to lose. And i guess in actual fact, he only said he felt restricted by that role.
And i think much more negative remarks which he didnt really mention, and yet they interpret in some other way.
Hmmm, now we know how celebrities feel, when they have to deal with this kind of pressure from the media. Just imagine if you were them, and you didnt said such things, and people just misinterpret it, intentionally or unintentionally.
Okay, dont mind about what i've said, im just stating my commends of the media.
Alright, back to topic, so anw im just waiting for my papers to be over, and im gonna prepare lots of activities for myself.
I dont want to rot at home this holiday!
But before that, i need to clear my mst first, do it well!
Alright that'll be all, coming back for another post after mst, wait for me!

Things never change, not a single bit.

2010-12-03T17:41:00.005+08:00

When you meet with setbacks, you always told yourself to get up and pushes yourself forward.
When you meet with disappointment, you tried to turn it into motivation.
Yes, its easier said than done, things aint suppose to be that easy.
You want to be optimistic, you want to be confident, how can you ever do that if all that you see are failures?
Its just so disappointing, when you have hopes with you, set targets which you thought you will achieve just by working hard, but no, it doesnt turns out the way you thought.
Its so disappointing, when you couldnt even do a simple little thing just to meet up to your own expectation.
I just hate myself for this, why am i so competitive?
I wished i can let go a little, dont take things too hard, but i cant.
Coz i want to prove to myself, prove to others, to everyone.
I just dont know why it is always like that.
Im really wondering, have i made a wrong decision?
Maybe, some people, can actually turn disappointment to motivation, turn failure to success. Coz life is fair to them.
Yeah, but life isnt fair to everyone. In fact, its much more unfair than you can expect.
I just realized, from the past, till now, nothing ever changes.
Whatever i've seen now, is everything which i've seen in the past.
Being strong isnt just about saying "nevermind", "it's alright".
Being strong is just about not shedding a tear, for things which arent worth you crying about.
No, not easy, there arent many strong people around. Even though you tried hard to tell yourself it doesnt matter, dont be sad about such things, but you still will be.
I guess its time to face reality, that sometimes, you just got to fight for every single thing, because you aint as lucky as others.
Well right, even if thats the case, i still wish, that life can be a little more fair, just a little....

One down, more to go.

2010-11-30T23:30:00.003+08:00

Hello people, just a short post before i get on bed.
Well, fom project for this term is over! Handed in report today, had presentation today!
Alright, take note of my previous sentence, i said, fom project for this term.
Meaning, next term thr's another one, which is coming really soon, and we have to start it during the hols...
Alright but for this term, at least we've cleared one module, nope maybe two.
Had role play for bc last friday, pretty alright i guess, and grammar test on monday.
Felt so stupid for not revising through the grammar package on bb, coz most of the things are mainly the same.
Hmmm, so mst next week, i've just started on a little, just a little revision ytd, for my econs.
I did my dip plus tutorial just now, which is really so shit.
Dip plus is just like a maths, yeah. But sadly, that particular topic wasnt taught in a maths last time, but i think jc ppl do learn it.
Im like stuck at it, and the teacher teach really fast, i couldnt catch up.
So basically, i was so frustrated, coz i spent about 2 hrs just to do that few pathetic questions?
Reminds me of how i deal with o's in the past.
Alright nvm, nothing is impossible, just gonna try and try.
Hmmmm, tml sch will end at 11! I wanna feel how it's like to go home so early, havent been going home early for really long.
In fact, every wed, my lessons end at 11, but i got gymnast at 7.30, so in the end, even if i go home, i still have to be back in school, so it doesnt make a difference.
Shall make full use of my time tml to revise my work! :D

Just a little more,

2010-11-27T23:53:00.002+08:00

Omg im finally done with the stupid shit fom report, though i think we still got to do some editing on monday.
WTF, im really freaking hell tired, this few days, i've been busy doing this stupid fom thinggy, which is so damn difficult, need tons and tons of information, i need to be freaking thick skinned and walk into the shop to ask the manager, need to do survey and many more things.
I've been sleeping rather late, and everytime i said i wanted to sleep earlier, nope i cant.
Yeah and im telling myself, just 2 more weeks, i hope things get much much better.
Hate this kind of busy life, when i cant even slack down for a little while, coz im so afraid i dont have the time to complete my work!
2 weeks later shall be the end of mst, this coming week will be so super hectic, seriously, im gonna chiong my revision like mad!
Well, so i had training today, coz of that report, me and fec have to do it in the first half of the training, and we cant train, and we miss out quite a bit.
Alright, but we joined in during the second half, coz we cant possibly go to school just to do that report and miss our whole saturday training right?
Training was fine, well at least not that bad.
But today was rather fun at the end, did some stunts which we normally wouldnt have the chance to.
Well, the sense of achievement i've got after completing the stunt, well i know i didnt do a good job at it. The 221, is rather cui, for my side, but at the v least, i managed to hold it there.
Alright my last training before mst, two weeks without training, finally a break!
Then after training, at first wanted to go home straight to complete report and ppt.
But but but, they keep saying its the last time we can go vivo, before our mst, if not we'll have to wait till so long later...
I was influence by all of them, so decided to go in the end.
Thats why i finished my report so late ):
Alright nvm, i'll just do up my ppt, try to rush things tml.
And concentrate on this coming week! Revision, revision and revision.
Omg jiayou to me, hang on there, just 2 more weeks!

If i had a choice,

2010-11-24T23:16:00.003+08:00

Rather stressed with projects and cca recently.
Seriously wtf, idk what is wrong with me. I havent even started revision, its coming to the end of week 6, my mst is week 8. There's like not much time left, about 1 more week, and i havent started revising a single shit.
I hope i wont screw up my papers, i dont want to ):
Im just freaking busy with schoolwork, cca.
Thats all i have recently.
Well, so basically, just one marketing project is enough to drive me crazy. Coz we're all not so sure about what to do, and how to do it.
Sighhh i dont even know how i used to handle 3 or 4 projects in a week last sem.
Luckily i dont have to do that this sem.
Sighhhh im seriously so stress up, coz im so short of time.
I wish i have more than 24 hrs a day, sighhh...
Alright enough of my complaints, i shall make full use of my time, done a little part of the report, but im seriously freaking tired, so right now, im not gonna think about anything else, and i'll just shut my laptop, and go to bed, tml is a super long day.
I hope nothing unpleasant will happen tml, im already in such a bad mood this few days, dont worsen my mood please.
Im so fucked up with you, seriously, it's such a pity.

Its just about taking the first step

2010-11-21T00:49:00.003+08:00

I've thought a little.
In the past, i've always mentioned it, but i didnt really give it a serious thought.
So now, maybe its time, when i should seriously think about it.
I keep avoiding this, because i thought that things are gonna get better, i thought that i really cant bear to do it.
But, its just about taking the first step right? Maybe it isnt as bad as i thought.
I dont want to, i seriously dont want to, because its not easy for me to get right here. But, the question is: What's the point of all this?
I wont get anything right? I know, because i understand myself.
And this few days, i've been feeling much better.
There's really an impact on me, on my life.
So, should i or should i not?

In a split second,

2010-11-19T21:36:00.002+08:00

Im blogging now coz im not in a good mood. Well, im not saying im in a bad mood, im just not in a good mood alright.
Its even weaker than i thought.
I'm not angry, not sad, but just disappointed.
If that was all that you meant, fine.
I forgot something, its human nature to be selfish. They didnt change, they just hide their flaws. We cant see it, doesnt mean it does not exist.
Its either everything or nothing.
And nothing, just says it all.
Just the same as others, totally the same.
Well, so we've seen everything.
Disappointment, is the only word for everything i've seen.

It is better to be thought of as a fool, rather than open your mouth to remove all doubt.

Friendship is delicate as a glass, once broken it can be fixed but there will always be cracks.

If things were much simpler,

2010-11-18T23:18:00.003+08:00

Hey people, im back for a post.
Alright, im still sick btw, especially when im coughing quite badly.
I always takes v long to recover from cough.
Well nvm, whatever, i cant do anything about it either.
Anw, i was rather pissed off in class today.
Shouldnt really say everything in details, but let me ask, hows the feeling of being accused by others?
And the thing is, when its not the first time someone ever said so, in the presence of other people, worst still, the whole class.
Freaking hell angry with it, not like i did something wrong.
Can i ask, in Singapore, in such a fast-paced society with advanced technology, which kid/teenager will not use their handphone in lessons? I mean even if its just a short while?
Whats more, if you already done what you are suppose to do, anything wrong with using the phone? And the most important thing is, I HAVE ALREADY DONE WHAT I HAVE BEEN TOLD TO DO.
I've been concentrating, listening whenever she speaks, i merely used it after i've completed the questions, when there's no one speaking.
Am i not concentrating when she speaks? If you insist on saying it, fine, check your eyesight, i bet there's some problems with your eyes.
It just sucks when you get scolded for no freaking hell reason. And this is not the first time, seriously, i dont know whats the problem.
I dont understand why she has to pick on us, oh you mean there's no one else in the class using the handphone? No one else in the class eating? Its not like we arent paying attention to her.
Freaking pissed off seriously. I was quite okay just now, but thinking about it now makes my blood boils.
Seriously, you arent worth my respect, coz if you want others to respect you, you should know how to respect others in the first place.
Okay fine, i'll stop talking about it, not gonna let it affect my mood since tml its friday!
Sigghhh, anyway, num has the one-for-one sale again. Recently, they got lots of it.
There's one halloween special which was over not long ago, and now they have the christmas special.
Okay, i think i'll just get it since i wanted it, let me just spent a little more, and i promise, i wont spent until the christmas sale.
I really wanna go shopping! Preferably next monday, but we have to do our project ):
Sighhh hope can finish it early.
Alright, now is week 5, going to week 6, mst is on week 8, 3 more weeks to go. Not much time left, got to start revision really soon. I must do well for this mst!
Hmmm, sometimes you will feel so troubled about things, especially when you dont know what to do right? Coz you know how much it hurts, you wont want it to happen. Sighhh, then tell me, what should i do? Gonnna think think think about it, hopefully i'll get an answer.
Hmm well that'll be all for today, im going to bed soon (:

Taking big steps,

2010-11-16T22:43:00.002+08:00

Hi all, i realized its almost a week and i didnt blog, got the sudden urge to blog so here i go.
Alright im sick, im coughing quite badly.
Not having a fever though, i think its pretty much got to do with the weather nowadays.
There's so many people falling sick.
LOL, when i went for my saturday training, actually im already sick, but i bought drink, and i shared with so many people.
And i think i spread my germs to so many ppl too, and in the end, so many ppl fall sick too.
Sorry to those whom i spread to, well, those that didnt, i shall say, your immune system is strong enough! :D
I wish my body immune system is strong too, i realized im quite weak, always falling sick, every few months there's gonna be once.
Alright, lets not talk about my sickness, spoils the mood.
Hmmmm, anyway coz im coughing quite badly today, i decided not to go for training, and i have the mc okay, not just skip for fun.
Yeah but i feel rather bad, coz tml is ph, no gymnast, sat i have a wedding to attend, not able to go also.
Well, nvm just take it as a break for me since i always claim that im tired.
So hows school? As usual, lessons are boring. Okay, but i've been paying much more attention during lessons.
Oh talking about school, dont know why, recently saw quite a few hot guys in sb, i tht there isnt much hot guys in sb lol.
Hahaha, fine, i'll stop saying it, but seriously, thats what i observe recently as compared to last sem when i always dont see any in sb!
Anw, tml is ph, it will be a day out!!!
Finally, there's another ph, gonna spend the day with sh and wx, well, wanted to go marina barrage for picnic, but wx said its the monsoon season, might be raining, so we drop the idea.
Well, so we just decided to head to any shopping mall, eat, chat, camwhore or whatsoever, well, it doesnt really matter where you are going, what matters is who you are going out with isnt it?
Im sure tml's gonna be fun coz it has been a long time since i last saw them!
Alright anw, im suppose to do my fom research now, arrrrrhhhhh im quite frustrated with fom, i dont seem to be able to find the info that i need.
Even if i spent hours trying to find the info on the net, sigghhhh but i dont want to do badly for the CA1, i know i've been slacking this term, but i dont wish to screw up my mst and pbl, its really important to me.
COME ON, BUCK UP NLJ!
IM GONNA DO WELL FOR THIS CA1, GONNA BE TOTALLY PREPARED FOR IT.
Having said so, i should be doing the research now, but but but, im seriously feeling so tired after taking the medicine, i think i'll just go and sleep first.
Well, not that i want to slack now, but im seriously tired, i think i'll wake up earlier to do tml, or wait till i come back home tml.
I'll definitely find time to do it alright!
Okay, goodnight and goodbye, im going to my dreams.

Uncontrolled emotions,

2010-11-10T23:39:00.004+08:00

Im in no position to say anything, i know.
Yet, i just cant help it.
I dont think you would even bother whether i shed a single tear or not.
Perhaps im doing too much previously, and now, i dont know whats wrong.
I dont know why it turns out like that, i cant help getting depress over it.
But i know, you wont care, its just that i have no right to say anything else, no right to blame you at all.
You arent oblige to care for me.

Keep going on...

2010-11-10T00:25:00.002+08:00

Today is such a bad day, hmm maybe i should say its an unlucky day.
Oh no not today, i just realized the time now is 1 plus, so i mean yesterday.
Yesterday's training was ermm... really tiring i guess, idk why so tiring.
And the bad thing is, i fell down countless times from the stunt.
Falling down is alright, but i landed on the floor for many times too.
I hit my head once or twice, got punch on the forehead and lips ))):
My lips is really painful coz when i got punched, my teeth bit the lips and it started to bleed.
Alright but now its okay.
Well, not others' fault though, its my fault for leaning back too early.
And accidents do happen, so its alright :D
Okkayy, lets just stay strong and endure through all these.
Tml there's gymnast, sighhhh lesson start at 9, end at 11.
Gymnast start at 7, 8 hours in school!!!! WTH!!!
Its has been like that for the past few weeks, but first two weeks im busy with doing the props, last week i've got homework to occupy me.
And for tml, nothing much to do, coz i already did my tutorials, and i only need to study for a short quiz on thursday.
Omg i seriously think im wasting my precious time.
Well but i think the rest of the week is gonna be quite alright :D

Off topic a little.
Nvm, you people wont understand what im trying to say either, just that i need to say it out.
Actually all these while, i've been trying.
Everytime i tried, i've failed, but i told myself, i cant continue on like this, i've got to do something.
Yeah, so right now, i dont know whether what im doing is right, but i know, it doesnt feel good.
I dont know what else i can do, coz it wasnt even right in the first place.
I dont know if you ever care, perhaps you do realise, just that it means nothing.
So im telling myself, keep trying, till its all over.
And when its all over, perhaps thats the time when everything will be back same again.

Back to topic, yeah, so now, im really tired.
I revised a little for my quiz on thursday, anw i've got two quizzes on thu, not much percentage but fine, im just kiasu alright.
Perhaps coz i've been slacking too much for the past two weeks, and i seriously feel that i should compensate to it.
Okay alright, im seriously tired, just waiting for my laptop to be fully charged and i'll just shut it down and get to bed straight away.
Okay, i should prepare first, go wash up and everything.
Goodbye people! :D

Its a break!

2010-11-04T23:45:00.002+08:00

HELLO!!!
Its public holiday tml, we've got a longer weekend!
Yay, whats more, there's no training on saturday!!! HOORAY!!!!
Alright, let me just talk a bit about this week.
This week is much much better coz the cheer for the woman event has ended, and we are more free now, not so stress anymore.
Hmmm, at least this few days i've been sleeping earlier, and i've not been falling asleep in lectures and tutorials anymore!
I rmb, i slept at 9 plus on sunday and monday, coz i said i want to get back all my sleep, have more rest!
Alright, but anw, this week is so much better, indeed i had enough rest i guess.
And seriously, i did all my tutorials this week! Im so proud of myself, i managed to find time to do them!
Hmm, so training was on as usual on tue, i was so emo on tue too, just by looking at the posts you will know. I guess most of you should know why, coz i couldnt do the stunt well, i keep wasting my bases' time and i keep injuring them.
Yeah, but now im fine, i should just try harder, a lot more harder, if i dont want to injured them, dont want to waste their time, dont want to slow down their progress, i should train harder! So jiayou to me!!!!
Okay then wednesday was gymnast. Gymnast is so much better than training, coz its so slack, just that stretching was painful.
Omg, something damn stupid happened!
I know its damn funny, coz everyone laughed at me at that moment.
Coz the coach was helping me to do bridge, i went down, and i was about to come up.
He was pushing my waist up to help me get up, but the thing is, one of his leg was actually stepping on my hair and i didnt know, until the moment when he pushed me up.
And all i felt was PAIN!
Omg, then i've got so mnay strands of hair on the maps, coz he stepped and my hair got pulled out!
I swear its damn freaking pain, and everyone was laughing, lol even i was laughing.
Omg my hair is so important to me in order for me to remain as a jellyfish :D
Alright and for today, a super long day, i didnt go for training coz i had dip plus.
Econs tutorial was much better than expected, at least i listened to her, didnt get scolded.
Hmmm, we were all slacking at fc4 while waiting for my dip plus and their training.
Lol, love the times with gusto! :D
Oh and dip plus was quite awkward, coz there's this guy behind who doesnt have the tb, so i shared with him.
And it feels weird la, quite awkward coz i dont really dare to talk to him and he dont really dare to talk to me.
Lol, nah whatever.
Alright, i'll be going shopping tml!
I havent been shopping for so super long coz im damn broke.
But this few weeks i've saved up a little, so its shopping time! Also time for me to relax coz im really stressed out recently!
Okay, i'll blog again some other time, goodbye people! :)

To be stuck in between,

2010-11-02T23:01:00.002+08:00

I dont know how many times i need to repeat this.
But im sorry, im really sorry.
I've tried, really tried, but sometimes, trying isnt what we all want to see.
We want to see results, i know.
Im really sorry, just because of me, we have to be stuck here.
Just because of me, you all need to compensate so much more.
I know i shouldnt be thinking in this way, but its a fact.
Just because we are together as one, wherever i am, is wherever you guys are.
And just because of that, it makes me the selfish one.
Just because there's so little that i can do, it limits your capabilities.
It just doesnt feel good.
Giving up isnt what i want, moving on isnt what i can do.
So now, im just stuck here, seriously, going on and on...
My posts are so emo recently, coz my life is pretty messed up with everything.
Last 2 weeks is a total mess, i dont know what i've been doing in school, sleeping in lectures, tutorials, getting scolded by tutor, screwing up this and that.
I hope this week would be much better, really, thats how life is.

I dont have a choice.

2010-11-01T18:35:00.002+08:00

Disappointment, damn damn disappointment.
Sighhh, yeah maybe its not that important, but still, its a huge disappointment.
Thinking of it now, im still disappointed, sad over it.
Im telling myself it doesnt matter, but still i cant help feeling so disappointed.
Sighh, dont worry, im not disappointed about anything else, just for myself.
Neither am i angry or sad about anything else, its just about myself.
Well, but whats over is over, stop thinking about it alright?

Some things are just so unpredictable.
I thought i told myself it will never happen, yeah thats what i had always thought, but now, it happened.
I cant explain why, but i just know, i have to stop this shit before everything goes wrong.
Idk how to, but somehow, i need to stop.
It doesnt feel good to carry on like this...
But you see, i dont have a choice. Dont have a choice in so many things, this is life....

Happy birthday to myself!

2010-10-29T23:38:00.003+08:00

This post is late, but nvm i've already wished myself on fb lol.
Alright happy birthday to myself, Ng LiJuan aka LJ aka jellyfish!
:DD
You see, time flies, one year, last year, i was still sitting for the o levels!
Okay, i had a great birthday, though its a simple one.
LOL, THEY PLAYED A TRICK ON ME, THEIR SO CALLED SURPRISE, TOTALLY RUINED BY LJH!
Fecilia planned the surprise for me, she told everyone not to wish me, and pretend as if they all forgot abt it.
No apparently they make it too obvious, surely someone will rmb my birthday right?
Yeah, but there were some spoilers, which ruin the surprise.
But nvm, i still love my birthday!
I mean seriously, it has been a long time since i had an actual birthday celebration.

My birthday cake! :D

Thanks gusto! :D and the many more who made my birthday a great one but arent here.

My "card", thanks dougy, lets do a comparison with the one below!

Thanks fecilia!

Thank you people! :D

Whats right, and whats wrong?

2010-10-27T23:38:00.004+08:00

Sighhh, i think im dead, super dead.
I cant differentiate between whats right and whats wrong.
I mean, maybe i can, just that my actions doesnt show.
Sometimes, i know, it doesnt get me anywhere if this goes on, but yet, i couldnt stop myself.
I tried hard, but i still cant.
Even if i told myself, its wrong, but i still dont know how to stop it.
Just because of this, i've lost control of everything.
Small little actions can actually hurt me, even though it doesnt mean anything to others.
Just because of this, i actually thought i meant something, just something small to you, but apparently, i didnt.
So right now, please, no matter what, stop all these.
Im reminding myself, you wont gain anything, any benefits from it.
I guess it will only hurt you at the end.
So, just stop it.

Little moments like this ♥

2010-10-25T22:29:00.002+08:00

Alright, the first week of school was over, come on no more slacking girl!
Anyway, had monster camp during the weekends.
Oh my monsters, they are so so so great. If only, if only, i can be a little little bit like them. Arhhhhh.
Alright, but anw, i guess some of you enjoyed the monster camp, but no seriously for me it sucks luh.
Those who benefited from it, congrats. I guess you all have learnt lots of things!
Alright, that day when we ended, we had dinner at vivo.
Haha vivo was great!
We just find a random spot, sat down and have our dinner. Its BK day.
Alright, then we took photos, did stunts, got a cake for samuel...
Then, oh yah, the mrt game!!!
Hahaha that was super fun, and ouch, super painful too!
Hate Tai seng, buangkok, si mei and the other one i forgot.
Lol, especially tai seng, damn painful!!!!
But its fun, coz i get to hit them back.
My hand and legs were both so red, yeah and we just sat down, played till about 10 i think, and we left home.
Ohhh there's something so dumb that happen hahaha.
Wont want to talk about it over here, just in case someone gets offended.
But but but, coz of that, im also quite happy/touched.
Yeah i know you people dont know what im refering to, but nvm, im touched, thats all.
And thanks gusto peeps, you guys are great!
Great at bringing joy to everyone, great at cheering others up!
Hope we'll still have little moments like this, or rather, hope i'll still be able to have it.

Middle of the road, where do i go?

2010-10-22T23:55:00.002+08:00

Im stuck, in between two choices.
Im really tired of all these.
All these while, i've been trying my best, putting in all the effort, so what did i get? Anyone can tell me?
No, nothing at all.
I've only seeing more and more of the negative side, more and more, but anything positive? The only thing is them, my family.
Thats the only thing i dont want to give up.
Its painful to go on like this, not that i dont want. But im really tired. How long can i carry on like this? I keep asking myself the same old question.
And after everything which i've done, what did i get? Is it worth it or not?
Seriously, when you know that the pain you felt is much more than the joy, its the time when you know you should stop everything.
Pain in terms of physically and emotionally.
We all got to face reality, sometimes, some things just isnt suitable for you. You just cant get it, no matter how hard you try.
Its true.
Sometimes you know, the simplest thing in life are the most beautiful, they are what made you happy, smile.
Why should things be so complicated, maybe if it doesnt, there wont be so much pain.
But reality is reality, the world is just so competitive.
I really dont know what to do, how to do.
I just want to cry my heart out.
Im sorry to everyone i've neglected.
Im sorry to myself.
Im sorry to all of you, if i ever disappointed you all in saying all these, ever made you all worried about me.
All of you are my family, for now, and forever.

So how far can i go?

2010-10-20T22:43:00.004+08:00

Life's as usual.
Its so dull, so bored.
Sighh third day of sem 2, bored ttm! My modules this sem is like freaking boring i guess!
I havent been listening in tutorials, lectures.
Alright this week tutorial doesnt have anything much, just introduction i guess.
And i've been sleeping in tutorials? OMG i think im still in holiday mood! WAKE UP LIJUAN!!!!!
SIGHHHH, okayokay, i'll promise myself that i'll be all ready by next week, just give me one more week to switch to the right mood please!
Alright, and hopefully when the woman's cheer run end next week, i'll be much much better, seriously, im tired of all this. And comeon, it's just like what? the first freaking week of sem 2?
And speaking of woman's cheer run, our group just did the tshirt today. HOORAY ZOOM!!!!! WE FINISHED THE COSTUME TODAY! At first when we tried the first shirt, we were so cautious, trying to do it so perfectly, yeah indeed, it turns out so nice.
But after a few, we all damn sian, everything just anyhow do, haha we're such a lazy group. but nvm, with the two brilliant and awesome group leaders, we sure win lahh! Haha just jk, im not so thick skinned.
But im so proud of us, we completed everything today, including the writeup which i did, just that ducky have to edit a little i think!
Alright, anw i've been injuring myself recently, due to the extensive trainings we had!!!
Firstly, my thigh, omg my poor thigh, i think i've been overstretching recently. Last week i tried to do heel stretch, i pulled it up all the way and suddenly it was damn freaking pain, i think i tear my muscle.
Then the next day, or two days later, there's gymnast, and i had to stretch like mad, so it kinda worsen?
After one week it got better but not fully recovered, and there's gymnast today and again, i stretch like mad, and it hurts so much, just by walking.
Secondly, my wrist.
My wrist was injured previously, few months ago, but after the few weeks without training, it recovered.
And now, with so many trainings, it hurts again, coz i dont know how to lock it well.
Lastly, my ankle. We're starting to do tumblings for gymnast, and sometimes when i didnt land well, it had some impact of my ankle and it hurts.
Wth, all the old injuries are back again.
Sighh, with all these, the monster camp on fri how?
And with all this, how far can i go? how long can i endure?
Seriously, i dont think this can get me anywhere....

A new beginning,

2010-10-17T22:29:00.002+08:00

Goodbye holidays, welcome school. Although i really dont want holidays to end ):
Sighhh why cant i have an extra week of holiday just like np students do?
Holidays is boring, but i rather slack than sitting in LT, listening to boring lectures )):
But nvm, i'll look on the bright side, perhaps the modules this sem would be much much more interesting? Though it doesnt seem so to me...
Arrrhh whatever, anw time flies, one sem would be over really soon.
I'll just have to endure through it, like how i did for last sem, actually it wasnt that bad afterall.
Alright, i really hate my timetable anw.
Especially friday, omg why are they always doing this to us?
Cant we end school earlier on friday, so that at least, we can go out?
I dont mind starting early, but at least end it early.
Sighhh nvm, just bear with it for one sem. Oh ya and for dip plus, i tht i can choose the timetable, i actually wanted it on tue, coz my lesson end at 6, just nice i can continue with dip plus.
But they actually planned it for me, and put it on thu, so the thing is i end lesson at 6 on tue, and have to rush to training straight!
Sighhhhh i dont like my timetable!!!!
I shouldnt grumble so much, i cant do anything about it.
Alright, first day of school for my second sem, it'll be good right? I hope this whole sem will be great. This week will be a busy week though its the first week, coz of the cheer competition.
Have to get everything done before camp. Sighhh im gonna have 6 days of training this week, 6 days you know?!
No, sorry 5 for me coz i have dip plus on thu, and from now on, i wont be able to join in training on thu, sorry guys.
Yeah 5 trainings, tue, wed gymnast, fri camp to sun.
Goodluck to me, and everyone else!

We are all different,

2010-10-14T23:57:00.002+08:00

It has been so long since i came back from cruise. But i still miss cruise sooooooooo much, no maybe not cruise, i just miss that kind of feeling. I miss the sea, when im there, i love looking at the sea, looking at how fast or how slow the ship travels, looking at the waves. It just makes me feel so relax, no problems at all. Idk if you understand what im saying, my point is, i just love the feeling because it just feels that you are away from the world, you dont feel how stressful life is....
I know i've been repeating this over and over again, but i really miss cruise, if i have a choice, i would want to stay there, thats the kind of life i want, i mean not just by slacking and enjoying myself, but its the kind of carefree life that i want, when suddenly you just feel that the pace of life is much slower...

Back here, so many problems. The moment school reopens, it will be so tiring. I know, there's no way i can avoid this, i cant possibly drop out from school right? But seriously, its really stressful. There's gonna be 4 days of training per week, its confirm, the saturday training will be permanent.
I really dont know how long i can hang on. Its not that i dontwant, but sometimes im really tired by all these... Im just afraid that all my efforts will be wasted. There's a limit to everything, i havent reach my limit yet, but i dont know where's it, probably reaching soon.
I just dont know if its worth it for me to do all these, probably, when i really cant find any reason to stay on, thats when everything will come to an end. But now, no i dont want to end it. Sighh... its really troubling me.
And anw, my ankle hurts, i think its not fully recovered after so long, maybe that time when i twisted it, the injury is quite serious.
And my wrist, starts to hurt again, there's still training this coming saturday, sighh, how is it going to recover like that?
Cheer competition, lots of things to do, all by this coming week, how am i gonna rush out all these?
Especially so when we dont really have any ideas contributed, so many things, i've still got project and the dateline is on the first day of school.
Hang on there, until you really cant.

What's ahead?

2010-10-11T11:14:00.002+08:00

Hmm, this is my last week of holiday, time flies right?
When school reopens, its gonna be the 2nd sem, the workload and everything is gonna be heavier right?
Okay, i've just chose my gems, for those who dont know what is gems, its actually general elective module.
In sp, we just have to choose for every sem, another module which is not part of our diploma.
Hmm, and the thing is, they have three different clusters, and for every sem, we have to choose from a different cluster.
Yeap, so this is my first time choosing gems, then at first i really dont know what to choose, thr's so many modules, you dont know which one is easy, which one you like.
Then i narrowed it down to calendar and astronomy, which im interested in, and love and relations, which many ppl said its slack.
And in the end, i got into love and relations, coz initially, i wanted astronomy, but there's no more availability for the timeslot i wanted.
Yeah, so finally something off my mind, i've been thinking abt it whole night since yesterday and i just cant make up my mind.
Yupp so, anw, i just feel that sem 2 will be much more stress for me i guess?
I heard that after sch reopen, thr's still gonna be training on saturday, at first its hols now, thats why we have training on sat.
But if its still gonna be like that even after sch reopens, then cheer will really take up lots of my time.
4 trainings in a week, including gymnast.
Sighhh im not a superwoman seriously, if its hols, i still can, but when school reopens, when i need time to revise my work, do tutorials, how am i gonna manage my time.
Moreover, i've accepted the diploma plus, its gonna be really stressful right?
Sighh.. but i'll try, try my best to manage my time though.
If i dont try, how would i know i cant right? Its not worth giving up for dip plus coz of cheer, and its not worth giving up cheer coz of dip plus.
So, im just gonna try for both, unless i really cant.
But i shouldnt underestimate myself, maybe i can yeah.
JIAYOU!

There's a limit to everything...

2010-10-09T23:05:00.003+08:00

This week is so tiring, filled with training, training and training...
Had training on tuesday and thursaday, ran 2.4 on thursday which was part of our napfa, omg i tink that was the fastest timing i ever got, i really tried my best okay, though it may not be good enough for some people, but yeah, whatever, at least i've reach the target set.
Today was a long day of training, from 9 to 4, yeah supposedly i thought it would be crazy to train like that, yeah but no, time passed quite fast, and to think of it, we had like 11 hrs of training for one of the days during training camp, so actually, this is nothing compared to that.
Okay after training with out with hp, that crazy girl, omg she is so super crazy, she made me take a bus from dover to imm, and when i reach thr, she said we can leave, and we head over to town. Wth? she made me travel there for nothing?
And and and she made me spend so much, on food! Wth, this crazy girl, still as crazy as before.
Alright, and anw, for today's training, sighhh though time passed quite fast, but its quite tiring. Why? Coz i base today, i couldnt fly coz of my knee injury, so i asked to be base, but i think i didnt try it for really long, omg, really feel that i've got no strength ):
Partner stunt and group stunt all cmi....
My wrist hurts alot now coz i didnt lock it well... Oh gosh, that time i injured it, and it took quite long to fully recover, sigh...
And my ankle, i tink i accidentally twisted to a side, and its a little painful..
Okay, so the conclusion is, being a base is very tiring, i understand how the guys feel okay, and thats even worse for girl base please.
And being a flyer is very scary, we got so many casualties today ): I hope all of you are fine!
Yeah, so its definitely not easy to be anyone of it, also spotter not easy too, always get hit by flyer! And its v tiring to spot also!
So, its just not easy to be in gusto, endurance level needs to be high, very high.

Yeah okay anw, something random...
I just want to say, i hate plastic faces, plastic smiles.
Dont show it to me, dont give me excuses as explanation.
Dont take things for granted, you'll understand how it feels if u are treated like that.
But seriously, before all these, hide your plastic smile.

Boring life...

2010-10-07T12:45:00.002+08:00

I cant believe im just gonna spent my holidays like that.... And seriously, my holidays are going to end soon, like in 10 more days or so?
So what have i done during this holiday? Mostly taken up by cca, then i had the cruise, i guess its the only thing i had enjoyed, and staying at home rotting...
I really want to go out everyday, but i know if im out, i will spent money, obviously right? So i restricting myself to go out, or maybe once in a while....
Sighhh today is a training day again, and i have to go school earlier to do project.
Wth, is this even like a damn holiday?
Oh anw, went for cca on tue, AND I FELL ON THE KNEE, INJURED THE EXACT SAME SPOT!
WTHHHHHH, OMG i think the wound is going to split open again, and if it does, its gonna be the third time i injured my knee...
Please dont, it hurts alot. If this goes on, i guess my wound will never recover... Everytime i fall, it splits open, thats coz the wound hasnt fully healed yet.
So.... i guess no stunting for today? Yeah... no stunting, if i want the wound to heal...
Okay, my holidays are left with about 10 days? Im gonna spent it wisely, i dont care if im spending lots of money, i will have to get out of my house during the hols, oh yeah and i said i want to start baking during this hol, but i didnt bake anything at all......
Can i have a longer holiday please?

Its tiring like this...

2010-10-05T11:39:00.002+08:00

Sometimes its kinda disappointing, when you thought you have changed someone, make a difference to them, and you realize that no, you did nothing at all...
Is it so difficult to make up your mind to do something?
And since you decided to do it, why cant just do it well? Why should anyone make a decision to do something, and yet, they get affected by some other things....
Maybe everyone is different, just because i can do it, doesnt mean others can. But im just disappointed, i thought all these things have made some changes, but no, it doesnt help at all.
And its tiring, to keep saying things, doing things to help, when i dont see why i have to do it...
If you like something so much, do you even feel the pain and hardship while doing it?
Do you even think its difficult to accomplish it? Seriously, when you have gone through lots of things, experience lots of difficulties, thats what allow you to grow, learn and change.
And perhaps, they just didnt know, coz they just didnt experience what you did.

No expectations, no disappointment

2010-10-04T12:30:00.003+08:00

Blame myself for having such high expectations, i shouldnt have expected anything at all.
Results were out today, quite disappointing.
I didnt do really badly, but it just didnt meet my own expectations.
Im just really disappointed, i've put in so much effort for dbe, is this what i deserve?
Yeah, i've said, this world is unfair, the sad thing is, sometimes you dont reap what you sow.
Putting in effort doesnt always mean that you can get what you want. But what can i do? Whats over is over, i can only work even harder, hoping that my results will be better in the next sem.
But the feeling, when you know that you should deserve something better yet you dont get it, that kind of feeling is really disappointing and discouraging.
Back to those same old posts, if only i am still on cruise, i dont have to face reality, and all these shit problems......
Sighhh, i dontwant to say my results here, but if anyone want to know, i can tell.
I just dontwant to say it in my blog, as if announcing to the whole world.
Anw, i've got nothing to be proud of. One dbe which i had put in so much effort but dont see the results. Another onow which is like character education and by right i shld have done well, but dont see the results too.
Yeah thats pretty bad, in poly its like this. Projects are like this, doesnt mean putting in effort will allow you to get good grades.
Whereas secondary school is like, if you study, mug like mad, u can do well.
Maybe in jc, thats the advantage over poly, except for their pw, the other subjects, if you are really mugging like mad, its still possible to get good grades.
But poly, it all depends on your tutor....
Sighh... at first i told myself, whatever the results are, dont be sad, dont be disappointed as long as i know i have done my very best.
But i cant help feeling sad upon seeing this kind of results, which i thought i would have done better....
Especially dbe, seriously, i've always got headache when i have projects for this module. Nevertheless, i've spend lots of time, effort in it.
But....
And moreover, econs and pacc are not included in this sem's computation of gpa, sighhh...
Let's just hope for the better....

I wish....

2010-10-02T23:23:00.004+08:00

I hope i was still in cruise, i know i repeated this many many times.
But seriously, i really hope for that, i hope i will never have to come back, even if it means i have to stay in the ship, be in the sea forever, i dont mind, i mean as long as i have others with me...
Sighh, when i was there, i've got this feeling that im separated from this world, i dont need to care about anything.
After coming back, it feels so different, life becomes so stressful again, its as if you are in a dream, and the dream is so wonderful, but you just woke up and back to reality.
I think i've got so many things to do. I got so many trainings during hols, i got to do my project, i got to settle the cheerleading competition thing.
OMG, i really wish that im still in my so called dream.
Sighhhhh...... tml is sunday, and it has been like a freaking week after leaving for cruise last sunday.
Omg time really flies. Gosshhh, can i just carry on with that kind of carefree life and never have to continue studying, never need to have any worries?
Yeah i know its impossible....
Was talking with the lovely peeps just now about how life is, i know i sounded so materialistic just now, yeah and i know im like money-faced.
I dont know what's got over me, but i just suddenly feel that money is so important, yeah and thats what i told them just now, money is the most important thing on earth, this makes me sound like a damn bitch, as if im trying to cheat others of their money.
I mean i've always felt that money is important, but i didnt think that it is the most important thing.... but somehow, if you can choose between money and a relationship, what would you want?
I dont know, i really dont know, in the past i've had hope in relationship, and believed that most relationships will eventually have a good ending, but no, maybe not anymore.
Im just thinking, why cant life be fair?
Much more fair to everyone?
Why do some people have everything?
And yet some people simply have none.
Why are some people born with a silver spoon, they do not have to do anything for their whole life, yet they still can enjoy life.
Why do some people can always end up with someone with loves them, dotes on them, while some people just have to suffer in a relationship.
Everything is just so unfair, to some people.
Thats the thing about the world, this world is ugly, everything is so superficial. Perhaps thats the reason why i look upon money as such an important thing, coz maybe nothing last forever.
I asked, what thing on earth doesnt need money.
And i got the answer: friends.
But some friends only hang out with you coz you are rich.
And can anyone say that friends will stay by your side forever?
Thats the thing when i have to come back to reality, facing problems which you dont want to face.
If only, if only i can wish...

"Count the garden by the flowers, never by the leaves that fall.
Count your life with smiles and not the tears that roll."

Emo is not a choice, its a kind of feeling.
Dont blame others for being emo, dont blame me, im just saying what i feel.

I dont like to adapt,

2010-10-01T12:48:00.003+08:00

Hello, sighh.... im missing cruise so much, missing everything there...
Miss the food, miss my cabin, miss the restaurant, miss the sea, miss the service there, miss the people there........
Sighhh im still imagining myself on the cruise...
Nah back to reality please. I hate to change and adapt, im used to being on the cruise though i only spend 4 days. And now i have to adapt back to this life... sigh... i wanna go back and enjoy life!!!!
Okay whatever, when i have the money to, i'll definitely be back there!
Anyway, i went back to school yesterday for cca, yea back to school, you understand how it feels, when you can enjoy life on cruise, walking around and exploring, then you have to go back to the boring school ):
So i had napfa, and yeah most of the stations was pretty okay.
I PASSED MY FREAKING STANDING BROAD JUMP!!!!
But i keep thinking its a "fake pass". Coz i keep stepping on the line, though i jump over the target, but im not suppose to step on the line.
But in the end coach let me pass, so i keep thinking its a fake pass.
Yeah maybe i shld try again for the retest next week, i want an actual one, a real pass.
Speaking of napfa, let me tell you my schedule next week.
Tue, thu there's training as usual. Then we got additional training on saturday, from morning till afternoon, and we still have gymnast training on sunday night.
Out of 7 days in a week, training took up 4 days, i still need to do a project for the cruise, sigh......
What a boring life this is, i wanna be back on cruise, that kind of carefree life, no worries at all!

Our memories - DTRM cruise trip :D

2010-09-29T22:29:00.008+08:00

Hello people!
Im back from my 4D3N cruise trip to phuket and langkawi :D
Well, this trip obviously is fun though i wasnt looking forward to it at first.
Yeah, but i did enjoy myself when i went there, just that our schedule is quite tight, and when we went over to phuket and langkawi, we had to rush, but i still managed to do a little shopping! :D
Alright, this post is full of photos(definitely), i've still got lots of them which i need to upload to fb, these photos over here are just a small part of all that i have taken.
I've spend quite a lot of time doing the photos, yeah coz i dont think you guys will know how is it like if this is a wordy post. But, you guys wont be able to tell how fun is it just by looking at the pictures either. So, warning: this is a really long post, spend some time reading it, coz i spend lots of time blogging :D

Alright, so presenting to you superstar virgo, where i've been on for the past 4 days!

I decided to keep this as a memory for part of the cruise. My access card/ room card.

So this was when we were waiting to be check in at harbourfront. We were really bored coz we waited for 2 hrs or so? Yeah but obviously we walked around a little.

Yes, and after the few hrs which is like forever, we finally made it in, and we went to our cabin. Anyway, for ours, there's 4 person in a cabin. It may be a little squeezy for 4 persons, but actually it isnt as bad as i thought.

And then we went out of our cabins, and explore around. We were like country bumpkins there. LOL, we just went all around and took pictures almost everywhere, wherever we think its nice.

There's more of it....

Alright, this is a picture of the water. Obviously this isnt the water of singapore coz its clear blue. It's really nice, i dont think we get to see the blue waters in singapore.

Around the cruise...

Alright, we reached phuket on the second day in the evening. So we head over to phuket fantasea, a theme park over there. Its quite beautiful at night, when you see all the lights. And we watched the show, i must say, its really nice. Though there are some parts which are slightly more boring, but most of it was nice, especially the elephant part. Lol, they are really cute. Yes, i mentioned before, we are like country bumpkins.

And on the third day, we reached langkawi, and head over to a resort, four seasons resort. We explored around the place, this is what tourism students should be doing. Its really pretty over there, but the rates are expernsive too!

Over there, their suite with the lowest price is about 5800RM per night, which is about 2400 plus sing dollars. And its the lowest price. They have a royal suite, which is 21000RM per night, omg thats crazy. The pictures over here are the suite with the lowest price, but its already very nice. Cant imagaine how comfortable the royal suite would be. Alright, so they have a walk-in wardrobe, jacuzzi, indoor and outdoor shower and lots more... The outdoor shower is really cool, dont worry, no one will peep. But its really nice. Luckily i am a tourism student and i have this opportunity to step in there.

Yes, and just because of this, i've decided to get a really rich husband in the future. Either my husband has to be rich, or i have to be rich. But i rather enjoy life by letting my husband be rich. Well, im not money-faced, coz tell me who doesnt want money?
Well but if im materialistic, i admit it. But who doesnt want to enjoy life isnt it? True, but money arent everything, so there's gonna be this guy who's rich and who's nice too. Yeah i wish i can find, maybe in my dreams.

And this are the food for gala night dinner. There's the appetizer, soup, main course and dessert. Well, the food isnt really wonderful, but its not that bad either. In fact, all our food on board was pretty okay.

Alright, then there's many many pictures for gala night, more of it which i didnt upload here. I guess everyone made the effort to prepare for it though its just a dinner. Okay, everyone looks stunning last night :D

And over there, we made friends with some australians.
They are really friendly, oh and humerous too. Enjoyed chatting with them. I think we chatted for quite long, till about 1 or 2 am. The restaurant was about to close and i think the staff were just waiting for us to leave, we were the only customers there.

So after our dinner, we went over to galaxy of stars, sat there, talk a little, and look at others playing games. As in those kind of games when they would invite couples up on stage, and ask some questions, or ask them to dance together. And actually we arent allowed to stay after 11 if we are under 18, but we didnt speak, they didnt ask. Yeah and after the games, they opened the dance floor. At first we didnt join in, but after a while, all of us joined in and dance. Was quite fun though i didnt know how to dance, i just remembered myself being so crazy, twisting, turning and laughing, grabbing others to dance with me.

Then there's our last day over there, we grab hold of the opportunities to take the last few photos we could.

And finally, home sweet home. Back home feeling super tired. But i didnt sleep surprisingly, im still awake now.

Okay so in all, this cruise trip is fabulous!
I really like the feeling of being on a cruise, when you can go out to feel the sea breeze whenever you want, and go back to the cabin when you're tired.
This 4 days definitely left some memories for all of us.
And its an eye-opener for me especially when i visited the phuket fantasea and four seasons resort in langkawi.
And i've also made friends from other countries! :D
Well, not forgetting the food over there.
We can have 6 meals per day, but obviously we didnt eat that much. But its still quite a lot especially when there's the buffet on board, and their serving is for non-buffet restaurants are alot.
I really feel as if i had gain 5kg. OMG, i've got to slim down this holiday, got to do some exercise!
Yeah thats pretty much for the cruise trip.
Oh anw i've got napfa test tml, my greatest fear - standing broad jump.
Im not really prepared, i just came back today, and i didnt do anything for the past few days.
Gosh, but im gonna try my best. And yes, have confidence in myself, I CAN DO IT! :D
That's about it, im still gonna go upload photos on fb, yes do remember to check out my photos on fb, its much clearer over there since the photos are bigger, and there's more of it!
That's it, bye!

Leave everything behind,

2010-09-25T23:49:00.002+08:00

Hi just one more post before i leave for my cruise trip tml.
I have to reach school at around 9 tml, so i have to sleep early.
Alright, just a quick one i hope.
Im just rather pissed off just now, coz i was trying to stuff all those things into my small little pathetic bag.
Well at first i wanted to bring a luggage over, but the luggage is seriously too big.
Even my mum said its big, and it will be so weird to bring it there.
I mean im just going on a 3/4 days cruise trip, and im bringing such a big luggage there? Others will think im crazy.
Okay, so i decided to bring another smaller bag, but i had such a difficult time putting everything inside.
Yes finally i did it, but there's still some things which i need to squeeze inside tml.
Seriously, im not really looking forward to this cruise.
Idk why, but im still gonna be more positive, hope its fun.
I'll just take this trip as a time for me to relax?
An opportunity for me to leave all these shit problems behind, have a little fun, and hopefully when im back in a few days time, im perfectly alright.
Yeah im telling myself to let go of all these shit, no problem for me.
I'll come back and update about the cruise trip alright?
Yeah, and i went for a mani today, just to pamper myself a little before the cruise.
And also coz i have a gala night, a dinner, on the 3rd day.
Since i didnt really get myself anything for gala night, i decided to go for mani instead.
Alright, i dont really have the time to upload some photos, coz i think i need to slp if not i will be so sleepy tml.
Okay see you guys after a few days! :D
Oh yeah, the day right after my cruise is my napfa test, wish me luck please.
Okay, im off, dont miss me too much! :D

After so long,

2010-09-23T13:37:00.003+08:00

Hello, i'm kind of busy recently, but im still kind of bored.
Idk why, haha if im busy, i shouldnt have any time to be bored right?
Lol there's just something wrong with me.
Alright, i went shopping with my sis on monday, bought some things :D
Haha i think i havent been buying things for quite some time!
Oh yeah speaking of that, mum just bought a new wardrobe for my room.
Yeah finally, i've got a new wardrobe, i mean to replace the old one..
At least i got more place to hang my clothes, my previous one is like damn pathetic, and i've been using that for really long.
The wardrobe will be delivered over this afternoon, which should be here soon, and i'll be busy packing my stuff.
And there's also training later on, yeah finally after such a long time there's training.
I mean a proper training, not the training camp :D
Okay, i think im dead, i havent start packing my stuff for cruise.
Not that im kiasu, but i always take a damn long time to do the packing.
Even if im going for camp, i will take a few hrs to finish packing when others can do it in an hr or so.
Yeah i think i'll start packing tml, and im gonna get my mani done on saturday! :D

Oh yeah something proud for me to mention about.
My standing broad jump!
I've seen improvements this few days.
Im getting closer to the requirements for a C.
Hey im not haolian-ing over here, but just mentioning.
But i've put in effort for that, and i should be proud of my own improvements.
Yeah, have more confidence in myself, it helps.
Haha i realized training camp really taught me alot, and kind of changed me?
Yes yes yes, i believed that i can and i will be able to do well for this napfa! :D
Yeah that'll be all for now.
:D
I'll continue to work hard for my sbj, not forgetting other stations, coz i dontwant pt pt pt pt pt!
Jiayou to myself!
Byebye.

Letting go is part of life.

2010-09-20T23:16:00.009+08:00

Life doesn't allow us to have to everything.
In times, there's a need to let go.
No point holding on to the wrong person, because he'll never be there by your side.
You have to let go of the wrong person before meeting the right person.
Love beats jealousy.
When you said you love someone, its not about having the person.
Its just that you want the person to be happy with whoever he loves.
And letting go makes you stronger, it allows you to learn

BY2-爱上你
爱上你不需要理由,你到底懂不懂
可是怀念竟比失去还要更难受
爱让我想起你的时候泪禁不住滑落
可惜你永远都不会懂

We are gusto!

2010-09-19T23:19:00.003+08:00

Okay guys im super tired now.
I just came back from camp not too long ago, just had my "dinner" which is like supper.
Alright, my eyes are about to close, but my hair isnt dry, so after blogging, i'll just off my laptop, lie on bed, this time it wont take 1-2 hrs for me to slp, i think within 5 mins i can fall asleep.
Okay so about camp, i'll just make it a short one, coz everything that happens can just link to a few main points that i wanted to talk about.
This camp is tiring, really super tiring, my body is aching everywhere, but, i didnt regret coming though, coz i really learn and experience alot.
Not just on stunts, true we learn alot of new stunts, but about what is a team.
More about what is gusto, and im sure everyone benefited from that.
This camp is really unforgettable, i guess its the most unforgettable and tiring camp which i've been true. Oh, and tense too.
But, all this time have not been wasted, when i saw the tears of our teammates at the end of the debrief.
Our tears just flowed out the moment coach told the seniors to stop acting, and give us a big hug.
I dont know why, but the tears just flowed.
Yes gusto, i know we are all tired from this camp.
Especially yesterday, we had like 11 hrs of training i think, i counted, yes its really tiring, and also with all the problems we faced.
But we endure through it didnt we?
Alright, so im sure we'll be able to work better as a team, improve our team spirit.
And also really thanks to all gusto peeps, yes all gusto peeps, no seniors or juniors, we are all from gusto, thanks to everyone, we are all able to learn so much within this 3 days.
Okay but but, something bad happen ):
I fell down again, and injured the same spot which i injured the previous time.
Okay i mean i fell down lots of times, its from stunts, not jogging, alright but sadly, i fell down from the stunt and my knee landed on the floor.
Apparently the wound didnt fully recover and it split open.
So now its quite painful, yes but i endured, i still did stunts.
Oooohhh but i didnt do well for my routine, my chair wasnt up, and i step out of the maps omg ):
Okay, i learnt my mistake, i was too nervous, didnt get the timing right, next time i'll do a better job, and i know i can! :D
Yupp thats about it, bye!