It has been so long since i last posted here, more than a year ago..
I realized i also turn to this little space of mine when i'm feeling helpless, when i need somewhere to say everything and this seems to be the most suitable place.
I'm racing with time. I wanna hold you so tight, but i can't seem to.
Cause i dont even know what you are thinking in your mind.. Sometimes you are nice to me, but sometimes it seems like you just want me to get out of your sight.
You know, in my eyes, you aren't perfect, i find a lot of flaws on you. You always bully me, you always say mean words to me, you always make me angry here and there. But still, i find myself hopelessly in love with you. For months. And now, you are gonna be gone, so what do i do? Just let you go and hate myself?
What can i do? Try to grab onto you and let you hate me? Both ways i'll suffer won't I?
I really dont know how someone like you would make me fall for you. You aren't perfect, but everytime i see you, i think you are. The way you look when you are deep in thought, the way you look when you are seriously trying to solve a problem, the way you look when you are doing your work. There's the playful side of you, the way you look when you joke around, the way you look when you play with everything, the way you look when you tease me. How do i forget? How can i forget?
Someone out there please advise me. I'm running out of time...
July 12, 2016
March 17, 2015
Going in circles.
Tonight is a rather unpleasant night.
I've got alot of thoughts going through my mind..
Its you again, why does it always have to be you?
You know, sometimes i get really really tired of this. I keep going around in circles, its the same kind of thoughts that's going through my mind. It's tiring. It's like no matter how hard i try, i'm never getting out of this shit.
I feel pathetic. Each time i tell myself i'll move on, i have to move on, but i end up not moving a single bit.
It's always easier said than done. I've told myself so many times, it is impossible, impossible and impossible. But no, i just can't move on.
I used to think, foolishly think that, if i wait long enough, if i don't stop trying, one day, you will probably feel something. You are a human, you have feelings, have emotions. So if i don't give up, you will eventually feel something. But apparently, i was wrong? Yes you are a human, yes you have emotions and feelings, just not the right feeling.
How pathetic? Maybe that's what you are feeling in your mind. How pathetic is this girl? Holding on and waiting for something which is impossible.
How sad? Indeed, i know what's right for me, what's the best for me, and what i actually have to do. But i'm not doing it. I keep telling myself, i should give up, i should move on. But what do i do when i just cant? Do you actually know how much i feel for you? Honestly, even I, don't know. All i know is that, i can't just move on, i really can't.
You can brush things aside so easily, you can just ignore me so easily, but i can't. I can't stop observing you, stop paying attention to anything and everything about you.
Do you know how inferior i feel when i'm with you? Because i've tried all means, and you, aren't even moved. I started to wonder, what's wrong with me? Am i really that bad, till the extent that you are just so emotionless when you face me? And till the extent that no matter what i did, how much i tried, its not gonna help? I know, you have your life, the really exciting life of yours. You have so much commitment, so much so that at times, i feel so small, so worthless to you. It's like if one day, i ever disappear from your life, it probably won't make any bit of an impact to you. But what about me?
No one knows this kind of feeling. Its so bad. When you just decided to brush everything aside, have you ever, just for once, think about how i would feel?
And for everything that i did for you, were you ever, just for once, touched or moved? Cause if the answer is yes, i'm contented.
It hurts so much, when you can be that close to everyone else, but so cold to me. I know your intentions, but do you know how it feels?
You know, a part of me really want and hope you will see this, badly. Cause i want you to know, how much you mean to me, how much i feel for you, and how bad i'm feeling right now.
But you know, a part of me really don't want you to see this. I don't want to lose even that little bit of pride.
It's ridiculous, I lose myself in front of you. I'm not like my usual self. I lost my confidence, lost my ability to speak up, i'm just like a different person.
And really, at times like this, i'll just keep thinking, what's wrong with me? Is there anything i can do to make myself better?
You'll never know how it feels.
I should go to bed, sleeping makes me feel better. At least, for that few hours, i don't have to think about you, or anything related to you.
I've got alot of thoughts going through my mind..
Its you again, why does it always have to be you?
You know, sometimes i get really really tired of this. I keep going around in circles, its the same kind of thoughts that's going through my mind. It's tiring. It's like no matter how hard i try, i'm never getting out of this shit.
I feel pathetic. Each time i tell myself i'll move on, i have to move on, but i end up not moving a single bit.
It's always easier said than done. I've told myself so many times, it is impossible, impossible and impossible. But no, i just can't move on.
I used to think, foolishly think that, if i wait long enough, if i don't stop trying, one day, you will probably feel something. You are a human, you have feelings, have emotions. So if i don't give up, you will eventually feel something. But apparently, i was wrong? Yes you are a human, yes you have emotions and feelings, just not the right feeling.
How pathetic? Maybe that's what you are feeling in your mind. How pathetic is this girl? Holding on and waiting for something which is impossible.
How sad? Indeed, i know what's right for me, what's the best for me, and what i actually have to do. But i'm not doing it. I keep telling myself, i should give up, i should move on. But what do i do when i just cant? Do you actually know how much i feel for you? Honestly, even I, don't know. All i know is that, i can't just move on, i really can't.
You can brush things aside so easily, you can just ignore me so easily, but i can't. I can't stop observing you, stop paying attention to anything and everything about you.
Do you know how inferior i feel when i'm with you? Because i've tried all means, and you, aren't even moved. I started to wonder, what's wrong with me? Am i really that bad, till the extent that you are just so emotionless when you face me? And till the extent that no matter what i did, how much i tried, its not gonna help? I know, you have your life, the really exciting life of yours. You have so much commitment, so much so that at times, i feel so small, so worthless to you. It's like if one day, i ever disappear from your life, it probably won't make any bit of an impact to you. But what about me?
No one knows this kind of feeling. Its so bad. When you just decided to brush everything aside, have you ever, just for once, think about how i would feel?
And for everything that i did for you, were you ever, just for once, touched or moved? Cause if the answer is yes, i'm contented.
It hurts so much, when you can be that close to everyone else, but so cold to me. I know your intentions, but do you know how it feels?
You know, a part of me really want and hope you will see this, badly. Cause i want you to know, how much you mean to me, how much i feel for you, and how bad i'm feeling right now.
But you know, a part of me really don't want you to see this. I don't want to lose even that little bit of pride.
It's ridiculous, I lose myself in front of you. I'm not like my usual self. I lost my confidence, lost my ability to speak up, i'm just like a different person.
And really, at times like this, i'll just keep thinking, what's wrong with me? Is there anything i can do to make myself better?
You'll never know how it feels.
I should go to bed, sleeping makes me feel better. At least, for that few hours, i don't have to think about you, or anything related to you.
January 3, 2015
Page 3 of 365
Hello everyone!
Time is passing way too fast. 2014 is gone and we are in year 2015 now. I know i'm 3 days late but yeah let me just recap on my 2014 alright!
The entire year went passed so fast i didn't even know what was going on. I adapted more to uni life this year. I haven't been really active with all the school activities. In fact, i don't really participate in all those activities except for some og related events.
I made a really big decision to clarify my doubts. Got hurt, fell down, got up on my feet, recovered, got back on track.
Visited hk for the first time, no i dont like hk to be honest. But yes, another country off my list.
Worked with gucci for almost an entire year. Even worked part time on weekends. Yes school's busy, didn't know how i cope with it but i've been through it.
I turned 21, entered into adulthood this year. Didn't do up a birthday party, maybe had a little bit of regrets, but its over. Still thankful for my friends who tried to make it better.
I've lost a lot, but i gain a lot too.
Got back my results just a few days before 2015 ends, and i'm so thankful. Even though there were a bit of disappointment, but there were surprises too. And i shouldn't be so greedy, i should be contented, should be thankful that my hardwork paid off.
So yes, there's the end of 2014.
So here's what i want for 2015.
I wanna be happy, truly happy. Happy for the simplest reason. And i wanna learn how to be contented. I wanna be more positive (which i think i'm getting better at) and i wanna look at life with a different perspective.
Perhaps its because i'm finally 21, its my second semester of my 2nd year in uni. I'm only life with 1.5 years in uni, i'm already in my 20s. I guess there's a lot of things we should be doing in our 20s, this is probably the period of time when we should really do what we wanna do, not care about how people judge you, and yes, just do things that would make you happy.
I'm over with 2014. But for the many things that have happened in that year, i wanna learn from them. Whether its the good, the bad, or anything else, those are part and parcel of my life.
I wanna enjoy my life, but yes studies is still my priority.
I got back on track, but no i'm not over you. Don't know when i will be, but you are still really important to me. And until the day when i feel nothing for you, i'll still wait and i'll still try.
2015, i'll be doing my internship. I guess its kinda an important part of my uni life. I hope i do well, and hopefully it helps in my career.
This year, i wanna cherish and treasure those people whom really matter.
And yes, i wanna continue exploring life, exploring the world. I haven't mention this, but i booked my tix to tw a month ago and i'm gonna be off to tw in 2 days' time. I love tw so much i don't mind going there every year.
Even though i've been there before, but i feel that every time we travel, we get to learn something new.
"The world is a book and those who do not travel read only one page".
Yes, this quote is so meaningful isn't it?
So thank you 2014, and hello 2015, i'm sure you will be good :)
Time is passing way too fast. 2014 is gone and we are in year 2015 now. I know i'm 3 days late but yeah let me just recap on my 2014 alright!
The entire year went passed so fast i didn't even know what was going on. I adapted more to uni life this year. I haven't been really active with all the school activities. In fact, i don't really participate in all those activities except for some og related events.
I made a really big decision to clarify my doubts. Got hurt, fell down, got up on my feet, recovered, got back on track.
Visited hk for the first time, no i dont like hk to be honest. But yes, another country off my list.
Worked with gucci for almost an entire year. Even worked part time on weekends. Yes school's busy, didn't know how i cope with it but i've been through it.
I turned 21, entered into adulthood this year. Didn't do up a birthday party, maybe had a little bit of regrets, but its over. Still thankful for my friends who tried to make it better.
I've lost a lot, but i gain a lot too.
Got back my results just a few days before 2015 ends, and i'm so thankful. Even though there were a bit of disappointment, but there were surprises too. And i shouldn't be so greedy, i should be contented, should be thankful that my hardwork paid off.
So yes, there's the end of 2014.
So here's what i want for 2015.
I wanna be happy, truly happy. Happy for the simplest reason. And i wanna learn how to be contented. I wanna be more positive (which i think i'm getting better at) and i wanna look at life with a different perspective.
Perhaps its because i'm finally 21, its my second semester of my 2nd year in uni. I'm only life with 1.5 years in uni, i'm already in my 20s. I guess there's a lot of things we should be doing in our 20s, this is probably the period of time when we should really do what we wanna do, not care about how people judge you, and yes, just do things that would make you happy.
I'm over with 2014. But for the many things that have happened in that year, i wanna learn from them. Whether its the good, the bad, or anything else, those are part and parcel of my life.
I wanna enjoy my life, but yes studies is still my priority.
I got back on track, but no i'm not over you. Don't know when i will be, but you are still really important to me. And until the day when i feel nothing for you, i'll still wait and i'll still try.
2015, i'll be doing my internship. I guess its kinda an important part of my uni life. I hope i do well, and hopefully it helps in my career.
This year, i wanna cherish and treasure those people whom really matter.
And yes, i wanna continue exploring life, exploring the world. I haven't mention this, but i booked my tix to tw a month ago and i'm gonna be off to tw in 2 days' time. I love tw so much i don't mind going there every year.
Even though i've been there before, but i feel that every time we travel, we get to learn something new.
"The world is a book and those who do not travel read only one page".
Yes, this quote is so meaningful isn't it?
So thank you 2014, and hello 2015, i'm sure you will be good :)
December 17, 2014
Maybe it's time..
Heyya!
So i just realized, my last posts was in May. That was pretty long, about 7 months ago. And now, its almost coming to the end of the year.
7 months, yes it has been 7 months. I'm still stuck here, didn't move a single bit.
I guess this little place of mine is still where i can share what i really want to. It kinda becomes a little corner where i can turn to and rant and say all that i want when i'm feeling really down.
Cause sometimes, when you just don't know who to talk to, how you even want to begin your story, perhaps you should begin by talking to yourself, or maybe just in this little space of mine whom i don't know who's reading.
So yeah, its pretty late now, i just got back from work, really tired, but i wanna do a short post.
Haven't been turning to this space for quite a while, cause all along, i thought i could handle it. And maybe, perhaps, i've been handling quite well. Just not too sure what's wrong with me tonight. There's so much negative thoughts in my head.
Sometimes i kinda feel like a joke. 7 months, no maybe not, to be precise i guess i should say 15 months? Even though the truth, the hard truth, lays right in front of me, i just can't seem to get it clear in my head. I don't get it, sometimes i hate myself for holding on to something which can never be mine. Faith? Hope? No. None of that. There's no hope, not even a tiny bit, so why the hell am i still holding on to it? To be honest, i was terribly hurt. I think any girl would be. But I tried not to let it affect me. Just because you can't see it, doesn't mean i'm fine. I wasn't. And maybe till now, I'm still not.
I hate myself for being so weak. I hate how you can be so special and so important to me. But to put it simply, i'm just a friend. I hate how i can care so much about you, think about things you did, words you said, and afterall i may not even cross your mind.
I hate how the truth is just right in front of my eyes, yet i blindly tell myself that there's hope as long as i hang on. I hate how i can feel so much about you, but you just don't feel anything towards me.
I hate how i always take everything about you seriously, but you can just brush off everything about me easily.
I hate how long i've been waiting for and how hard i've been trying, but you can just keep on pretending and brushing off things aside.
But no, i don't hate you. I guess i just hate myself, hate my feelings, hate how i can never rise up to who you want.
I'm tired of waiting, really tired.. I know, you never ask me to wait. But, what do i do when i can't let go?
To me, everything about you is important. Everything and anything. Even if it is a tiny little thing, as long as i can help you with it, i wanna make it perfect. And yes, anything you ask me for help, i tried to perfect it, cause i want nothing but the best for you.
And i'm ready, to let go of you if you were to tell me to stop, if you ever were to tell me that you feel burdened, cause i want nothing but the best for you.
You don't, probably never will, know how important you are to me. Probably never will know how much i feel for you. Its a kind of feeling that hold you back from everything. The only time when i can stop thinking is when i'm occupied with matters. So nowadays i keep myself busy by working, at least i can get you off my mind a little.
But yes, thinking back, i still am tired of trying, tired of waiting.
So sorry, just wanna rant. Just wanna say out everything which i probably won't have the chance or courage to say it in front of anyone else.
So i just realized, my last posts was in May. That was pretty long, about 7 months ago. And now, its almost coming to the end of the year.
7 months, yes it has been 7 months. I'm still stuck here, didn't move a single bit.
I guess this little place of mine is still where i can share what i really want to. It kinda becomes a little corner where i can turn to and rant and say all that i want when i'm feeling really down.
Cause sometimes, when you just don't know who to talk to, how you even want to begin your story, perhaps you should begin by talking to yourself, or maybe just in this little space of mine whom i don't know who's reading.
So yeah, its pretty late now, i just got back from work, really tired, but i wanna do a short post.
Haven't been turning to this space for quite a while, cause all along, i thought i could handle it. And maybe, perhaps, i've been handling quite well. Just not too sure what's wrong with me tonight. There's so much negative thoughts in my head.
Sometimes i kinda feel like a joke. 7 months, no maybe not, to be precise i guess i should say 15 months? Even though the truth, the hard truth, lays right in front of me, i just can't seem to get it clear in my head. I don't get it, sometimes i hate myself for holding on to something which can never be mine. Faith? Hope? No. None of that. There's no hope, not even a tiny bit, so why the hell am i still holding on to it? To be honest, i was terribly hurt. I think any girl would be. But I tried not to let it affect me. Just because you can't see it, doesn't mean i'm fine. I wasn't. And maybe till now, I'm still not.
I hate myself for being so weak. I hate how you can be so special and so important to me. But to put it simply, i'm just a friend. I hate how i can care so much about you, think about things you did, words you said, and afterall i may not even cross your mind.
I hate how the truth is just right in front of my eyes, yet i blindly tell myself that there's hope as long as i hang on. I hate how i can feel so much about you, but you just don't feel anything towards me.
I hate how i always take everything about you seriously, but you can just brush off everything about me easily.
I hate how long i've been waiting for and how hard i've been trying, but you can just keep on pretending and brushing off things aside.
But no, i don't hate you. I guess i just hate myself, hate my feelings, hate how i can never rise up to who you want.
I'm tired of waiting, really tired.. I know, you never ask me to wait. But, what do i do when i can't let go?
To me, everything about you is important. Everything and anything. Even if it is a tiny little thing, as long as i can help you with it, i wanna make it perfect. And yes, anything you ask me for help, i tried to perfect it, cause i want nothing but the best for you.
And i'm ready, to let go of you if you were to tell me to stop, if you ever were to tell me that you feel burdened, cause i want nothing but the best for you.
You don't, probably never will, know how important you are to me. Probably never will know how much i feel for you. Its a kind of feeling that hold you back from everything. The only time when i can stop thinking is when i'm occupied with matters. So nowadays i keep myself busy by working, at least i can get you off my mind a little.
But yes, thinking back, i still am tired of trying, tired of waiting.
So sorry, just wanna rant. Just wanna say out everything which i probably won't have the chance or courage to say it in front of anyone else.
May 20, 2014
Tears
I tried so hard to keep them in, but they just rolled down uncontrollably.
I can't even, can't even cry in front of someone else....
I hate to say this, but it hurt so much...
Please, someone please just tell me how i can stop all these hurt.
I feel like i'm losing myself, i feel like i'm going back to those times, those helpless times.
I can't help it, can't even stop myself from feeling this way.
Tell me what should i do?
I can't even, can't even cry in front of someone else....
I hate to say this, but it hurt so much...
Please, someone please just tell me how i can stop all these hurt.
I feel like i'm losing myself, i feel like i'm going back to those times, those helpless times.
I can't help it, can't even stop myself from feeling this way.
Tell me what should i do?
May 18, 2014
No regrets
I made a decision yesterday.
I told him what i feel.
You know, the moment i send the message over, I was like asking myself, " What the hell did i just do?"
And yeah, of course i cant just take back what i said. But somehow after everything, when i think it through, i think i made the right decision to say everything out. I need an answer, i need to know what to do, i can't just be left like this, without knowing anything.
People who know me know that I'm not someone who speaks to her mind, i'm not someone who says out what i feel. And yes, i always hide my feelings, hide everything and wait for people to ask me whats wrong.
But i thought it through, it doesnt do anyone any good. Especially after i came back from the states, after leaving X, it made me feel that its even more important to do what you want to do, and be who you wanna be with, when you have the time to do so. Don't ever wait till you don't have the time to do so. I don't want to have any regrets. I don't want to be left with so many questions in my mind. Yes, i can just keep everything to myself and someday i will happily move on, but i may still have all those "What ifs" in my mind. No i don't want that. Because it happened to me before, i know exactly how it felt, i don't want it to happen again. People whom i cherish, i should make an effort to let them know. And even if it will never work out, at least i've tried. At least i don't need to have all those "What ifs" in my mind. And i know for sure how you feel. That's enough.
I doubt you will ever come across or read this space of mine. But if for some reason you are, please read on.
...
A part of me hopes that you can read this, another part of me don't. I know, by saying everything out, it will make myself feel better. At least in this little space of mine, it is where i can share what i want to.
There are many more things that i want to say but I probably didn't muster enough courage to tell you, or perhaps you won't be interested to hear them out..
You probably didn't know this, but it was really long ago when i first had feelings for you..
I don't even know when exactly it all started, but i guess i just started noticing you after the first few times i met you. You are just... different. And i just don't know when it all begins, when i started paying little attention to what you do. But yeah, after a while, I realized i behaved really awkwardly in front of you, and because we didn't see each other that often, things changed and i didn't feel so much for you. Lucky or unlucky, again things changed, I see you more often, even if i didn't want to, I began to notice about you. But i've been trying so hard, so hard to keep it in. And i don't know how many times i still appeared awkward when i face you. But its okay, i don't think i will be seeing you that often from now on. Just probably... won't have the chance to? But if i do, i won't let this awkwardness remain.
But thank you. Thank you for still being nice until the very last. At least you were not like some jerk who toyed with my feelings, who were so mean to me. You still said nice words (true or untrue it doesn't matter), but thanks for making the effort to at least minimize all the hurt i would feel. But i mentioned, if i were to give up so easily on something, it probably would mean that i never wanted it so badly in the first place. And because i know how much i wanted it, i can't just make myself give up. I need to try. For whatever reason, for myself, i need to make some effort. I dont know if im making a right decision. But this is just me, some people call me stubborn, somehow i call myself determined. If you don't try, you'll never know. So, please forgive me even if you think i should not have. I'll wait, till someday i no longer feel anything for you. I don't know when, maybe soon, maybe not? But at least, i don't want to make you feel bad, i don't want to irritate you, or make you feel uncomfortable, so if that's really what you are feeling, i'll stop. But if it doesnt, for the time being, please just let me wait. Please just at least give me some hope to hold on. And if at least after all these, things just wont work out, i can gladly tell myself i wont ever have regrets. Rest assured, i've learnt a lot all these time, i know when to hold on tight, and when to let go. And if it ever comes a time when i have to let go, i'll truly let go of everything and move on. And at that time, i promise, we'll still be friends. Its not worth it to lose a friendship.
But don't worry, i don't want to pressurize you, i won't do anything that would make you feel bad or what. And at least i hope, the next time i see you, it won't be awkward. Things will be still fine.
...
Elaine
This is it for whatever that happened last night. I'm fine now, really.
Anyway, last night i was just watching this Korean drama, yeah the really popular drama, "You who came from the stars".
And i was just reminded of all those things back then in the states. Of course, the story is totally different. But yeah, I could feel her. And somehow i could understand the entire plot. The feeling of having to leave somewhere, not knowing when or whether you'll ever be back, and the feeling of leaving someone whom you love.
Though its all over now... it still pretty much reminded me of that very last day when i was there. Which is what made me decide to do what i wanna do.
Alright, enough of all these emo thoughts of my mind.
Its holiday, i should enjoying myself, should be having fun rather than thinking about all these things.
Yeah, i'm currently planning for my hk trip. Planning the places the visit, where i wanna stay and stuff. And yes, travelling always makes me so much better. I just love travelling and exploring new places. So, countdown to hk, 16 more days! :)
And for everyone else out there having your holidays, have fun! :)
I told him what i feel.
You know, the moment i send the message over, I was like asking myself, " What the hell did i just do?"
And yeah, of course i cant just take back what i said. But somehow after everything, when i think it through, i think i made the right decision to say everything out. I need an answer, i need to know what to do, i can't just be left like this, without knowing anything.
People who know me know that I'm not someone who speaks to her mind, i'm not someone who says out what i feel. And yes, i always hide my feelings, hide everything and wait for people to ask me whats wrong.
But i thought it through, it doesnt do anyone any good. Especially after i came back from the states, after leaving X, it made me feel that its even more important to do what you want to do, and be who you wanna be with, when you have the time to do so. Don't ever wait till you don't have the time to do so. I don't want to have any regrets. I don't want to be left with so many questions in my mind. Yes, i can just keep everything to myself and someday i will happily move on, but i may still have all those "What ifs" in my mind. No i don't want that. Because it happened to me before, i know exactly how it felt, i don't want it to happen again. People whom i cherish, i should make an effort to let them know. And even if it will never work out, at least i've tried. At least i don't need to have all those "What ifs" in my mind. And i know for sure how you feel. That's enough.
I doubt you will ever come across or read this space of mine. But if for some reason you are, please read on.
...
A part of me hopes that you can read this, another part of me don't. I know, by saying everything out, it will make myself feel better. At least in this little space of mine, it is where i can share what i want to.
There are many more things that i want to say but I probably didn't muster enough courage to tell you, or perhaps you won't be interested to hear them out..
You probably didn't know this, but it was really long ago when i first had feelings for you..
I don't even know when exactly it all started, but i guess i just started noticing you after the first few times i met you. You are just... different. And i just don't know when it all begins, when i started paying little attention to what you do. But yeah, after a while, I realized i behaved really awkwardly in front of you, and because we didn't see each other that often, things changed and i didn't feel so much for you. Lucky or unlucky, again things changed, I see you more often, even if i didn't want to, I began to notice about you. But i've been trying so hard, so hard to keep it in. And i don't know how many times i still appeared awkward when i face you. But its okay, i don't think i will be seeing you that often from now on. Just probably... won't have the chance to? But if i do, i won't let this awkwardness remain.
But thank you. Thank you for still being nice until the very last. At least you were not like some jerk who toyed with my feelings, who were so mean to me. You still said nice words (true or untrue it doesn't matter), but thanks for making the effort to at least minimize all the hurt i would feel. But i mentioned, if i were to give up so easily on something, it probably would mean that i never wanted it so badly in the first place. And because i know how much i wanted it, i can't just make myself give up. I need to try. For whatever reason, for myself, i need to make some effort. I dont know if im making a right decision. But this is just me, some people call me stubborn, somehow i call myself determined. If you don't try, you'll never know. So, please forgive me even if you think i should not have. I'll wait, till someday i no longer feel anything for you. I don't know when, maybe soon, maybe not? But at least, i don't want to make you feel bad, i don't want to irritate you, or make you feel uncomfortable, so if that's really what you are feeling, i'll stop. But if it doesnt, for the time being, please just let me wait. Please just at least give me some hope to hold on. And if at least after all these, things just wont work out, i can gladly tell myself i wont ever have regrets. Rest assured, i've learnt a lot all these time, i know when to hold on tight, and when to let go. And if it ever comes a time when i have to let go, i'll truly let go of everything and move on. And at that time, i promise, we'll still be friends. Its not worth it to lose a friendship.
But don't worry, i don't want to pressurize you, i won't do anything that would make you feel bad or what. And at least i hope, the next time i see you, it won't be awkward. Things will be still fine.
...
Elaine
This is it for whatever that happened last night. I'm fine now, really.
Anyway, last night i was just watching this Korean drama, yeah the really popular drama, "You who came from the stars".
And i was just reminded of all those things back then in the states. Of course, the story is totally different. But yeah, I could feel her. And somehow i could understand the entire plot. The feeling of having to leave somewhere, not knowing when or whether you'll ever be back, and the feeling of leaving someone whom you love.
Though its all over now... it still pretty much reminded me of that very last day when i was there. Which is what made me decide to do what i wanna do.
Alright, enough of all these emo thoughts of my mind.
Its holiday, i should enjoying myself, should be having fun rather than thinking about all these things.
Yeah, i'm currently planning for my hk trip. Planning the places the visit, where i wanna stay and stuff. And yes, travelling always makes me so much better. I just love travelling and exploring new places. So, countdown to hk, 16 more days! :)
And for everyone else out there having your holidays, have fun! :)
May 15, 2014
3 months of freedommmmm ~~~~
Hi everybody!!!
This post comes a little late.
My exams ended a week ago. This means that i'm welcoming 3 months of freedom wooohoooooooo!!
You know, actually, i do not need the entire 3 months. I mean, given 3 months of holidays, there is actually nothing much that i can do either.
I'm probably just gonna
1. Work
2. Go on holiday
3. Shopping
4. Catch up with friends
5. Laze around at home
Oh yeah thats the 5 things im gonna do for this whole of 3 months.
1. Work
Very important. Yes i need income for this holiday. I know i'm gonna spend a lot, so of course i need to earn some money. Probably going back to gucci. Its a pretty nice place, the people there are pretty nice too, so why not?
2. Go on holiday
Oh yeah very important too. I love travelling, i miss travelling. This time round, i'm heading to hongkong with my sis and mum. Well, really miss disney, and since its too expensive to go all the way back to florida for disney world, so i'll for a cheaper and nearer alternative, hongkong disneyland! Its still disney, so i'm not gonna be picky about this. And anyway, i want to cover all the disney parks in the whole world. So yeah, i visited disneyland in California, visited disney world in florida. Next stop, disneyland hongkong.
And yeah, maybe i'll also be going for a short getaway to batam in one of the resorts. I know people tell me that there is not much to do in Batam. But still, i like to just visit one of the nice resorts there, get a message, probably walk around and explore a little, have a seafood feast there and yup, this is pretty nice too!
I mean nowadays they have all the Groupon deals which are so cheap (even though i heard many negative comments about Groupon), but yeah i think no harm trying since some of them are really cheap and seems to be rather worth it!
3. Shopping
Oh yeah shopping. This is a must. I always think that my wardrobe is so empty, always have troubles deciding what to wear. This just means that i need more clothes. LOL i think this is what every woman feel. Yup and shoes too! Bags, wallets, etc.
Oh and i'm thinking of getting a new laptop. I mean my current one, i've been using for about 4 years, it always gives me so many problems. Oh and its really slow and heavy, so its kinda inconvenient when i have to bring it to school for projects.
Thinking of getting a Mac. Maybe MacBook Air. But i've never used a Mac in my entire life before. So should I?
4. Catch up with friends
Oh yes this is a must. Have been so busy with schoolwork and trying to adapt to uni life. So i should be cataching with those friends whom i haven't seen for ages. Really wanna go for cafe hopping with some of these lovelies.
5. Laze around at home
Oh yeah, when u have nothing to do, nowhere to go, this is the best option. Just laze around at home, watching some of my favourite dramas, do some manicure, put on some mask.
Oh and another thing, i'm thinking of doing a 21st party. Still deciding if i should, i know i'll probably need to spend quite a bit if i do, just not sure if its worth it for one night. My friends have been telling me that you will only be 21 for once, like this is the only time for you to do a party. True, but i could just take that whatever amount of money and spend it on something i really like, lets say travelling?
My birthday is in October so i'm like yeah pretty anxious now cause if i wanna do it i gotta start all the planning now. So should I? Any suggestions?
Oh yeah so that's pretty much about it for now.
Till i blog again,
bye lovelies.
This post comes a little late.
My exams ended a week ago. This means that i'm welcoming 3 months of freedom wooohoooooooo!!
You know, actually, i do not need the entire 3 months. I mean, given 3 months of holidays, there is actually nothing much that i can do either.
I'm probably just gonna
1. Work
2. Go on holiday
3. Shopping
4. Catch up with friends
5. Laze around at home
Oh yeah thats the 5 things im gonna do for this whole of 3 months.
1. Work
Very important. Yes i need income for this holiday. I know i'm gonna spend a lot, so of course i need to earn some money. Probably going back to gucci. Its a pretty nice place, the people there are pretty nice too, so why not?
2. Go on holiday
Oh yeah very important too. I love travelling, i miss travelling. This time round, i'm heading to hongkong with my sis and mum. Well, really miss disney, and since its too expensive to go all the way back to florida for disney world, so i'll for a cheaper and nearer alternative, hongkong disneyland! Its still disney, so i'm not gonna be picky about this. And anyway, i want to cover all the disney parks in the whole world. So yeah, i visited disneyland in California, visited disney world in florida. Next stop, disneyland hongkong.
And yeah, maybe i'll also be going for a short getaway to batam in one of the resorts. I know people tell me that there is not much to do in Batam. But still, i like to just visit one of the nice resorts there, get a message, probably walk around and explore a little, have a seafood feast there and yup, this is pretty nice too!
I mean nowadays they have all the Groupon deals which are so cheap (even though i heard many negative comments about Groupon), but yeah i think no harm trying since some of them are really cheap and seems to be rather worth it!
3. Shopping
Oh yeah shopping. This is a must. I always think that my wardrobe is so empty, always have troubles deciding what to wear. This just means that i need more clothes. LOL i think this is what every woman feel. Yup and shoes too! Bags, wallets, etc.
Oh and i'm thinking of getting a new laptop. I mean my current one, i've been using for about 4 years, it always gives me so many problems. Oh and its really slow and heavy, so its kinda inconvenient when i have to bring it to school for projects.
Thinking of getting a Mac. Maybe MacBook Air. But i've never used a Mac in my entire life before. So should I?
4. Catch up with friends
Oh yes this is a must. Have been so busy with schoolwork and trying to adapt to uni life. So i should be cataching with those friends whom i haven't seen for ages. Really wanna go for cafe hopping with some of these lovelies.
5. Laze around at home
Oh yeah, when u have nothing to do, nowhere to go, this is the best option. Just laze around at home, watching some of my favourite dramas, do some manicure, put on some mask.
Oh and another thing, i'm thinking of doing a 21st party. Still deciding if i should, i know i'll probably need to spend quite a bit if i do, just not sure if its worth it for one night. My friends have been telling me that you will only be 21 for once, like this is the only time for you to do a party. True, but i could just take that whatever amount of money and spend it on something i really like, lets say travelling?
My birthday is in October so i'm like yeah pretty anxious now cause if i wanna do it i gotta start all the planning now. So should I? Any suggestions?
Oh yeah so that's pretty much about it for now.
Till i blog again,
bye lovelies.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)